Happy national donut day!! I had one and I mean only one donut and couldn’t really eat much of anything else. I forced myself to have a healthy lunch because that donut was definitely a lot of empty carbs. Well I hope you all had a good week. We are coming off a 4 day weekend some of us anyway from Memorial Day. I hope you had a great holiday weekend. We celebrated my daughter’s birthday and had a really good weekend. No complaints. So as far as this short week it has definitely been filled with a lot of ups and downs. So let’s get into it.
Personal Highs/Personal Lows
This week I am going to put these two categories together. There is a lot going on and I told you lovelies I would update you. One we had a great time celebrating my now 8-year-old. Time is flying when you’re having fun right? We are also gearing up for my son’s preschool graduation. I know some people make a big deal that these types of graduations are pointless but it just gives the little people something to look forward to. I personally feel like celebrations are what makes life great. Those who know me know I will make his day special. That’s what I do. I feel like life is about making memories that they can look back on. It’s better than buying a bunch of material things.
Also this week I have been vigilant with my doctors to get me an answer. I have been suffering with migraines for quite some time. I am also anemic. However with the new diet my doctor made sure I had all of the supplements that one would need and I increased all of the iron enriched foods so you would think I was good right? Wrong. I am not. My doctors and I have decided that it was time to get a hysterectomy. I know for some they get it done when they have fibroids. I do not have them. I am losing too much blood. My blood volumes and levels are one step to more transfusions. For some they would say, why not start a pill that would decrease your period. However the thing is that I have already done that. I have been on pills off and on. I got my tubes tied when I had my 3rd and last child. I know some would say why put this out there? One its MY BODY and my page. Secondly being a woman going through women issues is not a place of shame and I refuse to hide like I did something wrong. That is pure craziness. Why would I keep it hush-hush when there are millions of women like me going through the same thing.
I am no wonder. I won’t be the first or the last. Ladies my decision was about what was best for me. I have to do what I need to do for ME. Was my husband there? Absolutely. I know my decision will have an affect temporarily on my home but I had to do what was best for me. No need to lose this weight, do all of this work and still be underlying unhealthy. That is sheer madness. I know what I need to do and I know what can happen if I don’t. I love me and I need to be here as well as I have little people who need to have a healthy mom. So with that in mind in the next week that is what I will be doing. Have I researched all of the options? Absolutely. This has been an ongoing back and forth thing. I am prepared for the steps after. I do NOT claim to know it all. However I am fully aware that the steps towards self-love will help me through the down side of this procedure. So with MY family’s support we will be fine. I have learned to tune out some of the naysayers. They will say don’t let them take nothing out. Meanwhile I can’t count on them to watch my kids when I am somewhere bleeding out. I can’t slide them a bill when I am off of work and missing time off. I can’t count on them to pick up a phone call to say how is it going. You see that was a free nugget right? I refuse to give folks who show you they are more concerned with their bottom line than mine make my health decisions. Got to keep pushing towards what will work for me and the ones that have to live through all of this.
So with that in mind you may see an increase in blogs. I will have more down time. Whenever I have downtime, I write and I read so be on the look out. I plan to blog the hell out of this situation. Not to get sympathy. I am one strong cookie. But to raise awareness. My heart goes out to the women who are medically forced to make this decision and desire to have children and can’t. I have 3 kids and already put in place the parimeters not to have more already. There is no child birth loss for me. So for the ladies with this loss, it is a loss. I researched this and I find comfort in reading other blogs of women who have gone through this. And with life we are all connected. Keep me in prayer and stay logged on twitter (toitiemblog) and facebook ( https://www.facebook.com/toitimeladies/) as I will update.
- Kathy Griffin out here with a replica of Donald Trump being beheaded and it has set off this major storm on insensitivity. I think for me and this is where MY opinion comes off. It was a bit much. However if the same ones were upset when the nooses was being shown with imagery of Obama was shown and not because he is Black alone but on the principle of right and wrong than okay. If not than you just being extra. What people don’t get is that your argument is more valid when it’s based on principle. Meaning you would extend the same sympathy to another like you want it done for your favorite than you have merit.
- Ireland will have its first openly gay prime minister after Leo Varadkar was elected into the office.
- Withdraw of Paris climate agreement.
- Continuation of the Russian influence of the election. Continue to stand by for breaking news of this ongoing legal battle.
So I pray you all enjoy your weekend. There are some good movies. I saw Wonder Woman and as I thought without giving things away, I walked away feeling great about being a woman. I may see it again if you’re looking for a quick should you go or not-there you go. I am taking the kids to see Captain Underpants tonight. Summer movies are really heating up. I plan on some me time and I have to work. So find an activity that you enjoy and make yourself feel like the beautiful gem that you are.
So this weekend I dedicated a lot of my energy towards my children. I direct most of my time for them all the time. As a mom they are always on my radar. However with a few changes that we have coming up it is equally important for me to take out to spend quality time with them. In the beginning I had planned on taking my son and my daughter but right before I was about to leave, he decided he wouldn’t be able to sit for the 2 hours. I respected it. I can find another way to give him the same lesson.
So onward my daughter and I went to have a little mommy and me time. She has been talking about this movie since she saw the previews. I had already seen it the weekend it came out. I wanted to prescreen to make sure it was okay for her to actually see. So now it is the time. I watched her at so many points to make sure she was okay. One particular part that had me in tears and the whole theatre was the part (spoiler alert) when Katherine played by Taraj Henson had to keep walking to the bathroom for colored women and that bathroom was about a mile away. Katherine had enough of this when she was asked where she goes when she’s not in her seat. If you saw the movie it was such a moving moment. My daughter is crying saying mommy why can’t she just go to the potty with the other women? I am telling her it’s because she is black. She cries and says people are super mean. For a 7-year-old that is the perfect response. She then tells me that mommy there are some mean people like that today and I sure hope I don’t have to meet any of them. That is my prayer for her as well. I hope she doesn’t have to meet those types of people but the reality is I know that may not be the case. My great grandparents meet them, my grandparents, my parents, and even I have met them same people.
My hope is although the movie is outstanding is that we can begin to allow all people’s ability to show regardless of color, creed, etc. It hurts my heart that we live in this world that my daughters may have the same education as a male counterpart but paid significantly lower due to them sitting on the toilet and not standing to pee. I would love for my kids not to have to be at a traffic stop and go through extra protocol just because they are brown. I think of my son. He is 5 and is the same height as his 7-year-old sister, wears the same size clothes and shoes as well. His dad is 6 feet 1 and no doubt he will either match or surpass him in height. He will be perceived as a threat even if he is in a suit and tie. My son has said things like daddy what if you get arrested from a traffic violation and don’t come home. He is 5. He already gets it.
I am so happy that movies like this are being shown. It’s time for some amazing people to be showcased. We know there are countless others who haven’t been recognized and deserve their just due. I am hoping that if you haven’t taken the time to see it that you will consider. It opened up some great conversation with my daughter and allowed me to be able to empower her to be even more strong and confident even when people are dismissive of her talents and gifts.
Welcome back ToiTime followers. We had the smallest break in blogs ever, but a break is still a break right?! Well I am back to the grind like so many others. Today was the Mondayish Tuesday ever. Yeah I just made up that word but whatever. I had to keep hitting the snooze button. This little break allowed me some good sleep. My kids even let me sleep in until like 930 and for parents that’s the equivalent of sleeping in until noon. So to have to go back to the 530am life, I wasn’t ready. Jesus be a fence, I thought I was going to have to dip myself into a coffee pot.
So what have I been up to during this small little break. Nothing. I have enjoyed my family, spent time with friends, and really just did a lot of nothing. For Christmas we went to my parent’s home. It was a lot of fun. We had a family sleep over which was great too. Nothing like not having to leave to travel back home and be able to indulge in some adult beverages too. For New Year’s day we were at home. I super decorated and enjoyed some family. It was nice. We didn’t have to leave our home. We were able to eat and drink and not worry about any foolishness that takes place on these types of days. The kids loved staying up and pretty much doing whatever they wanted.
Let’s fast forward to this morning. The struggle was real. My husband and kids were off for a few days. Well technically they all were off since before Christmas. I on the other hand worked pretty much during the time they were off. However even though I am a morning person, this morning was the hardest ever. I wanted to stay in the bed and get up again at 930, but responsibility came knocking. The kids struggled too. We had to just turn the music up loud and get things done. We successfully got to our destinations on time. That is God, trust me.
Well how’s ready to dive into their 2017? I have already signed up to do another Soul Cycle class this week. If you remember I did one in the Summer and thought I would die. However die or not, it’s getting done. I have a specific goal as I continue my weight loss journey. I like many will continue to hit the gym at work during my lunch break. Gym during work helps me and I can’t make an excuse since the building is only a few feet from where I work. I am continuing to drink my water. You know me and water have a love/hate relationship. I recently found me a great workout journal. So now on top of my regular planner and my blog planner I have taken on this one. I am a visual person so for me it’s not overkill. It helps me to be able to find tune what I am doing. For instance I have to write down how much water I have drunk. That’s great because now I am more aware and can use myself and my journal as an accountability partner to get things done.
Welcome back to the hustle and bustle of life. Make it all you want it to be. Let’s enjoy all that 2017 has to offer.
So I have been reading the many blogs that reported that Birth of a Nation flopped. I have been paying more attention to the comments. For those who have seen it have said nothing but great things about the film. For those who hadn’t there are several factors that could have contributed to it.
A lot of the south is literally under water. I think the story of Nat Turner is important but I highly doubt it was the focus point over the thousands of people who didn’t have water or electricity. These types of situations don’t make it easy when studio executives are playing the numbers game. I honestly belief that a large majority of people had they not been in this crisis would have gladly support it. However we have to put priorities in place. We need to restore basic human needs right now and the film which is still in theateres can gain more momentum as time goes on.
Nate Parker Scandal
He was acquitted of rape from the more than highlighted rape case in 1999. However we know how this goes, a lot of folks still believe that he and his co-writer Jean Celestin are guilty. When the media and community belief in your guilt it won’t matter if he was acquitted or not, people will not change their perspectives. I would love to paint this situation as a done deal but it clearly is not. How do some separate their own personal issues with rape and the rape culture from this? It’s not easy. I had close friends who struggled with this and some supported the film and other refused. The one thing is that if we educate ourselves in all history than Nat Turner’s legacy will never die down regardless of the Nate Parker’s bruised reputation. Let’s be clear its bruised. Media scrutiny along with fact checks, biased opinions has kept this situation still going strong. Many rape victims themselves even came together to boycott the film and you know how boycotts work, all you need is a number of people to come together and that seals the deal. I am not anti Birth of a Nation. Let me be clear but I also know that can clearly see how scandals make or break things all the time.
Snatching Black Cards
I have read some of the most vile comments to date about how black folks don’t support black films and black businesses. I think the argument can be made to support that but let’s be real. Whether as a black woman I support one film or not that will not take away from the real life blackness I face everyday I open my eyes. How are we snatching black cards from folks just because they did or didn’t support the film or any other film? Should we support black films? Absolutely. I think what we need to push African-American history in schools other than the month of February. Make African American history just as important as any other history lesson that’s the real push. However every time movies flop it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t an important film. To me the buzz that was generated from the Sundance film festival and the fact of what the writers was able to do speaks volumes. We may have a long way to go but creating more divide in our community isn’t the way either. I have had friends post on their social media that if I as a Black woman or man since it was a post don’t support it than I am no friend of theirs. Wait? What? I looked at it and laughed. There is more to our history than one film. How about all of the other ones? What is making the buzz around this movie to the point where friendships need to end? This is sad. More now than ever is the movie timely, I get that. I understand what it means now to see people organize to make a stand and to convey a message. This divide needs to stop.
Listen the minute I can I will go and watch this movie. I really want to see the film and see what the hype is about. I wish people were bumping it more for the story of Nat than they are of Nate. Most of the people who have seen it start off telling others to go see and it but separate Nate from it. The fact that you mentioned his name let’s me further know that you understand that you can’t deny Nate’s influence in why people are even reconsidering screening the film in the first place.
Nat Turner is a phenomenal black man who decided not to allow White people to suppress him. He took a stand and decided to organize to get others to see the value in themselves. He led a revolt that is responsible in the deaths of 55-65 White men. Along the way he freed slaves too. Can you imagine the guts it took to do that? That is the mark of a man who not only stands for something but definitely had love for others. He put his life on the line to help others. That takes bravery, tenacity, and love. That is the story of Nat Turner and if you want to see the film and get the visualization for what it looked like to see a Black man take a stand in times when he could have just did as we was told, than support the film.
If you follow me on Toi Time on Twitter and you should (toitimeblog) you know that I have been extremely overwhelmed lately. I have a family member who is in critical condition with their health and that has taken up a lot of my time right now. I am not ready to blog about that as of right now but I am sure that I will when the time is right. So between trips back and forth to the hospital as well as working a full-time job, and my kids I think its safe to say that my time has been limited. I decided to take the time to get into my regular routine. First let me just say shout out to some of my amazing friends and family who not only reached out but they have shown great amount of support in just this week. You guys have no idea how much that has helped. Kisses of love to you all!!
With that being said outside of being mentally and physically drained I am super happy to blog today. I really feel the need to catch up with all of you. Today in Philadelphia is a cold and dreary day. I am just glad to be at work. I know ain’t it weird that when life is throwing shade and lemonade that work can be a great outlet. I am wired differently than most. Can you believe it that it is the day before the first day of October. Take a moment to take that in. We will have another month down. What have you done with your valuable moments of life? I am excited to be putting the finishing touches on my upcoming blogiversary. Yes almost to 2 years. I am super excited about that. In no time another year of pouring out my heart, telling on myself, and real growth is upon ToiTime. Keep in mind with celebrations comes prizes, so if you want to be apart of that get tuned into my facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/toitimeladies/ All announcements will most likely come from there.
I will answer some Ask Toi today so get your reading glasses on. I don’t know about you but rain always makes me want to snuggle up and read. If that is you, play a little catch up with us.
Soooooo, I have seen the commercials lately about it but I didn’t fully catch on until….yesterday. So if you are a T-mobile cell phone customer there are a few things you need to do. One download the T-mobile Tuesdays app and play the game. It’s available on goggle and iTunes.
I did this and yesterday got movie tickets, a small Wendy’s frosty, a subscription to Bon Appetit magazine, and a credit with Vudu. Now I was a little apprehensive since I’m always on team save money about it but let me tell you it’s legit. So with the T-mobile Tuesdays you have limited amount of time to use the gifts. See the app for more questions, video in how to do it, etc. This is how T-mobile is giving back to their customers in their #Getthanked campaign.
Now for a mom of 3 who works full-time and blogs part-time, this was refreshing. I love the movies and I tend to go more in the Summer. I was able to see the movie Me before You. It was a refreshing evening to myself to do my thing, eat junk food, and relax. Yes I’m still working out but balance is key. I do not do a lot of me time things and this pushed me right into it. Oh and free, well free is THE best. It gave me no reason to back out and gave me hours of quiet moments, a beautiful love story, a few good tears, and fun. I really felt like I was skipping school. You couldn’t tell me a thang. Between listening to adult music, shout out to Drake for his, Views from the 6 album that kept me rocking along the way, I felt like an individual instead of my kids mom and my husband’s wife. We all need a little time to ourselves and I have to thank T-mobile for providing it for me. If you want to get into the Summer mix and you are a Tmobile customer, I highly suggest you get into T-mobile Tuesdays. Did I mention there was a Wendy’s next to my movie theatre so can you say win?! I sure could. Something about free that taste so much better. Also shout out to my fellow Blogger Alanda of @Cocoamommy for the information!!