Well cue in the music I have survived my first week back to work. I really love the fact that all things were back in normal shape. Everyone hadn’t really changed as much so getting back into the routine was easy.
Now the part I didn’t anticipate is how tired I have been. Like the type of tired where you wake up and forget where you are tired. I have been battling this all week. I have gone back to all of my vitamins that the doctor prescribed. I took a break until I knew how my body was healing. My doctor approved this for me. We wanted to get me at a base line to see where I was. So I am not sure if it’s a combination of that, having to be up at 545 in the morning or just my body trying to adjust me to normal life. Whatever it is I am totally over it.
I had a great week if you take the tiredness out. My job had a welcome back party for me and that was super nice and unexpected. To be honest I was expecting nothing but long emails and work to get through. So it was appreciated to feel missed. It took me over 45 minutes to remember all of my passwords. That was funny. By lunch time on my first day I had it down and I even got all of my items that I normally done by then. It was just weird. Another issue is that I am mellowing out more than I ever have in life. Like the type of mellow when your kids spell everything at the same time after you just mopped but you calmly just clean it up and walk away type of vibe. I find myself looking at myself like girl who are you?! I don’t recognize myself these days. It’s a good thing. It has to be the lower amount of hormones that I am experiencing. Whatever it is I feel like I am always sipping coffee in a good mood type of women.
Also I got braids in while I was off so a lot of people walked right past me and didn’t recognize me. That was funny. I gave it a day and then went to some of my colleagues and was like hey girl I am back. Hair can change you I suppose. No matter what small obstacles have occurred all I can say is I am glad to be back to work and hoping that this exhaustion will soon go away. I went to bed at almost 530 last night. I mean like real sleep none of that watching tv stuff either. Shout out to my boss who is super understanding during this transition. Its week 7 so one more week until physically I should be okay. It takes a year to get your body where you want it overall.
So its back to the normal grind, anniversary is over and time to get my kids focused for back to school. I am at least done with the back to school shopping so that is an A+ in my book. Have a great weekend and be on the continued lookout as more blogs come your way. August is going to be a great month. Don’t forget to enjoy the last moments of Summer. I have 2 more items to cross of my list but I am determined to be able to look back and say I had a good one. I hope the same for you.
Nothing. It’s a song. There is nothing that your current boyfriend can do with the fact that you have a memory with an ex. It’s life. We all have them. I have them. The point is to see it as a memory only and keep moving. As long as you aren’t throwing the song or any memory in his face, he will be okay. He may just be upset because he feels that another man has shared something he hasn’t. My thing is that is the way dating works. You will never really share everything with one person. There is space although small that we all bring in from someone else. It’s no different from a cologne or perfume smell. It’s all a memory. It reminds me of the song by Jill Scott, “Cross my mind.” In the song she talks about a memory in the form of her ex’s cologne and she attempted to have the next one smell like the last but it stunk. Everything isn’t for everybody. It really isn’t. Your boyfriend has memories of other women he just happened to know about one of yours and it stung him a bit. He will be fine. Let him know that there is nothing to be worried about and let that be that.
To the part where you should stop singing unless you have a mic or a made up mic and are literally in his face with it, he will deal. Songs come on. I know of one of my husbands songs for his ex and I just mention it and move on. I have songs for my exs and it is what it is. I don’t sing it like I am attempting to make American Idol but its a memory good or bad and it fades.
Happy Friday to you all! Who is ready for the weekend? I surely am. Let me just make a world-wide declaration to my beautiful daughter, Naila-happy 8th birthday. My daughter and I am rightfully biased is one of the sweetest, amazing little girls to date. She loves everyone and is such a jewel to be around. We plan to celebrate her all weekend long. I pray continued love, strength and peace to her life always.
It’s also Memorial Day weekend. So this means that there are going to be a few activities that will be taking place in a city near you. If you live in or around Philadelphia there are a lot of FREE events taking place. We ALL can afford free right? The point is to get out and enjoy yourself. Don’t go back to work on Tuesday with the boring didn’t do anything unless that is what you wanted to actually do-NOTHING. Rest, relax, organize, plan for the rest of the Summer time. Memorial Day is the unofficial start to Summer so get out and get busy.
This has been a really interesting week for me. I am still coming down on my weight. I am about to shift from just losing weight to maintaining for the month of June. I am looking to get to my goal so I can purchase this Boho style swimsuit. I haven’t bought a swimsuit in 5 years. Also I was in a lot of control when it came to dealing with the things that life through just this week. I almost had a little mental break down but some encouragement came and helped me along the way. I had such an amazing time with my husband this past weekend and some much-needed me time as well.
- Prayers to those in Manchester. A bomber decided to bomb the Ariana Grande concert that was being attended by mostly teenager and young children. My heart goes out to those who lost their lives as well as those injured from the deadly blast. I can’t understand why there is so much evil in this world but there is.
- Trump’s administration is supposedly under the microscope. Even with getting into all of the politics of it all I do believe that Trump believes that he has the power to do as he pleases. I do not believe he under the concepts of checks or balances. So we shall keep watching to see what comes of all of this.
- Greg Gianfonte is out here body slamming reporters-allegedly. It’s sad when offices used to be respected therefore they carried themselves to a higher standard. Pretty soon they going to be pulling even more stunts but what do I know.
- Chris Cornell died of an apparent suicide. His wife is saying medication he was on is what led to his death and he would have not killed himself otherwise. I pray peace during this difficult time.
- I spoke last week about awaiting for test results well I got them back. It doesn’t look good. I have to be seen this week for some blood related issues and so when I have a treatment plan in place than I will blog openly about what is going on. I have no problems sharing anything in my life and especially about health due to the fact there is always going to be someonelse who will go through it too. I will inform you all of any changes especially any changes that distributes the blog. If you aren’t already following me on Facebook please do as many of the changes will be announced there, https://www.facebook.com/toitimeladies/
- Ask Toi-about family or friends who come over uninvited and especially as parents who have small kids and have a sitter. It’s always good to call first. You don’t know what is going on with people and it shows a respect for other people’s time. If you come over unannounced than don’t expect to have access to someone’s home no matter how close you are if who you are visiting has a sitter. If that sitter isn’t aware of you stopping by its going to be a closed-door that greets you.
- Ask Toi-taking a sex break while married. You have a right and a choice to engage or disengage but I would suggest that you work out the issue that is causing you to want to take a sex break than to go to you mate and not have a clear definition of what that means. Do NOT expect your mate to be okay with it but you have the right to your body and to be vocal in what your intentions are.
- Annoying co-workers anyone? Yes we ALL have them. Simple things to keep in mind as you go through the work day.
- Mirage screens-we put too much stock in what others are doing, what they are portraying, what they show us, etc. Worry more on your own life and less on celebrities or couples or individuals you admire.
As we end this week and dive into the long weekend a few reminders:
- Sunscreen should be worn all year round not just in the Summer months. However since pools and beaches will be swarmed this weekend and beyond, don’t forget it. I use a SPF in my makeup as well.
- Keep your kids close. Do NOT get comfortable and get caught up in celebrating that you forget about them. There are sick people everywhere and the last thing you need is a child to be unaccounted for.
- Drink but be safe. I like a beverage or two but if you think DUI check points aren’t real you are sadly mistaken. Be careful. If you are tipsy call a Uber, etc.
- Violence unfortunately especially in some cities that are already plagued with violence more will break out. Watch the company you keep and be vigilant in having peaceful get togethers. If you are having a fault with someone and can’t be mature than don’t even attempt to resolve it at that time. I pray that all innocent bystanders will be protected as well. You can be at the right place at the wrong time, do nothing and still end up hurt or dead. Prayers to all my ToiTime readers and followers.
Continue reading “Weekly Recap: May 26, 2017”
So the other day I was driving behind a jerk. I was on my way to work and I didn’t have my kids in the car which is a rarity in the morning. Usually when I have the kids in the car I usually do an out loud prayer to prevent me from using “adult words” in my kids’ presence and they get a kick out of it because they think I am trying to be a comedian and I’m really not.
So this day I was able to get my car washed before work and make a Wawa stop which for me is under a Starbucks stop and I am in a good mood. The man in front of me is going at least 15 mph in a 25. So at first I turn my music up and rock out until he is going several blocks looking back at me in his mirror. So the music is no longer loud to me because my focus was on the irritating man. I don’t want to tap into full road rage because in this day and time people are taking lives over this type of stuff. So a few deep breaths. Than at some point I lose it and I am hollering at the car. Why am I hollering as if this man can hear me? I am all in my feelings. The man sees it and drips down to 10mph. Everyone is beeping their horn but he’s smiling in his mirror seeing the agitation and getting off on it if you ask me. I couldn’t get around him at first. So I am like Toi, what are you doing? Don’t feed into his foolery. So I realize I can make a turn and get around him so I do. I turn on my Beyoncé and I get my smiles on because I know that its going to irk him to see me happy. It works, he is waving at me as I get around me all besides himself as he catches the light. I was able to get me together and not given into this brief encounter. There was a way out. There is always a way out when dealing with idiots. We don’t look for ways out we like to indulge into what jerks are doing. There’s a spot in us that likes to let others see that we are mad at them. To be real folks don’t care.
Don’t subscribe to their channel. When someone sees you are ruffled you let them know that you are irritated and what spot to keep hitting. Guess what? They keep hitting. Stop allowing people who do not matter to have a front row in your life. This is easier said than done but once you shut out the extra folks and their mess that they create you will notice a peace in your own life. Some baggage comes from our own minds, things we create, and some come from deposits that we allow others to drop off and then they walk away feeling fine and we are irritated, mad, sad, heated, and hateful. Drop folks and their stuff off with them and makes waves to secure your own peace. Peace is sometimes better than just having a solution to an issue. You can solve a problem and still have no peace. So today, to hell with a jerk…..
Okay unless you live under a rock it’s no secret that R&B singer, Tyrese Gibson has been making some not so good waves lately. He has recently gotten married and with his marriage has come some back lash. First let me say that when a person gets married they don’t own ANYONE an explanation as to why they choose who they choose. Let’s get that out in the air right now. Even if that person is the worst person for their entire life, no one can stop or is owed a reason. We really need to let grown folks be grown. Even if its your child and you don’t like the person they marry, you have to at some point let it go. People have a will and a will to love is included in that.
Tyrese and his 46% Black wife….
Tyrese has been said most likely to marry a white women or to have been expected to marry white because he has a hatred for black women. I don’t see it as a hatred for Black women. I see that he being a man in this world is being able to be loose with his lips because of this whole “man’s world ego.” I think if we would have legally married a unicorn it wouldn’t have bothered me not one bit. However his comments about what women wear and do with their bodies and hair is not sitting well with me. The reason is men can say all day that they love natural looking women but then publicly praise all of the Instagram models. No offense to the models but its hard out here for natural looking women. Now what I mean by natural looking women has nothing to do with the natural hair vs relaxed hair argument at all. It has to do with the women who weren’t blessed to find “sponsors” who keep them laced in the finest, have a team of people who follow them around for make up and hair, etc. The everyday women who has to get it where she fits is who I am talking about. The struggle to balance life and be flawless is a bit much. I don’t wear heels and tight dresses everyday. My life isn’t set up that way. I am flawless on my own terms. There is always room for improvement but it shouldn’t be for a man who will in return change this perspective of what should be in a few more fickle seconds either.
You Humble or you just like Kendrick Lamar’s line?
To uplift one set of women you don’t have to put down another set of women. Which is why I say kudos to the women who have it like that to be able to be flawless every minute of the day that they are awake. For the regular women please stop aspiring to be like what you see. However its going to take men shouting out more than a verse on Kendrick Lamar’s “Humble” song to make me think more. Everyone out here shouting out how they love tiger stripes but go home and give their own tiger stripped woman a look of disgust but then spend more online time pumping up the ones with the photoshopped booty. I am not saying you can’t admire the photo shop but don’t act all of a sudden interested in the regular tiger stripped women who you don’t even blink twice at them, won’t look twice at them, and pay them no types of mind.
Get on the do betta…
I do blame some of this mess with Tyrese on the public. We are so super consumed in celebrities that some of them are feeling the need to tell the world and justify their actions to us and for what? We all trying to make it. If I was Tyrese I would have married and let folks speculate. But no, no we all had to contribute to this need of overshare. Tyrese, your 46% wife is your issue. My issue is that you needed to tell us as if any of us have a Heaven or Hell to put either one of you in. We don’t and quite frankly I hope she good with all of the posting because I would be quite embarrassed. I would want to know if you married me for me than what is the point. You owe no fan base anything. Your life, do you. Just stop giving women advice that no one asked. Your wrote your book and that time is done. Unless you have women lining up asking you questions, than become a life couch and leave it at that. Women don’t need advice and especially when you haven’t learned the art and finesse of speaking to a woman. I don’t get it but women praise Tyrese. Let’s be clear there are million other Tyrese’s. Stop giving these men the airways to speak on us. Stop giving them the action. Use your voice to speak against it. We have daughters that are going to have it much worst than us. If men are calling us bitches and hoes now what you think they are going to be doing worst when my daughters are able to even understand it all. I am teaching my daughters to be strong and confident. I want them to be able to weed other people’s voices and learn to trust themselves. I want them to know what they like, who they like and not take down because someone else doesn’t like what they have on and how sexy they appear to be. Their thigh gaps and what accessories they wear will only enhance what they have on the inside. Our bodies weren’t meant to attract everyone but the one who is for them.
Imma need all the ones who loving all these tiger stripes which by the way ain’t new to really embrace them. Don’t just sing the praises of them because its an in thing to do. Most of our mommas got the same tiger stripes and we won’t even buy them a card for Mother’s day. Our wives have tiger stripes and you ONLY wait for an anniversary and Valentine’s day to show appreication. Our daughters will have tiger stripes but you already telling her and showing her she won’t be enough. Get it all the way together or leave it to Kendrick and the real men who know what its about in this game call mature adulting.
Got the song in your head now? You should. It’s time to move. We discussed the reasons why physical movement can help to cut down the physical stress. So let’s figure out some fun ways to make it happen.
Let’s keep it real I am a full-time mom, wife, I have a full time job and in between life and balance it isn’t easy. My work outs do not ever look the same day-to-day or even week to week. So what are the ways you can increase your physical activity?
- Move-yes if you work you can go to the bathroom on different floors, take the stairs, do some chair exercises. Whatever you choose to do, move. Sitting is the new smoking so you can’t afford to just sit all day. Even if you are one who isn’t all into the gym, you can’t deny how much better your mood and your joints feel after some movement.
- Take a lesson-this is the best time now that the weather is breaking to take a class. If you don’t know how to swim take a lesson. Want to take a class you were too scared to take before or used the cold of the winter as your excuse, dump the excuse and take a class. Taking a class aids in your healthy well-being as well as it can be a great way to network.
- Get involved-there are a lot of ways you can get things done in your community. If you feel the opportunity isn’t there what better way than to create it? Get out and motivate others. While doing this you can help your physical and mental being as well as get involved and meet some dynamic people.
- Form groups-it doesn’t even need to be something super elaborate. It could be a walking club. Get a few or more of you together that can share in a common goal and walk. It’s that simple. No money involved and super easy that will only require some time and some dedication.
- Love -did you know that the more and your new boo or your old boo work out together and get involved in an activity that it helps in your relationship and takes stress away to the max. No one pushes buttons together like a couple. So if you find something you can do together its an automatic win. Don’t want to go out? How about fixing things in your home together? You get to move about, get things done, and the both of you can connect, argue, and love your way to the completion of your task.
- Dance-you can burn a lot of calories dancing the night away. You don’t have to be the best dancer either. If you live alone, turn the music up and get in the zone. You can pretend to be any dancer or entertainer you want to be and have a great time doing it.
It’s time to get out and enjoy your life. A few things I do to get moving:
- Soul Cycle-you can read both of my blogs on my experience. I am not a pro but I definitely can say I am so much better than before.
- Free-yes I use YouTube to my advantage when I can’t get out of my house. I do not allow too much time to elapse where no physical activity is going down but nothing makes me smile more than a free YouTube video work out.
- Gym-I do still try to do at least bare minimal 2 days at the gym. I typically get my 3 days in since I do my workouts during my lunch time at work, shower, and then continue with my day.
- Use my kids-do you know how solid my kids are? Them little nuggets is like big mac babies when it comes to using them for weights. I usually aim for my son but I have them doing all kinds of stuff with me. They think its mommy and me time and I’m like come beat that donut off of me time. I get a kick and they do too. They line up waiting their turn and its always makes the time go fast and a good laugh is always a good thing in my book.
- All of the things above that I mention I incorporate into my life. I am on the road to being well-rounded and as much as I feel like an island I am embracing the idea of including and allowing others in my life appropriately. You know I ain’t letting just any old body around me. However I am finding some great friendships along the way and embracing them.
Stress as we discussed last week starts sometimes in the mind. Going on and on for so long and not getting your mental health in check can lead to physical stress. Physical stress is when your body becomes very reactive to the negativity that you in or are around.
Let me share with you how bad physical stress can be. When I was in college I was obviously under a lot of stress to make sure my grades were good, I was dating my boyfriend and through immaturity we were that couple you never want to invite because were always fighting, and I was trying keep my parents at bay to the decisions in my life I was making. This lead to one day me having the worst chest pains I had ever had. I thought I was having a heartache. I get to the hospital where they run all types of tests on me only to be cleared as one of the most healthiest the doctors had ever seen. I was having an anxiety attack. The anxiety attack started to mimic physical pain that wasn’t there. If you have ever experienced an anxiety attack you know what I mean.
Another time I experienced physical pain was when after graduating from college I had started a new job working with troubled youth. I enjoyed them but I didn’t have the life balance thing down. I was underpaid and overworked. There’s just no way of sugar-coating it. There were long hours and long nights, lack of hanging with friends and family and stress was an understatement. I was having so much pain that it felt like my stomach was in the worst pain in my life. It was so bad the pain was so convincing that the doctors took my appendix out. It was determined after it was out that my appendix was just fine and not in harm’s way to erupt. Both times there were many things that could have been done to elevate the stress but I never caught on until the pain in my body could no longer be explained. I had allowed stress to make me sick on top of it taking over my mind and thought process.
One of the things that I am learning is that even in the worst of situations its best to take care of your body. Remember stress can kill. Even if things start in your mind and filter in your body, it can kill. Balancing your world in a world that doesn’t know how to balance takes quite a lot of practice. So when you are finding that those headaches and stomach-ache are not letting up, its time to call your doctor. They are equipped to run test to be sure that everything is okay. If the test show no reason as to why you are sick than its time to make some changes.
- Get Physical-how does that make sense? Being physical allows you to declutter your mind and keep your body in check. Who wouldn’t to look good while keeping your stress levels down? It only takes 30 minutes of physical activity a few times a week to do your body some good. What are you waiting for?
- Eating Right-this is a huge help to your physical body. Eating right helps your body respond at the top of your game. To eat right takes discipline. It takes preparation and having a plan. If you’re not on board for doing a health kick, I would recommend arm yourself. Have better snacks at your desk. Pack your lunch. When there is no plan you will eat whatever is there just because you don’t have food to eat. Start your day with breakfast. Even if you aren’t a breakfast person, eat a cereal bar or granola in the am and then eat what I call a breakfast snack. I usually eat 6 small meals a day. This makes sure I am not hungry and will not need to go to that fast food place. When you eat better, are full, you essentially make better eating options.
- Vitamins-talk to your doctor before you start taking vitamins. Do NOT take things from others that are not approved by your doctor. Your doctor knows what you need and you want to make sure you are operating at your prime
So we all know that we have to take care of ourselves. We know that health is wealth. So if you don’t want to be the person who is sick all the time and unhealthy the time is now. We will be exploring a few options to make your physical stress disappear that can be both fun but health worthy.