Mid Week Recap: June 7, 2017

Since the days have been a little crazy and I haven’t blogged in a few days I figured why not today?  So if you read my last recap than you know that I am preparing my house and myself for my hysterectomy.  I figured since I have now had my gall bladder and appendix removed and outside of child-birth would be done with surgeries, but I am not. As I handle the logistics like meal prepping, laundry and cleaning (as if that will ever be done) my mind is all over the place.

Another issue that has come up is that I had to get a mammogram.  I have never done it before until yesterday’s appointment.  Let me dispel all of the horror stories and say that it isn’t life changing in the fact that you hurt so bad you can’t think.  It is uncomfortable. It feels what ladies feel at the first few days of your menstrual when you are sore.  It was painless and didn’t take long.  I was pretty optimistic that things would go well until I got the results 30 or so minutes later and now I have to go back next week and have the procedure redone.  Now before I allowed my mind to take me there with a grandmother and mother who have had their dance with breast cancer, the technician warned me since it was my first time I most likely would be called back.  The reason is simple, there are no images to compare if there really is something wrong.  So next week I will be back.  Until there is a reason to worry I won’t.

One of the things I can’t stress enough is for ladies, please do monthly self breast exams. They are yours-touch them and make sure all is well.  Breast cancer is devastating but what’s more devastating is having a line of defense to feel when something isn’t right but not use it.  Be vigilant about your reproductive health as well.  There aren’t a lot of do overs in the reproductive world.  You need to care about yourself enough to check yourself.

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So in the next week things are going to get crazy.  My kids will be starting camp and finishing their last week of school.  I will have had the surgery and my husband will be the one that the kids run to the most until I heal.  I am okay with it.  I have talked to many women that have all suggested a few things and one of the top things that all of them have stated was to be good to myself during this process.  It’s a bit nerve-racking when I think and wonder if I will have to do hormone therapy and how that will affect me and my family mostly.  I will be talking to the doctor about that in-depth.

Emotionally one of the things that I have felt was like wait I really can’t have anymore kids.  It went away but it was a bit overwhelming.  It wasn’t something I felt when I got my tubes tied after my 3rd child.  I had no sadness in me until I found out about this hysterectomy.  I can’t explain it but I know that other women have gone through it. It was like I was at a funeral.  You know me and funerals never get along.  So after about 15 minutes of this semi despair feeling I was okay. I got myself together.  I was able to move on.

On a happier and lighter note, my son, my bubs graduates from preschool today. If you know me know nothing else I make all celebrations big.  Now don’t get me twisted I am not inviting the masses or throwing a party.  I do things like decorate his room, and just make him feel overall special.  He has picked where he wants to go out to eat, just a day of showing him how super proud of him we are.  He moved from one school to this amazing school and since he has been super happy.  Seeing how unhappy he was before and now is such a relief.  Listen let me say on a side note when you have good kids and they start getting into trouble, do your research.  Find out what is going on.  I noticed with my son he would tell us things and we would ask things and it wasn’t adding up. However what I should have done months ago was moved him.  I felt it inside of me and didn’t act.  I was more concerned with having all 3 kids in different schools.  It’s a lot trust me but his happiness is worth it.  He is smiling everyday at drop off and pick up. He has friends who parents are more geared to how we raise our kids.  That matters trust me.

My job as a parent is to correct him when he needs it and celebrate him always.  We are going to do that.  He is super ready for kindergarten but I am not sure if kindergarten is ready for him!! This beam of light is going to be something amazing and not just because he is my child, but because he is determined to be great! Super congrats MJ!!

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Weekly Recap: May 26, 2017

Happy Friday to you all! Who is ready for the weekend?  I surely am.  Let me just make a world-wide declaration to my beautiful daughter, Naila-happy 8th birthday.  My daughter and I am rightfully biased is one of the sweetest, amazing little girls to date. She loves everyone and is such a jewel to be around.  We plan to celebrate her all weekend long.  I pray continued love, strength and peace to her life always.

It’s also Memorial Day weekend.  So this means that there are going to be a few activities that will be taking place in a city near you.  If you live in or around Philadelphia there are a lot of FREE events taking place.  We ALL can afford free right?  The point is to get out and enjoy yourself.  Don’t go back to work on Tuesday with the boring didn’t do anything unless that is what you wanted to actually do-NOTHING.  Rest, relax, organize, plan for the rest of the Summer time.  Memorial Day is the unofficial start to Summer so get out and get busy.

Personal Highs

This has been a really interesting week for me. I am still coming down on my weight.  I am about to shift from just losing weight to maintaining for the month of June.  I am looking to get to my goal so I can purchase this Boho style swimsuit.  I haven’t bought a swimsuit in 5 years.  Also I was in a lot of control when it came to dealing with the things that life through just this week.  I almost had a little mental break down but some encouragement came and helped me along the way.  I had such an amazing time with my husband this past weekend and some much-needed me time as well.

News

  1. Prayers to those in Manchester.  A bomber decided to bomb the Ariana Grande concert that was being attended by mostly teenager and young children.  My heart goes out to those who lost their lives as well as those injured from the deadly blast. I can’t understand why there is so much evil in this world but there is.
  2. Trump’s administration is supposedly under the microscope.  Even with getting into all of the politics of it all I do believe that Trump believes that he has the power to do as he pleases.  I do not believe he under the concepts of checks or balances.  So we shall keep watching to see what comes of all of this.
  3. Greg Gianfonte is out here body slamming reporters-allegedly.  It’s sad when offices used to be respected therefore they carried themselves to a higher standard.  Pretty soon they going to be pulling even more stunts but what do I know.
  4. Chris Cornell died of an apparent suicide.  His wife is saying medication he was on is what led to his death and he would have not killed himself otherwise. I pray peace during this difficult time.

Personal Lows

  1. I spoke last week about awaiting for test results well I got them back. It doesn’t look good.  I have to be seen this week for some blood related issues and so when I have a treatment plan in place than I will blog openly about what is going on.  I have no problems sharing anything in my life and especially about health due to the fact there is always going to be someonelse who will go through it too.  I will inform you all of any changes especially any changes that distributes the blog.  If you aren’t already following me on Facebook please do as many of the changes will be announced there, https://www.facebook.com/toitimeladies/

Blogs

  1. Ask Toi-about family or friends who come over uninvited and especially as parents who have small kids and have a sitter.  It’s always good to call first.  You don’t know what is going on with people and it shows a respect for other people’s time. If you come over unannounced than don’t expect to have access to someone’s home no matter how close you are if who you are visiting has a sitter.  If that sitter isn’t aware of you stopping by its going to be a closed-door that greets you.
  2. Ask Toi-taking a sex break while married.  You have a right and a choice to engage or disengage but I would suggest that you work out the issue that is causing you to want to take a sex break than to go to you mate and not have a clear definition of what that means.  Do NOT expect your mate to be okay with it but you have the right to your body and to be vocal in what your intentions are.
  3. Annoying co-workers anyone?  Yes we ALL have them. Simple things to keep in mind as you go through the work day.
  4. Mirage screens-we put too much stock in what others are doing, what they are portraying, what they show us, etc.  Worry more on your own life and less on celebrities or couples or individuals you admire.

As we end this week and dive into the long weekend a few reminders:

  1. Sunscreen should be worn all year round not just in the Summer months.  However since pools and beaches will be swarmed this weekend and beyond, don’t forget it. I use a SPF in my makeup as well.
  2. Keep your kids close.  Do NOT get comfortable and get caught up in celebrating that you forget about them.  There are sick people everywhere and the last thing you need is a child to be unaccounted for.
  3. Drink but be safe.  I like a beverage or two but if you think DUI check points aren’t real you are sadly mistaken.  Be careful.  If you are tipsy call a Uber, etc.
  4. Violence unfortunately especially in some cities that are already plagued with violence more will break out.  Watch the company you keep and be vigilant in having peaceful get togethers.  If you are having a fault with someone and can’t be mature than don’t even attempt to resolve it at that time.  I pray that all innocent bystanders will be protected as well.  You can be at the right place at the wrong time, do nothing and still end up hurt or dead.  Prayers to all my ToiTime readers and followers.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap: May 26, 2017”

Birthday Message: Toibration 36 Years Young!

So finally today is the day.  It is my birthday.  Anytime you can wake up on the side of the living is a blessing.  Older people look forward to seeing a new birthday while younger people act as if it is a dread.  Perspective tells you to be grateful for any time you have as it is borrowed.  Today I am grateful for my 36 years.  I have had many times in my life where I have been close to death.  I am grateful for the time I can spend making my dreams come true and being with loved ones.

I am truly blessed that this year has me pushing the limits a bit.  I set out on a journey of self-love this year and I am reaping the benefits.  If I can’t love myself than the love I have for others isn’t pure.  Loving on me more has allowed me to block out distraction.  I am no longer in competition with anyone else but me.  I wake up and speak positivity over myself daily.  I am not a love guru I just got tired of speaking negative thoughts of not being enough, being overweight, not cute enough, all of the things I tell my girls not to do to themselves.  I know that some people have the do as I say mentality but I am my children’s mirror.  What I show them by example is important.  I can’t be trying on clothes and talking bad about myself but tell my daughter to be strong and confident and I wasn’t.  I started addressing my issues.

I first looked on the inside. I was unhappy.  I could fix my weight any day but if I can’t work on being happy what is the point.  I would seemingly just find something else to be an issue.  So I began to journal hard.  When I felt unhappy what was the reason?  I noticed the pattern wasn’t in any event but how I processed how I thought about the event.  How much I allowed my anxiety take over.  These are not easy tasks.  I set out to find a way to turn each thought around.  I am not saying I am totally fixed and I walk around with happiness juice pouring off of me in an annoying way, but I can get through the day and have a better outlook.

When I look in the mirror I love what I see.  I just don’t tolerate myself.  I don’t speak negatively about myself.  I am not looking at my thighs and having issues.  Not just because I lost weight but because I realize that whatever shape I am in, can change and I am fine in my own skin. This year will definitely be better than last year in the sense that I am ready to continue in this love walk.  I encourage others to do the same.  Let me also warn you that once you begin your journey you may not lose friends or family but your relationships with them will change.  It’s then that you will see how people really view you.  Remember there are some who benefit to see you all sad, down, and miserable. Once you change that they won’t be receptive to the “new” you.  It will hurt.  You will be disappointed but grateful that it happened. Shine on anyway…No one can stop your shine but you!!

As always let me end by shouting out my twin sister, Tierra.  I had the honor of coming into the world with my own womb partner, sister, and friend by choice!! Love you and happy birthday!!

And as promised I am about 5 pounds to goal so the featured photo to this blog both at the top were taken at various points of my weight.  My highest weight in December was 190.  I am currently at 155.  So that is a good dip and I am very proud of it! I didn’t want to be the same size as I was after the birth of my youngest who by the way is 3.  You know how women say it’s baby weight but the kids is like 12, that is what I was doing. However with hard work, and dedication I have definitely improved the outside as much as I have improved the inside. I can definitely now give my kids a run for their money. My energy is definitely up.  I can handle going to the gym 3 days a week.  I am eating better.  I have made a lifestyle change instead of only a summer time fine change.  I want to be life time fine.  I have people who depend on me and most importantly I depend on myself.

Huge shout out to all of my friends and family. I really am touched by the special and unique gifts that have all been super personal.  Thanks for the emails, texts, calls, time spent-all of it.  I am smiling hard today.  Thank you to my ToiTime followers as well!!

So I will be on all of my social media spots today.  I will be enjoying this day to the fullest. If you can’t celebrate you no one will right?  Toibration continues….

 

 

 

Weekly Recap: April 28, 2017

Well I hope all is well.  We are ending April on a pretty good note I think.  I hope whatever you didn’t get to accomplish that you take some speed into May.  It’s a new month around the corner. In addition to that it’s time to see where we did well and where we could have done better this week.

 

News

  1. It’s been a full 100 days in office for President Trump.  No matter if you like him or hate him there has been more going on with his first 100 days than most full presidencies.  For one we have had so much threats and rumors of wars.  This is not something that we can act like won’t affect the world because we all know it will. So I don’t know what the next few years will look like, but you can best believe we will remain prayerful, vigilant, and woke.
  2. This week has been filled with sports hysteria.  We are in the middle of the 2017 NFL draft weekend.  I live in Philadelphia and let me say the buzz is not an overkill. People are out enjoying the full weekend events and it has been going well.  If you haven’t already catch up on the picks and events.
  3. There has been more children being abducted in this week than before.  Now that’s not saying I am supporting that statement with full facts.  But there has been an increase of children all over my social media, in the news, and its getting crazier day by day.  No matter how great of a parent anything can happen but please be more vigilant with your little ones now more than ever. Do not leave them unattended not even in the backyard.  Keep them close to you when you are in stores and do not let them walk behind you on the streets.  Grab your little ones hands.  This may require that you take phone calls and text messages later but it’s better than putting up flyers.  Pay attention to them.  Some people are so evil that they watch how interactive you are with your children only to scoop in when they think you don’t care.
  4. R.I.P Robert Godwin Jr.  If you do not know who he is he was the man who was walking home from an Easter dinner with his family and was shot at point-blank range by Steve Stephens who chose him randomly and killed him on Facebook live. It ensued a national manhunt that ended when he took his own life as police pursuit.  I know this has story is slowly becoming yesterday’s news but out of respect please stop sharing these videos and videos like it.  These are real life people who families would appreciate that you find a piece of morality and care.

 

Personal Highs

This week I am down another 3.5 pounds.  Won’t He do it?!  Yes!  I am super excited.  I also did one of my own suggestions in a previous blog about keeping your mental sanity by buying flowers and placing them right on my night stand by my bed.  When I have gotten up this morning I smell them.  Let me tell you how much a store-bought 7.99 bouquet has done for me.  Amazing things for my entire mood. Every morning after I have smelled them things have gone immediately crazy.  I have little kids from bathroom accidents, to refusal to get up, to finding missing items it hasn’t affected me one bit.  The flowers aren’t magical in the least bit.  They just provide a place for me to go to my happy place as I start my day.  Try it!

Blogs

As always if you have missed a blog you are missing out so get caught up.

  1. How to deal with a jerk.  It’s a quick reminder that adjusting your attitude can go a long way.
  2. Ask Toi: pet names and how speaking up can work wonders even in new relationships.
  3. Keep your knee pads-this was the #tbt of the week and we were talking about equality and the things that some men expect but wouldn’t do for themselves
  4. Dragging Lala: the internet was having a field day with the actress because in spite of Carmelo being wrong for infidelity she was supposed to forgive and forget.  That is craziness.  No woman should be cheated on and take it and especially when rumors of babies being added in.
  5. Single and married is the response to Carmelo’s rumored line that Lala was married he wasn’t.  If you’re married you know right well you can’t openly cheat and that be okay unless you have an established open marriage that both parties agree on.
  6. Stress management-emotional stress can be a killer.  All stress tugs on the matters of the heart.  Deal with that to deal with the stress.
  7. Leave the kids out of it goes out to the rude comments made about if Serena Williams who we now know is pregnant while still competing.  No her baby is not going to be made of chocolate milk but if it was it was be the best chocolate milk.  Never talk about kids regardless of how you feel about their parents.
  8. Weigh in: 04/26/2017 this is where I share my newest update on my weight loss journey.  PS. I also drank a unicorn frap, donuts and some wine.  Learning to be normal and balance working out, eating right and indulges is a great tool.

Personal Lows

I have dedicated to getting 2 days a week of sleep and I haven’t done well with that. I have run on empty a few times by doing the most when I get home since I am still doing mandatory overtime and not enough of slowing myself down.  This upcoming week I will be able to slow down and take a much-needed vacation with my girls.  However I will not run myself to the bone before I get there.  I have done a lot ahead of time and look forward to a much semi slower week,

As always I love you all.  Get out this weekend and pour a little back into your cup.  Do not do more for others and leave yourself depleted!! Have a great weekend and I will blog soon!!

 

 

Weekly Recap: April 14, 2017

Happy Friday ToiTime readers!! Can you hear the joy in my voice?  That is what happens when you have been working 12 hour days all week and you finally get over 9 hours of sleep.  I am refreshed and will need it for the Easter weekend.  Anyway.  There has been a lot going on this week so let’s recap.

News

  1. United Airlines out here handing out ass whippings for not giving up seats.  The company is in a full-blown mess these days.  I expect a large payout and for the company’s bottom line to suffer behind the mess.  Little tid bit, do not ever release statements that victim blame.
  2. Second week of bombs from the United States.  Trump’s administration has dropped the largest non nuclear bomb on Afghanistan.  The only issues with all of this bombing is that I fear retaliation against the United States.  For the sake of the world I pray I am wrong.
  3. Woman stabbed to death by Palestinian man on a train in Jerusalem.
  4. 2 Georgia police officers were fired after a video surfaced of them punching a handcuffed man.

Personal Highs

I had a great weekend this past weekend.  I was able to get some me time which was not planned for a full day but definitely turned into a beautiful full day.  I enjoyed the quiet, some adult music and just some down time.  I have been working 12 hour days almost everyday for the past 2 weeks so it felt good to recharge.  I also enjoyed some family time with own family.  We enjoyed some time at Comic Con in Philadelphia where I took some amazing pictures and met some amazing people.  This week has been a little crazy with the mandatory overtime.  However I was able to get some rest last night and I swear it felt like I slept for an entire week in one night.  I expect to have a good weekend this weekend with my kidlets.  They love holidays like me so we will have a blast celebrating. I wish you all who celebrate Easter to remember what it’s all about and have a great one!

 

Blogs

  1. Stress awareness-phyiscal stress.  We talk about what makes us stress out and what that looks like in our physical body.  How we can grab the stress and turn it around in our lives.
  2. Let’s get physical-not everyone enjoys going to the gym even if its good for us.  It’s like veggies but not liking all of the veggies that there are.  You can find physical enjoyment in getting up and finding activities that you enjoy.
  3. Humble my ass, we talk about Lamar Kendrick’s newest hit Humble.  It’s a great record except for all of the men who think this is the song of all songs but don’t truly apply to the words they spit.  It takes more than a dope song to apply it.  We also talk about Tyrese and his ability in his own mind to tell women what they should or shouldn’t be doing while flaunting his 46% Black wife.  Love is love it doesn’t matter what color or race she is but he felt the need to tell the world and down women while uplifting us too as if that can be done at the same time.
  4. TI-Marriage is a distraction: This sounds horrible and it is.  It is horrible if he didn’t have this conversation with Tameka “Tiny” his wife prior to the interview and even worst if he didn’t have this conversation with her before he began acting single. Truth in marriage is hard and it’s not always beautiful.  However honesty should never take a back seat to feelings because in the end no one wins.

Personal Lows

This week I would say pushing myself more and not listening to my body.  I have had a series of headaches and stomach ache this week due to my change of schedule.  And this is the very thing that stress even if it’s not bad stress can do.  I should have slowed it down a bit.  Although the overtime was mandatory this week, little things like going to bed when I got home instead of watching an hour of television and being on my phone could have helped.  Instead of rushing slowed it down and ate at the times I needed and took my medication at the time I needed to would have helped greatly.  These are all things we need to do to make our life even with change run a little more smoothly.

 

I do hope that you all have a good weekend and can say that even if you have a lot of events that you have to be at or have a lot of things to do that you slow it down and get something out of this weekend for yourself.  You have to fill your own cup before you can do anything else for others.

Action Do Something

So let me just say that I have about had all I can take but I know that is not true because as time goes especially in the next day or so the complaints are going to take off.  I am referring to the swearing-in of Donald Trump, which artists or celebrities will be in attendance and even those who aren’t.  This is about the family and friends that are about to go into social media war…. Do Something!

Yes I said it.  There.  There will be countless of those who will have just about every complaint in the world but that will be where it stops.  You don’t like one of your celebrities or artist who is performing or going, than have an action plan.  One of the best ways is to stop following them on social media.  It’s like the Kardashian affect, people say they hate them but they have over 1 million followers a piece.  Yes some folks just follow to get the tea to someone’s life but you aren’t getting how that makes you the person look. You are literally watching a person you wouldn’t even otherwise care for and you aren’t even benefitting from it.  That is a sad part of life.  We ALL have better things to do than to allow the cycle to continue.  Although the media sometimes controls the images that are out, you personally can control what you take in.  I followed Chrisette Michelle an artist that has agreed to attend and sing at Donald Trump inauguration celebration.  Now whether or not I agree with her reasons or not, I sat and watched all the comments made and thought to myself, we have the power to evoke change.  The best way is in the pockets of any artist, socialite, etc.  They thrive on media interaction, and financial backings of their product.  It doesn’t just apply to this now political storm that has been brewing for quite some time now either.  This is a principle.

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If you have people in your own personal life that you don’t deal with don’t just block them on social media but block their access to your spirit and life.  I have done this and trust me the peace to just live and not worry about the foolishness is priceless. So before you go gangster social media arguing, just end it and cut you out of it.  I had a disagreement with a family member.  I found myself getting all upset and going back and forth via social media than I thought, what is the point?   Just stop it now and deal with them on a personal level if you need to and move on.  Or not and just keep on pushing.  We give our energy to do many things and wonder why we are zapped out.  Even in your emails, you can unsubscribe correct?  Unsubscribe in real life.  There is no need to have things and people pulling on you to the point where you are up in arms.  Will Donald Trump being in office cause issues even for those who supported him?  I am sure it will. Learn to deal with what is for you and leave the rest.  If you are going to make a stand I say go for it but do it with more leg work and action and a lot less mouth.  We need a world of doers and not just good ideas alone. Protect your spirit and especially if you are a parent or help in the parenting of your children.

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Back to the Grind

Welcome back ToiTime followers.  We had the smallest break in blogs ever, but a break is still a break right?! Well I am back to the grind like so many others.  Today was the Mondayish Tuesday ever.  Yeah I just made up that word but whatever.  I had to keep hitting the snooze button.  This little break allowed me some good sleep.  My kids even let me sleep in until like 930 and for parents that’s the equivalent of sleeping in until noon. So to have to go back to the 530am life, I wasn’t ready.  Jesus be a fence, I thought I was going to have to dip myself into a coffee pot.

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So what have I been up to during this small little break.  Nothing.  I have enjoyed my family, spent time with friends, and really just did a lot of nothing. For Christmas we went to my parent’s home.  It was a lot of fun. We had a family sleep over which was great too. Nothing like not having to leave to travel back home and be able to indulge in some adult beverages too.  For New Year’s day we were at home.  I super decorated and enjoyed some family.  It was nice.  We didn’t have to leave our home.  We were able to eat and drink and not worry about any foolishness that takes place on these types of days.  The kids loved staying up and pretty much doing whatever they wanted.

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Let’s fast forward to this morning.  The struggle was real.  My husband and kids were off for a few days.  Well technically they all were off since before Christmas. I on the other hand worked pretty much during the time they were off.  However even though I am a morning person, this morning was the hardest ever.  I wanted to stay in the bed and get up again at 930, but responsibility came knocking.  The kids struggled too.  We had to just turn the music up loud and get things done. We successfully got to our destinations on time.  That is God, trust me.

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Well how’s ready to dive into their 2017?  I have already signed up to do another Soul Cycle class this week.  If you remember I did one in the Summer and thought I would die. However die or not, it’s getting done.  I have a specific goal as I continue my weight loss journey.  I like many will continue to hit the gym at work during my lunch break.  Gym during work helps me and I can’t make an excuse since the building is only a few feet from where I work.  I am continuing to drink my water.  You know me and water have a love/hate relationship.  I recently found me a great workout journal.  So now on top of my regular planner and my blog planner I have taken on this one.  I am a visual person so for me it’s not overkill.  It helps me to be able to find tune what I am doing.  For instance I have to write down how much water I have drunk.  That’s great because now I am more aware and can use myself and my journal as an accountability partner to get things done.

Welcome back to the hustle and bustle of life.  Make it all you want it to be.  Let’s enjoy all that 2017 has to offer.