I feel a Whole Lot Better

Today I had the honor of attending the Black Girls Run brunch where we celebrated our 2017 accomplishments of run, health, and fitness. Many of the women ran themselves from needing medication to control diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. Some ran themselves into smaller versions of themselves and even ran past other complications as I did the same.

I posted on my personal Facebook how I was over 225 pounds this time last year. I was awarded for completing the 5k today! I still feels the chills of that race. That race although smaller in comparisons to triathlons or marathons signaled how I made a decision to be a better version of myself. I didn’t give up, trained, worked hard and completed that race!

When I was in high school and college I ran to reduce stress. I was already super active. My weight was never an issue. Shopping for clothes was a breeze until after college, life and my second child. With my first child I lost more weight than I gained and was already smaller than my pre-pregnancy weight before my 6 week check up. It’s the second child that I ate just to eat. Add the stress of moving, being a stay at home mom and laziness I didn’t drop the weight. I then lost weight at one point, got a new job and guess what? Got pregnant with the 3rd. I was devastated if I’m honest. Not at the new baby but because I wasn’t ready to embark on the journey because I didn’t feel I had attacked my emotional reasons for my eating.

Depression and not caring for myself led me to being over 225 pounds. I hadn’t seen that weight since being pregnant and here I was at this weight with no one to blame but myself. I kept saying after I would run into someone from my past and they would say Girl what happened that I would lose but I didn’t. I had a few older church members staring me down at almost 225 and instead of using it as a wake up call I just said well I’m still smaller then you. I was so misplaced. I should have been able to work hard instead of trying to compare myself to anyone else.

Fast forward to stepping on a scale at work at the end of 2016 and being humiliated. I had to come to terms that honey, I was big. I wasn’t pregnant and no longer nursing and there was no more excuses. It was hard! For the first month I struggled. It wasn’t until I looked in the mirror naked and saw the weight loss for the first time like wait, girl your little dimple is back! You do only have one neck that it became easier to push even when the workouts got harder.

Today at the BGR Brunch I’m like whew you saved your life! You took your weight back and gained confidence. You ran, enjoyed food right, and you worked and continue to work harder! So although I’m still toning my body and continuing to push myself, I’m grateful for meeting the women in BGR. Although they came at the middle of my journey they will forever hold a special place in my heart. I have yet to meet one mean member. On runs they push you. If they see you get tired, they encourage you to finish with no short cuts!

So as 2018 continues to show itself, I plan to work harder, eat well, travel, attend more events and step it up from the 5k to the 10k!! Why not?! I can do anything!!

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Blackish Postpartum Episode

This is a trigger episode if you ever had or have currently postpartum depression.  I am going to be super blunt today, I cried throughout the episode and let me tell you why:

  1. I dealt with postpartum after the birth of my son.  I remember feeling like the biggest punk and failure because I couldn’t navigate through it.
  2. I felt isolated and therefore didn’t speak up to others not even my fiance at points throughout
  3. I had no support because especially in the black community black folks always talk that you gon be aight, go pray talk when real life ish is happening that takes prayer and action.
  4. I remember my mother in law being a huge trigger for me not because of her being mean but because of her personality and me not being strong enough to handle life at that time.
  5. Postpartum is real.  It should be discussed without shame
  6. I still reach out to moms and new moms in my circle because suffering in silence is unacceptable
  7. Please show love to a mom and be understanding.
  8. Phrases of get over it, you need to go somewhere and rest, it ain’t that deep, or you just need to get it together will NOT help a mom going through postpartum
  9. Sometimes medicine is necessary
  10. Postpartum is not a weakness.  Our bodies go through it during pregnancy and birth and its going to take some time to get through this new life.
  11. I do NOT allow people to make jokes of it.  It’s not funny.

 

Blackish did their thing on that episode capturing what its like.  I cursed almost exactly the same time I felt like Rainbow should have-watch it and you will see why.  Blackish definitely made sure all of the pure emotion of what it’s like to go through postpartum was like.  When I went through it, I felt like I couldn’t connect to my son.  I felt like because I had more support with my oldest that when it came to my son I was doomed.  I cried all the time. I blew up all the time.  I was in rage a lot of the time. I threatened to call the police on my fiance many times.  I had friends who saw me going through and talked about me like a dog instead of offering help.  I had family who gave me the eye when they found out, BUT I got through it all.  This very blog was created after I healed from that experience. It made me more aware of what I was capable of going through at the birth of my last daughter.  It made me stronger in the end.  It also is a good look for dads too.  They need support. They need to know how to approach the conversation and how to support themselves, their families and their ladies as they navigate through all of the emotions good and bad that pregnancy and childbirth brings.

 

Here is more information about Postpartum

This episode regardless of the title of the show (I know it offends some right off the bat) is a MUST see for all!