Ask Toi: Follow up To the Wife who’s Husband’s Mother paid him to leave her

So this was a suggestion from a reader to find out what happened to the couple whose mother paid the husband to leave his wife and he took the money:

If you didn’t get a chance to read the original article, get it here

The update is that they are happily divorced. They hadn’t been married that long and the mother in law was an issue throughout the relationship. The wife once she knew that he had taken the money, stayed about 6 months so she could save money to move out. She moved out and filed for divorced the same day. She is currently not dating but in school and focusing on what she wants to do. She stated that leaving was the  hardest yet best decision she could have made. She knew that her mother in law was messy but not that messy. She said that the part that hurt the most was that he took the money stating he was going to use the money for them to buy a house together.

I asked her about any red flags and she stated the following:

The mother in law definitely had a vote in what the couple did. The husband would talk to the mother in law every time an argument or disagreement was had. She also noticed that the son had been giving the mother in law large amounts of money and would be late paying bills. The mother in law was always told and then the money was borrowed back. She also noticed that the mother in law spent all of her time at the couple’s home. She would insist she needed to see her son daily. Anytime she would assert herself in her own home, the mother in law would tell the son that she was being disrespectful towards her.

I think this was by far the worst of a mother in law story I have heard to date. I have never personally experienced anything so horrible. I will say that a marriage needs to be about the husband and wife and not letting everyone in.  No one has more of a vote than the two individuals that made the covenant. Being balanced is knowing when to vent and when to learn to heal and deal with your spouse. I have always said be careful of the information that you give to others about your relationship. You will get over things quicker than the outsider. Mother in-laws should always be respected and so should wives. There should be attempts to resolve issues where both can be honored. However if a mother is disrespecting your wife you should speak up.

I am so sorry that you had to go through that but when people show you who you are its wise to believe them. I wish you much success in school and that you continue to develop into the woman you are meant to be.  It sounds like you really weren’t going to win in this situation. If divorce was for you and you’re happy I wish you much more happiness in all that you do. There is someone who is going to be on the same page of life and relationship when you get to that point of wanting to get back out and date. In the mean time, study hard and enjoy!

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Weekly Recap Friday June 22, 2018

Hey ToiTime followers!!

I hope all is going well. We just celebrated the first day of summer! Yes a new season and this one is one of my favorite ones. I hope that you have a few plans of your own for the next upcoming weeks!

I encourage you to find activities in your own backyard. I know my fam bam will be doing more local events but that doesn’t mean that our fun will be any less! Just the other night we started our summer movie series where we watch movies outside with snacks, ice-cream and snow cones, etc. There are several locations throughout Philadelphia and for us it’s a great way to make memories, get outside and have a little fun during the week. Our kids are on their Summer sleep schedule. I know some folks talking like let the babies stay up late but um that’s a nope! They are in camp while we are at work and the wake up times haven’t changed!

Personal Goals

I am making sure to do my self-care daily. Say what you will if you don’t with all the news alone can make a person go nutty! I am running in a night run on Saturday for S⬆️2C Stand Up to Cancer so that should be lots of fun. Also going into next week I have a lot of projects before the 4th of July coming up. I also will be training as if I really stopped for some Fall running events and will keep you posted! Of course I will be scheduling at least 2 beach days for myself and at one for my kids. The verdict is still out if my husband who doesn’t enjoy being at the beach will attend!! Nonetheless the beaching must go on!!

Blogs

I’ve been emailed and asked if I’m taking time off in the summer and the answer is no. I took time off in April so unless something comes up I will let you know. Remember if you have a question for Ask Toi to send an email to ToiTimeblog@gmail.com I will always email an answer privately and then do it for the blog anonymously. Also as I attend events I blog them more in the Summer! So be on the look out.

Summer Blessings

I pray that you get out and have a great time. I also hope that you stay safe. With summer is more drinking and one of the most avoidable causes of death is drunk driving. In 2018 with apps such as Uber and Lyft there is no reason to ever get behind the wheel of a vehicle and put yourself or others at risk. Also for my single and dating, be careful that you aren’t getting catfished or let your guard down when meeting new people. Stay visible and be vigilant.

May the sun be present more this season. May you be able to enjoy the hotter months and have the best time. Have a great summer and we are looking forward for to more blogs!!

Weekly Recap: Friday March 16, 2018

So happy Friday and Pre. St. Patrick’s like a St. Patrick’s Day eve to you all.  I hope that you are doing well and have a relaxing weekend ahead of you.  Let’s talk about what has been going on.

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Thank you a thousand times over for every woman who has volunteered to be interviewed for Women History Month.  If you have missed a few, try your best to read them.  These women range from all over the spectrum in life and career.  So be sure to check it out.  We have a few more yet to do so don’t think we are done celebrating because we are not.

Spring is near!

Spring is around the corner and I literally can’t wait. I am still waiting for the weather to align but that will come in time.  I hope you are getting Spring ready.  Here are a few quick tips on activities you can do to signal a new season:

Spring cleaning-it is a thing.  This is when you wash them window seals, clean curtains, clean ovens, etc.  Just do a detailed cleaning of your home and your closet. Yes your closet.  Its time to take the blacks and greys out of your wardrobe and open your life to some color. Trust me it does wonder especially if you have been dealing with the Winter blues.  Maybe even switch up your make up and nail colors too!

Also those clothes you find you can’t wear, donate them! If you’re going to keep one or two outfits just in case you get to that smaller size fine but don’t keep them all! Donate!

Get scheduled: I can’t say this enough, get your appointments on the calendar and get out and get your health together.  You should be making appointments to have your whole body checked. Have you noticed your meds aren’t right? Get them evaluated as well. Encourage others around you to do the same.

Get moving-for all of those who couldn’t get in the gym during the Winter, Spring brings the opportunity to take it outside. Get you some old fashion jump rope etc and get active.  Your body and mind will thank you. Also get outside even if you sit outside for 10-15 minutes it does wonders for your mental state!

Blog love

So this week a blog that I’ve done for Greenide has been posted. I’m super proud of this article and if you have missed it, read it here Greenide I talk about some weight loss tips that encourages you to keep moving towards your goals!

Personal Goals

I am still training for the Broad Street Run and getting stronger by the day! This is a 10 mile run and a far cry from the 5k I did last year! My goal is not to be the last one and to complete it! Also I have a solo trip coming up next month! I will blog it upon my return and give you the black out dates for when I will be on a little few days break!

Enjoy your weekend! Find something you enjoy! It doesn’t have to be super big! Fill your cup!

Weekly Recap: Friday February 23, 2018

I hope everyone has had a great week.  I am super grateful for seeing another Friday.  This has been a good week so let’s get right into it.

Personal

I got into the Broad Street Run! This is the nation’s largest 10 mile race.  So I am excited, nervous, and in training.  I did my 5K last year, but this is the big league.  If anything say a prayer for me.  I have a lot of support around me and that is making sure that I keep myself fit and this will continue to push me as I keep my fitness goals for 2018.  No falling off the wagon will be allowed.  The race will be on Sunday May 6 of this year and that is in about a little over 70 days but who’s counting?

Also I am grateful for my kids getting over the flu.  I am super glad and praying that my youngest doesn’t get sick.  The older two got sick and that was more than enough for me. And as many knows since I posted an old throw back my littlest turned 4.  We are super proud of the big girl she is becoming.  We wish her well this year as birthdays in our home are always special and definitely a great time for a reset.

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I am still going strong on meal prepping.  What I mean by meal prepping is above the meals I prep on Sunday for the family for the week but the healthy meals for me and my husband for our lunches, etc for the week.  I do a cook up Sunday and between two crock pots and the oven I am making sure that food and food options is not a problem in the Storr home.  I cook at least 3 options that usually gets us through the week and then all of the lunches and snacks for the kids and adults for the week too.  So the Produce Junction knows me.  I am okay with that.  I can buy bulk and really not spend an arm and a leg and we have meals ready to go for the household.  It takes dedication to do it but I save a ton of time during the week.  As a parent my number one goal is to make sure my kids eat well and that they are in the bed by 8pm nightly.  And thankfully we make it happen by spending some time using some of the weekend to make the work week go a little more smoothly.

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I have a few other changes that are coming up and I will blog about them as soon as I can.  Just a reminder since February is when most people abandon their goals, DON’T! Keep going and you will see that breakthrough you have been waiting for. Intentional goal setting and sometimes resetting are all necessary so go out and reach for whatever you set your eyes on and crush it!

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Next month is Women’s History Month.  With that in mind we have some amazing women that I have had the great opportunity to interview. I can’t wait for you to read their stories.  These are some amazing women that live all over and are the everyday women who are out here failing, picking themselves up and crushing their goals.  I know that often times we put so much emphasis on celebrities and forget you may be a woman who is doing phenomenal things or have women in your own circle that are doing phenomenal things.  Don’t count them out.  Always be okay ladies, with giving props to other women.  Another great woman can’t take your shine, it only enhances it trust me.

We kick of Women’s month on Thursday March 1, 2018 and we celebrate ALL month-long.  If you still would like to be interviewed, please send an email to toitimeblog@gmail.com

Parkland Florida

Our hearts goes out to all of the staff and children who lost their lives during the school shooting that took place last week.  I as a mother can’t imagine what those parents were thinking as they heard the news or got the call that their children were in harm’s way. My heart goes out to all of the children who had died over the years due to these senseless killings.  It makes no sense to me.  I am not one to think I have a concrete solution but I know that we need to have action along with prayer.  May all who have lost their lives R.I.P and the families be filled with comfort even when the news dwindles.  May comfort come to each home affected!

 

Weekly Recap: January 26, 2018

Whew! This has been a WEEK! I hope everyone had an awesome week. If you haven’t noticed this is almost the end of the month! Already almost one month into the New Year. What have you been doing with your time?  If you say nothing or you using the same excuses you used from last year, it’s not time that’s your problem you might as well receive that you are the issue. Anything you want to do you can even if you have to modify your plan.  So what are you waiting for?  Another New Year to not accomplish anything.  Reset and start right now.  The time is yours for the taking. With that in mind, it’s time to jump into this week:

Personal Goals:

I have lost another 9 pounds and currently I am 5 pounds to goal weight.  I am shifting my work outs to weights.  This will be about toning. I want to make 3 areas tight, the back, the arms and of course the stomach.  Trust me I have plenty of time before swimsuit season to get it right.  What has increased is confidence.  I know that my body is doing what I want it to do because I am making it work and doing the work to get it there.  I also was able to get out with my run buddies this past weekend and that in itself is amazing.  We try to be sure that when we run that we don’t run when it’s at the freezing mark and even with all of my years of running, I have never run in the Winter.  I am glad that I am able to do this time around.  Another great this week is that I started a new position at my job.  I love it although it took a little bit to get the information, I am rolling. I am not stopping there.  So be on the lookout for me trust I got some plans up my sleeve. Also shout out to my amazing kids who are doing super good.  We have incorporated friends and family to send us videos to encourage the kids.  I believe that as much as we tell them we love them (daily) they need to know that there is a village of love supporting them.  Shout out to my amazing village.  It took a little time to build and mold it but these videos my kids have gotten don’t just show them they are loved, but let’s us know that we have support and love as well!

Blogs Goals:

This week has been light, don’t worry I have been working.  We are still in need of women to step up and answer the call to be interviewed for Women’s month next month.  The reason is simple, we need to see women of all walks of life changing their lives as well as failing and overcoming. Sometimes we look at celebrities and aspire to be them or have this unattainable goal, but there are women in your own neighborhood, communities, and circles that are out here killing the game.  Get to know them.  If you want to participate send an email to toitimeblog@gmail.com and I will do all the work.

What’s Coming Up:

We are getting ready for Valentines Day blogs and Women’s Day blogs. It is important to talk about Valentine’s day because as commercial as the holiday is, there are many people who lose it around this time.  This one holiday sometimes can be just as triggering as Christmas.  So we are going to do our best to cover you during this time. I will be using this down time this weekend to get my content edited ahead of time.  I ALWAYS cover everyone from married, single, divorced, and those who just want to be light and fun.  So be on the lookout.

I also am working on the new goals for the page. If you haven’t spent some time on the page ToiTimeBlog

We write-up some little tidbits, tell you about the holidays and observances, as well as let you know a little bit about me, February I will tell you a few of my favorites, what I love about the month, and keeping things fun and light.  Check it out.  Also be sure to check out Twitter

Oh and for those who know please find something this weekend that you love and spend it surrounded by those who love you.  Too many times we are surrounded by folks that could care less and give all of this energy out knowing that if we were in a jam the same folks wouldn’t even cross a puddle for us.

Self care-practice it, find something that builds you up and do that daily.  Please! It’s important than ever these days.  If that means sign off, if that means unfollow things and people, if that means take a social media break, do so.  Sometimes that may mean a nap, or a longer bath, or just an outing for yourself.  These are just a few examples. DO what YOU need!

 

Weekly Recap: January 19, 2018

Is anybody other than me still struggling with writing 2018?  I don’t know why I am but I am.  It seems so weird to say but we are all the way into the New Year. One of the things that I can’t wait to do is to continue to enjoy. I don’t want a lot of things I could have done, I want to look back and say I did.

Personal Goals:

I was able to finally book my solo trip. I had been debating if I was going to open this trip up to friends but I decided to do it on my own.  Everything in the world that I have read have all confirmed this trip.  Shout out to Demetria Lucas who I look up to so much who talked about tips on traveling alone recently.  This was after I had booked the trip.  Trips alone for me are something I want to add and luckily I can cross that off of my list for this year.  I will blog it once I am back but that wont be until April.  Just know where I will be going will be sun and heat.  I can’t stand this cold it’s getting on my nerves so in the mean time I will just envision myself there.

Shout out to my cousin Thalia who had the most amazing Sweet Sixteen.  It was great to be able to hang out with family to dance, drink, and eat.  Thalia is such a hard working young lady with the grades to prove it. I pray that as you continue in your walk that you get smarter, stronger, and make a beautiful mark in this world!

Go Eagles

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The Eagles won! That was a major game. Although we didn’t get to see the game, it was definitely great to hear that they had pulled the W! This weekend we will see if the Eagles has what it takes to make it to the Super Bowl!

As far as workouts I did the damn thing this week! I gave myself a rest day yesterday since I worked out everyday.  It feels good to know that I also have some fitness plans coming up in my weekend!

Shout out to my oldest daughter who got Peacemaker award at her school.

Blog Goals

Thank you to everyone who continues to read and support. It’s a blessing to do what you love.  If you have missed any blogs you may want to catch up ToiTimeBlog

This week we covered a lot of Ask Toi questions as well as talked on the life of Dr. King.  Today I even posted about a time where I was drowning in depression, self-pity, and etc and had to learn how to pull myself out of that.  So shout out to all of those who feel like there is only one string left and you are still holding on.  It doesn’t feel good in the fight but once you come out if you learn the lesson you can combat whatever comes your way applying some new-found skills!

What’s Coming Up for ToiTime?

One I’m continuing to crush these work outs and good eating.  What you eat is important as what you do with your body.  I am working on getting my runs aka 5K set for the year.  I also working on attending one blog conference this year as well.  So if you didn’t know we are traveling and doing more events this year.

In addition a new month is upon us, February.  The month of love. As always I plan to talk to my singles who seem to get missed in this month and give you some survival skills as this month takes a toll on those who desire to be with someone and are not.  It’s a real life feeling that when you have someone you tend to forget.

Also early this year I need to work on those ladies who want to shine a light on a part of their life that they overcame. I need women from all walks of life and backgrounds.  Don’t worry I do all of the work and all I need you to do is be open, willing and transparent.  I think so far I have written some honorable pieces. This will come out in March but I need to do all of my interviewing now.  If you are interested let me know by sending me an email to toitimeblog@gmail.com

 

Thanks, until next time-find something that you are passionate about or something that makes you happy and do it well!

Ask Toi: End of the Year Edition

I am going to end my Ask Toi with a few that I have yet to publish and answer.  I pray that as we close this last month out and this week that you will go into the New Year with clarity.

How do I tell my wife that speaking ill about my deceased mother bothers me?

One she knows better.  I don’t care what she says, she absolutely knows better.  She don’t need to be told but since she’s not using her common sense, please talk to her. I get that mother in law situations are and can be a lot.  However when your mom passed, whatever issues that happened should have died with her.  There’s no point in your wife fighting a one-sided battle.  If the two of the couldn’t get it right when she was here, then your wife needs to deal with her issues on her own or with a therapist.  She should be sensitive to your needs and your pain.  That doesn’t mean suppress her feelings, it means that she needs to actually deal with them.  It is utterly disrespectful to speak of the dead.  There’s no way around it. I would tell her how you feel and tell her that you won’t entertain such talk.  Your wife can be all the way in her feelings because you asked her not to speak of your mom regardless but common courtesy should be followed in someone’s passing.  She wouldn’t want to hear it if it was the other way around and it doesn’t matter if her mom treated you well.  This is why people need to understand that forgiveness is for you.  If you don’t learn to let things go this is how people can have power over you from the grave.  Let it go! She needs to let it go!

Side note: if you are on this Earth and have an issue with someone on Earth, then do what you need to do to forgive them even when its something that they didn’t ask for.  Some debts will probably not get paid.  You may never hear the words of sorry but it’s for you.  It releases you.  Had this young lady released this she wouldn’t be burdened with talking about her deceased mother in law and bringing pain to an already painful situation.  Let it go! Drop the charges.  As we go into the New Year, if you keep bringing in old dirt, you will not benefit from it at all.  Learn to let it go.

Side note of the side note: what you talk about and give power still has you.  Watch your conversations.  What you keep bringing up you haven’t dealt with.  Learn to deal not bandage or mask healing.  Deal!  The matters of the heart, flow out of your mouth!

How do I go into the New Year with positivity?

This starts with your thoughts in your mind. If you don’t change that you will be the same you that you encountered in 2017.  You have to be willing to see things the way you want them to be.  If you want to be a better person, break down the areas of your life. Write down where you are now and where you want to be.  What can YOU do to get there?  Focus on those things even when you have doubtful moments or days enter in.  Focus and be about action.  There is always one thing a day we can do to get you to your goals.  What are those daily things?  Maybe its working out to get you to weight loss.  Maybe its taking one class a semester and studying daily to get a degree.  Maybe its about negative thoughts, so saying daily affirmations is your go to.  Whatever it is it’s never happening without an action plan.  Be about your daily business to your ultimate goal. You got this, know that, believe that, and then work it!