Ask Toi: A man I’ve been dating for months has gone stale in communication, what should I do?

This sounds like he’s ghosting you. Ghosting is when someone you’re dating or dealing with no longer answers calls or text messages and is unavailable.

First of all, understand that some folks avoid difficult conversations. He is definitely not interested or has more on his plate and is unable to or doesn’t want to add you into the equation. There could be a thousand reasons why. It’s not your job to figure him out. Your job is to not take on his lack of communication as means of figuring out your worthiness of being in a relationship that meets your needs.

I can share that I’ve been ghosted in the past. However when I went back and thought about the surrounding signs that I paid no attention to it made sense. I had been ghosted by someone who didn’t have his stuff together. He didn’t have a place of his own. He was almost nomadic or basically going from one spot to another. So I didn’t fit the bill of fostering that situationship and was ghosted. It was cool while it lasted. I spent more time than I should have worrying about what I could have done for someone who wasn’t worthy of the amount of energy I gave. Don’t be Toi in her 20s. Be smarter than I was. Know your worth and add tax. Dating was hard in my 20s and it’s harder now!

This man may never reveal his why. You may have to gather yourself and move along. It’s hard! It sounds easier said than done but it’s definitely necessary. Chalk it up to dating in this world with inconsistent players.

Going forward pay attention to the signs. When something sounds off, acts off, or behaves off, it could very well be off. You would be better off without the headache.

If it’s that he isn’t being as consistent as he once was in terms of communication, Ask. It could be that he does have a legitimate reason. But don’t be fooled into I was bust explanation. Busy people still prioritize their wants.

Good luck!

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Christmas Self-Care

It’s Christmas! Time to break out the food and fun! For some the holidays don’t always represent love and harmony. This holiday often is the hardest for many reasons! With that in mind I’m giving you a few tips to survive it!

  • Have an exit plan- family is great until they’re not. Make sure you can leave and have a back up plan for self-care. Don’t stay anywhere that will send you into a tail spin!
  • Take things in strides. As much as you want to do more, eat more, drink more don’t over do it!
  • Have fun. Don’t make everything to be on such a schedule and don’t have a list of demands whether it be in the form of gifts or time that you feel others should spend. Allow those around you to be able to flow
  • Say no. You can’t be to everyone what everyone wants. Do what you can and leave the rest. Others around you will adjust
  • If you’re single around the holidays it’s hard. Acknowledge it but don’t let it overtake your thoughts. I told you about a friend who literally screamed on the phone out of her desire to be with someone. It’s a real overwhelming feeling but you can drive yourself crazy trying to be with someone.
  • Keep perspective. Know your reasons for the holidays and don’t get side tracked!
  • Love on others
  • Do for others
  • Don’t get into arguments or fights over the holidays. Walk away!

Whatever your plans are, have fun. May you have peace. Do what you need to do to ensure your own peace. Life is too short to be around folks that you regret or to not be around those you love due to misunderstandings. Work out what you can and make amends with whom you can. Find peace and pursue it! Don’t stay where you aren’t wanted. Don’t do anything that will make you complain. Do things because you truly want to! What would be the point of going around certain people only I spend hours talking about how bad it was if you knew it would be bad going in. You can be around people and do what’s best for you. This could mean go and leave at a designated time. This could mean not engaging in certain conversations. For those who have amazing family and friends that you have, be grateful! Enjoy it! Smile! Be present and not just bring presents!

Cherish the memories!

Merry Christmas!!!

Monday Motivation: Christmas Edition

As the holidays are exactly 8 days away one of the things that I have changed is not waiting until the last-minute for everything. I have a few things to do but I am not allowing any of it to get under my skin. For that I am grateful. I know the holidays aren’t about giving gifts or receiving gifts as much as it’s about be a blessing to those around me and spending time with my family and which is my personal choice to celebrate the birth of the Savior.

gift present macro bokeh

Photo by Tookapic on Pexels.com

I am not allowing the hustle and bustle of the season to make me crazy.  I am not going to spend time getting into countless arguments over stuff that I know that I can’t change. I know I can manage my time. I know I can prepare things early enough to be sure that things are the way I want them.  I know that beyond preparing for the actual day of Christmas is about preparing for the kids to be on break. Finding them activities that can be done in and out of the house that won’t break my budget.  These are the things that I am allowing to motivate my week. I don’t want to be sitting around upset or making myself vulnerable to mindless arguments over who should be doing what and when.

Be intentional about your thoughts this week. Your to do list will get done in tine. Do what you can and what can’t be done, don’t max out cards to do it. Don’t stress your life so that you are going more and more into debt and pain in the New Year. Do not do more for folks if it isn’t coming from a good place and a good heart. I have cut out a large amount of spending by focusing on the kids in my life. That doesn’t mean I didn’t get any adults but I definitely didn’t try to get all of the adults I know. Balance is my focus. My motivation is keeping the spirit of fun in my thought process. Playing with my children. Making time to watch movies with them. Making sure that I bake with them. Not worrying about material parts alone. Some people really lose it trying to keep up with the Jones’s.  Don’t let that be you. There are a million things to be celebrated. Families coming together that were torn apart, checking in on the elderly, seeing strangers smile who might have been so down that the holidays seem like a joy kill to them, serving the less fortunate, any and everything can be seen through different lenses. Do not loss that focus as you wrap gifts, prepare food, and set out outfits.

joyeux noel neon signage hanging beside christmas tree

Photo by Colin Schmitt on Pexels.com

This week, choose joy. Choose to see the good in this already evil world. Choose to be grateful for what you have and the little you may think you have may be someone else’s portion. Choose to be happy that you have the ability to make decisions that affect your life. Choose to smile more. Choose to be kind to others around you. Pay it forward. We need to hear more stories of others doing for those around them than taking. Let’s hear it this week for making sure you check in on others. There is a lot of pain that comes in with the  holidays too. As much as I love celebrating, I know that some folks are hurting. Some folks are experiencing high levels of pain, death, grieve, etc. My heart goes out to them. I have been praying for more people who are in these situations more and more as the holiday gets closer. Think of those people around you. Motivate your Monday and week to the things that matter that don’t have anything to do with price tags.

Keep your mind and heart clear. Sending you love as you go into the home stretch of this week!

Sunday Message: Stand in your Own Light

There’s so much expectations going on. I’m watching a lot of current events and hearing debates on all types of things. One thing to keep in mind is allowing people to find their way and stay in their own light. So many times we want to make others come you our points about everything. Let people do what feels right to them.

We don’t want people to be cookie cutter versions of everyone around us. Being unique and different is what makes us spark. Learning that you can be among others and be yourself is the only way for you to know and live in authenticity. So don’t worry if you’re ideas don’t match others. Make sure whatever you bring to the table is what you intended. It’s important for you to stand in truth. I’ve learned over the years how amazing life can be when you live on your terms while respecting others around you.

So as we enter this last week of Christmas and you begin to focus on your new goals for the New Year don’t forget to honor yourself. Don’t make your goals on what others think you should be. Don’t wait until the stroke of midnight to be motivated. Start working towards your goals now. Add a new goal each week or even each day. Your goals won’t just turn on January 1st. Your goals need to be turned on every time you wake up. What one or two things can you go to live in your truth and let your light shine?! Do them daily. If you honor yourself it will help you to honor others around you!

Stand in your light today!

Made in Philadelphia Holiday Market

I had the elite pleasure of taking the tour of the Made in Philadelphia Holiday Market. This was my actual first time! Now like the Christmas Village, it’s an open air market. It features delicious foods from of course Philadelphia. It also features artisans, designers, crafters, with gifts under beautifully designed tents.

So as we began the tour the first stop was at Philly Sausage. It features two sausages the Italian Market and the Philly Sausage. Amazing doesn’t even describe the way my tastebuds felt. The cold began to be less frigid as soon as that warm sausage hit my tongue. They were excited to be out there and welcomed us with warm arms. Trust me we needed it!

The second stop was of course to the Beer Garden. Nothing warms me like alcohol. With three different flavors to choose from it’s a match made for everyone. I of course tried the Lemon Meringue IPA that had the highest alcohol content. Judge your mother it was cold. It’s super tasty! You definitely need to try it!

We enjoyed the Deck the Halls Light Show sponsored by Independence Blue Cross. An electrifying display of music, magic and lights all covering City Hall was an absolute delight! I loved the part when as we watched people didn’t just watch and filmed, they also sang along!

The fourth stop of the night was at Popcorn Obsessions. 80, yes that’s right 80 flavors of out of this world flavors. I highly recommend the mint chocolate, peppermint stick, and the chocolate cookie dough. They were sweet perfection. This goes outside of the normal flavors you would find at a local spot. They have sweet to savory flavors! You will not leave disappointed

So by this point I’m happily jittery as we took a walk to the Winter Garden sponsored by TD Bank. This garden has seating for those who want to enjoy their beer. Speaking of beer, at Dilworth the new treat this year is not being restricted to drink only in the garden. You can drink your beer while you walk and shop. The only place you can’t is within City Hall.

I absolutely loved the Winter Garden. It’s visually stunning, plenty of seats to enjoy your drinks, and the reindeer grass displays were super cute.

Now one of the highlights was stopping at Lokal Artisan Foods for the French Toast Bites. Now I know everyone loves French toast however if my French toast ain’t crunchy I don’t like it. This French Toast changed my perspective. It was deep-fried and the owner, Charisse McGill made my French toast bites with love. Have you ever met someone who just had that IT quality?! She’s it. She’s personable, passionate, and makes French toast tell a pancake to get down!! I was impressed and I look forward to seeing more in the future from the whole company. PS she quit her job 3 weeks ago and went from punching a clock to walking in her destiny. I can’t wait to watch her story unfold.

One of the jewels of the night was Gourmet Creations. These spreads which we tried on pretzels can be used on various foods. I tried just about all of them and the highlights for me was the chocolate raspberry and the Cheddar Ale.

On our next stop we made our way to Cynful Bliss. This is a mobile alcohol and non alcohol infused desserts. Now yes I love my “adult juice,” but this was more than that. The passion that was shown through the product is a hit for the holidays and beyond. I had “Greed.” It was peach cobbler and peach brandy. What I loved is anyone who makes desserts with alcohol knows alcohol will burn off during the process. However they add more than enough to have a shot in a glass with premium alcohol. I’ll be ordering some for the family. Who doesn’t like desserts? This was the perfect combination. You can have your cake and drink it too!!

Who doesn’t love cannolis? I know I love them. We had to include the stop to the Cannoli Cafe. Fresh and sweet. I loved it.

Nothing says the holidays like cookies. Our stop at Picket Fence Confections was a pure delight. Homemade and beautifully decorated they were a sweet treat. Kera puts her heart into her creations. These cookies are fresh and amazing. I had the apple cinnamon oatmeal cookie and it was the perfect mesh of perfectly paired ingredients as well as it was one is the softest cookies I’ve had in a long time.

After all of that eating it was time to take a ride on the Carousel. As cold as it was and as much as we thought we would be too cold to enjoy it, our inner kid came out immediately as soon as the ride started. How could it not?! Everyone loves the fun and excitement of a carousel ride. Grown folks riding around, smiling, and laughing made us forget for seconds that we were in under 40 degrees.

So off to Penn Potato Fries. Amazing chicken and fries. It was well worth the wait. They didn’t just have it pre made. It was made while we waited. We were able to talk, ask questions, and dance along to Christmas music but once I ate the fries and chicken immediately I knew that this was a stop we couldn’t have had passed up.

Since the Holiday Market has something for everyone I was even able to stop at Piggy Back Treats to grab a treat for my furry brother Sammy. These are human grade treats for dogs and cats. Definitely don’t forget the pets in your life. These treats can be delivered locally and mailed. Get your orders in soon to guarantee before Christmas.

Now to end the night well at least food wise we stopped at Woops. Woops is the macaroon of macaroons. All kinds of flavors to choose from and I highly recommend the mint chocolate. The only issue is which ones to choose from.

One of the last highlights outside of the Rothman Orthopedics Cabin is of course the Ice Rink. Everyone of all ages enjoying a night of skating, smiles and some of the best Christmas music!!!

So if you love food, you’re covered. If you love beautiful one of a kind gifts, you’re covered. If you want to gather your friends and family for a good time for the Light Show or Ice Skating, you are covered. What’s not covered is getting all of this for too much longer. Be sure to get out and leave the hustle of the holidays and make time for fun!!

With all of the holiday options you got to make sure you don’t miss any of it. Stop by the Made in Philadelphia Holiday Market!!

Monday Motivation: Movement Necessary

It’s another Monday! Another week! Another chance to make our lives the best that we can. It’s a time to reset and refocus. So many of us start our Monday’s complaining. I get it. You had no real work responsibility all weekend long and now it’s back to the grind. However instead of looking at how blah you feel, find a way to refocus your efforts!

The New Year will be here soon where everyone will make promises to themselves but often times those promises fall by the wayside because we don’t actively look towards our goals. If you don’t like your job what are you actively doing to make that change? If you aren’t happy in a relationship, what are you doing to work on yourself that will give you the strength to see your worth? These things matters. The reason successful people have success is they don’t turn their brains off. They are constantly in active motion.

As you begin your week and Monday what are you doing to have active motion in your life? What steps are you working towards to set yourself to success? Move. Make things happen. Everyday you can move yourself that much closer to greatness! Everyday! If your losing weight daily checking your eating habits and how you are moving will get you towards those goals!! Everyday you have the power to evoke a strong level of change! This change can be personal and in the world around you!

So what are you doing this fine Monday?! Own your flaws. Own your goals and refocus them daily, weekly, and monthly! Get moving! Move towards your goals!! Move! Make the necessary changes!! Move towards the you that you want to be!!

Christmas Fun: Story time with the Polar Express

So not bad for a Friday night but we decided to go to the Barnes and Nobles story time of the Polar Express reading by Chris Van Allsburg for the 30th celebration!!

The reading included hot chocolate and cookies and Christmas carols. It was an amazing time.

The kids enjoyed wearing their pajamas outside the house!!! I enjoyed the fact that there’s no place I would love to be than in my favorite store of Barnes and Nobles.

We ended our night with you guessed it purchasing books!

Take some time to Google free events in your area especially around the holidays. You will be amazed of the fun you can have!!