ToiTime Celebrates Father’s Day

I love my dad.  There is no debate about that. I think that all dads should be celebrated. The issue with Father’s Day is that we don’t honor them. I know I am not blind to the fact that many dads don’t step up. I get it.  I get that some homes only have mothers and grandmothers and women taking care of what should be a two parent job. However, does that mean that as a woman who has an outstanding father I should diminish my love for great dads? The answer is HELL NO!

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I see the amounts of money spent on moms and I am like where is the respect for dads? Growing up I could be in the classroom where only a handful of us talked about having one. I felt bad for the ones who didn’t and I still do. However my dad is just a great man so you’re going to have to cry thug tears today if you don’t want to hear about it.  Let’s start with my grandfather. Hands down the hardest man I know. I could care less what anyone says, that man is the best.  He is over 80 years old and still does odd and end jobs to take care of my grandma. He gets up at like 4 in the morning to start his day. He is the last to go to bed sometimes.  He travels and sings and he is the one that feeds everyone and is super helpful.  There isn’t anyone in the family that can say a bad thing about him. I am sure he has flaws but as a grandfather he covers everyone married or not. He is there and is consistent.  So no wonder my dad is definitely a chip off the block.

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My dad is the type that I can call crying and he would stop the world to come to my rescue. Growing up he was hard on us but he definitely showed love.  He is THE BEST dad ever. Not just because it looks good to say but off social media and this blog he is there.  So when Father’s Day comes around I like to make sure that I give what I can to show him how much I love him and respect him.  He has seen me in my worst, still loves me.  He has yelled at me when I needed it, still loves me.  He has taken me out on our little dates together, still loves me.  This man has done it all.  He has worked hard at jobs he didn’t even like to support us all. He has stayed up late hours if we were sick and went to work like it has never bothered him.  He is the one that everyone knows and respects no matter what.  He is just a great dad.

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Then go from my dad to my husband. He is the best dad to our kids.  He plays with them. He does whatever is necessary.  He is the total opposite of what his dad was to him. That’s not a knock to his dad but it is facts.  He works hard to make sure that he isn’t giving our kids what he was given growing up.  People say that we are a product of our environment but that is a choice.  My husband is the dad that sneaks the kids stuff behind my back.  Like most dads he gets to play good cop for the most part.  The girls have him wrapped around his finger.  They give him them eyes and they get what they want.  My son is his twin and I swear he uses that to his advantage often. So they have a great dad.  I wanted them to have the same experience that I did growing up and I believe they do.  My husband is hands down the best dad the kids could have asked for.  I want to publicly let the world know how much of a great dad that my dad, my husband, my grandfather and my uncles are to their families respectfully. It is super empowering to know that these men have our families back.  I love you all!

So those who have great dads, please celebrate them. Give them the same love you would give your mom. It’s a dual job.  They are both equally important.  For the ones who experience pain during this holiday, I pray peace and calm.  It is hard not knowing what it is like to have your dad take you out as a daughter and show you how a man is supposed to treat you. To know that a man isn’t supposed to hurt you.  To know that when the world is crazy that your dad’s voice and actions are to be protecting.  If the world gets to crazy that your dad is supposed to raise hell.

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Happy Father’s Day to all of the amazing dads in the world.  To the ones with secret super hero capes, you will never go unnoticed here at ToiTime.  Enjoy your day!!

 

 

No Accounts

So one of my favorite cousins had a conversation about no accounts.  When we first started talking it was about no account mammies.  Yes I said mammies.  No account mammies are the moms who have kids and don’t take care of them.  The moms who drop they babies off to big momma’s house and be in the club every weekend.  The ones that don’t ever even check on big momma to make sure she need anything.  Always expecting somebody to raise their kids but don’t raise them themselves.  The no account mammies are the ones that have kids and expect the state to take care of them.  These are the kids that get fished into homes other than the one they should be in.  No accounts have a reason for why they do what they do but most don’t take into consideration that at the end of the day a choice was made and a choice was taken.

My cousin and I have these talks all the time.  However the no accounts can really apply to anyone to be honest.  it’s not an attack on women or mothers.  It’s the reality of what happens when people who are too selfish to care about how choices and actions actually interfere with others.  So for the sensitive you might as stop reading now.  I will not sugar coat no account people.  They are all around us.  They could be in your close circle.  This is not to say that you must have a perfect life.  I know myself and others who have had lives that have been filled with tragedy, regret, etc but the choice to end up as a no account person is a personal choice.  I had a conversation with a person yesterday.  They said something that clicked to me.  Without getting into the details it boiled down to level of relationship.  Some people appear to be no account with you because they don’t even value you as anything worth doing better by.  Is that the person’s fault?  Some of it can be.  However could it be the way you allow certain things to be said or how you carry yourself in that relationship that makes the difference?

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We give the no accounts so much credit.  For instance the cash me outside chick.  She is a no account.  Sorry not sorry.  She is slated to make millions of this ghetto vernacular that black folks been accused of acting like but we get the wrong end of the stick.  To be honest she is a disrespectful child that needed her behind kicked  a long time ago.  Yes I said it.  I will not watch a reality show that glorifies her bad behavior.  She needs the right set of parents.  Now she making club appearances.  How?  She isn’t even 21 to enter these premises and making more than most hard-working citizens.  But the dummies of the world put their stamp of approval on her and bam she’s an instant hit.  Miss me with her and her antics.  I am not a hater.  I am on team make your money but if the only claim to fame is because you out here threatening to hit folks but every other time you getting your ass beat than I am in the wrong field.  She is out here making disrespect and foolishness cute.

No accounts care but mostly about themselves.  Have you dated a no account?  The one who every time you bring up stuff they disregard you?  The one that can’t seem to be on time except if it affects him or her?  The one who seems distant but you still working on him?  How much working on him or her do you need to do before you clock out permanently?  Even doctors get in and do what they have to do in surgery.  If the person you like has that much work to be done it may be time for you to consider that surgery time is not even worth it.  Like what are you really going to do with this person?  Convince them?  How is that working out?  Even in marriage the piece of paper that governs and holds your benefits of marriage together can’t make a husband or wife do what you want them to do.  After awhile working on the marriage becomes just exhausting but I know we aren’t supposed to say that because the ones striving towards marriage will feel some type of way.  This is real life.  The glitter and gold of all things eventually wear down.

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Let’s talk about the no account job you have.  Who makes it no account? Does working at McDonald’s make it no account.  Absolutely not. I really have to say this.  Nothing in this world irks me more to hear people who finally get a piece of job saying the most demeaning thing about fast food workers, or janitors.  Do you realize that people need to work.  Where they work has no bearing on who they are or what they can or can’t do.  I hear people say when people don’t have a job that they could have worked at (insert job) but the minute they do they have to deal with the most uppity attitudes because they sold you a burger.  Stop this mess. You have no idea where you can be doing what you have to do for yourself and your family.  This uppity mentality of telling people “he or she better pass me my damn sauce” needs to stop. No matter where you go you will find folks with bad attitudes that’s from the high-rise job to the lowest as well.  So don’t attribute raggedy to someone just because of their job title.  If you treated others well no matter what they do or who they are you yourself would be a lot further in life than where you are and that’s the truth.

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No account friends exist.  I am struggling in this department.  The reason for the struggle is that it has nothing to do with cutting people off.  It’s seeing the shift of friendship and waiting for the shift to complete itself.  No account friends are the ones who never have nothing nice to say.  You bring up something they make it about them.  Or tell you that they been there and then go into the ME fest.  Sometimes you need to just hear “let me know how I can help you.” Just because you did it one way doesn’t mean you have to speak ill about something and someone you call a friend.  No account friends start when friends forget to treat each other the way you want to be treated.  Not just when you feel needed and have a god complex that you are now saving the world.  No account friends have to be dealt with by cutting them out of your life.  Getting cut hurts.  So the emotions you feel behind it is real.  However what can you do with a no account friend? Nothing if your honest.  They don’t serve a purpose but frustrate the gifts, talents, and love you could be giving to another human being and get the same in return.

You have the power to end the no account cycle.  It doesn’t matter what your title in life is trust me being a no account person or continuing to deal with a no account person will only lead you into a place of continued frustration.  You will be dark and angry without knowing why and all along it was because you had all of the negative energy around you.  Take your life into your own hands in that you do what is absolutely best.  You have a right to be happy. Happiness is a state of mind.  However your struggle with the factors that you don’t think you can change.  Its going to hurt.  You will miss the negativity.  Yes you will.  You are used to it. Like for instance I was used to certain behaviors from others.  So the minute I took charge and ended it I still longed for it.  This is the part about change people don’t talk about.  They make it seem as if you change and then you just keep on trucking.  That’s not true especially when you been around something for so long.  However like my grandma would say to hell with it and folks.  You have to keep walking away, stay away, and command respect in your own life and how you deal with others and especially in how you allow others to handle you.  How you allow others to handle you is super important.  Often times when you allow folks to do anything the only one mad is YOU.  You know better.  You feel it’s not right.  You know you don’t like it than stop it.  It can be on a little scale or large one, end the mess today.  Take into account the no accounts in your life.

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People are walking around full of sorrow.  Some of it is from what they have done.  Let me give you a nugget for your past.  If you DID it already and have made strides to do better and changed your life around know two things.

  1. It’s over
  2. People do not have to validate your change.  You do not need an amen corner to push you along to the best parts of your life.  Walk alone if you have to but stop waiting for acknowledgement of change that may not come.

If you are walking around with sorrow in your heart because you lack friendship and you want to be connected as most of us do, put out the very personality and love you want to receive.  When it comes back to you tainted know that who you attempted to connect with or have been connected to is the wrong one. Another free nugget of wisdom, the amount of time you have been connected with a person or group of persons is never a reason to stay in a no account relationship.  Why do you think that people who have been married for 25 years end? It could be they held on for selfish reasons like making the kids happy.  It could  be that they weren’t financially in a place to end things.  This happens more often than you think.  Walking around in the wilderness of any relationship being faithful to it because of amount of years knowing it no longer served you is craziness.  Don’t get discouraged.  Keep on going. The right ones with the right spirit will link up and it will be like being thirsty in a desert and finding water for the first time.  Your issue is in the mean time of that happening.  Continue on your goals, fine tuning your crafts, finding your gift to the world and taking care of your home. Your home also means your spirit, your well-being, and what makes you whole.

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Why Am I Pushing Self Care/Self Love?

If you follow me on Twitter and you should (Toitimeblog) I am really pushing others as well as myself to really think about what it is they need to make them see, feel and know that they are loved.  This is the essence of self-care.  Knowing you are loved and doing the things necessary for your love moves beyond waiting on someone else to love and pour into you.  Whatever someone else does for you becomes a bonus instead of the only source.

So what can you do for self-care/self-love?  The first thing you need to so is find out what you like and need.  Do you really love flowers?  Do you just need some me time?  Do you need a little getaway?  Are you trying to figure your life out and need inspiration or direction?  Do you need walks to clear your mind?  Whatever YOU need you need to find ways to pour into your own spirit.  I know I have some single, dating, married, parents, etc readers.  This means that all of our lives are being pulled in a million directions.  It’s super easy to get caught up in making sure everyone around you is taking care of and less of a priority to make yourself your number one.  However when you are attempting to balance your life you really have to learn that its okay to do so.  Why do you feel that you can’t have the best love life of your life?

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Self love is super important.  So what does one do?  After you figure out what you need you simply take some time out daily to complete it.  Self love as I stated on Twitter isn’t just something you do on Sunday, after a break up, or every now and again.  This is a daily venture.  Everyday you should be doing something that uplifts your spirit.  You should be buying yourself weekly flowers if you need it.  You should be taking 15 minutes to pray or mediate.  You should be reading a good book or magazine.  You should be making a spa day at home because you need it.  You should be finding ways to get the things you want by being creative. You should be doing all of this on a daily basis.  It doesn’t have to be super expensive.  Last Summer I took a beach day.  It cost me a tank of gas, a few snacks, money for food, some adult music and sun screen.  I plan to do this on my own this Summer as well.  You want to go somewhere but you are balling on a budget, find deals.  Research. Don’t look to always have an entourage.  If you can’t go anywhere on your own you are going to have a hard time even in crowds too.  Be self-sufficient and see what this world has to offer.

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So I could give you self-care ideas but the ideal is for YOU to figure it out and do them.  Yes on days when you are tired.  Yes on days when you have had a bad day.  Yes on days when you don’t want to be bothered.  These are the best days to do them.  You want to build a bank for the days when you aren’t feeling your best.  You want a bank that you can draw from when you want to just snap out on everyone for everything and nothing at all.  Are you worth it?  Absolutely.  Even if you think you aren’t trust me you are.  Make your own days your best day.

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Oh and lastly one of the best things you can do for yourself is to exercise that NO muscle. Sometimes you need to let folks NO you aren’t going to do and walk away.  If you are grown you don’t always owe others an explanation.  This way of thinking can be damaging.  You are NEVER going to make others around you happy.  They will never always like what you say or do.  So stop doing back flips in the area of acceptance.  You need to work on accepting you with all of the flaws you have.  It’s okay we all have them.  Embrace them but still love on yourself.

What it Means to be a Woman

The statement of what it means to be a woman is so complicated. Some would answer this in relation to their status meaning a wife or mother but the reality is being a woman when you strip the titles is much more than who were are connected to or what connects us to others.  Being a woman is one of the most liberating yet most scariest thing ever.

We don’t get the respect that we deserve.  Find any woman it doesn’t matter if she is CEO of a large company or a stay at home mom, she is under appreciated  She is expected to be everything to everyone all the time.  She is to be dressed to the nine, fierce, show strength but not too much strength if there is a man present.  She is expected to wear a lot of hats but not show emotion because emotion is considered a weakness.  Women can be all of those things.  We as women define us and that definition of who we are changes as the things within and around us change.

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We are able to make things happen on small and large scales.  We can handle a lot of things that come our way and are one of the most resilient creatures you will ever know. We don’t always get the chance to come back and get it right.  Often times we have to be reactive due to whatever is being thrown our way.  Women are beautiful no matter the shade of color.  We are beautiful no matter what we own or don’t have.  The beauty of a woman is to remain who she wants to be even when the world wants a certain reaction from us.  We are in control.  So what defines one woman may not work for the next.  Let me give you an example.  Every woman is not a mother yet motherhood isn’t what defines a woman’s womanhood.  As long as she is a woman she is a woman.  She doesn’t need to bear children to be accepted into this invisible club that she already was either birthed or in this day paid to be in.  It’s that simple. I really get tired of all of non mothers who have to go through the 4th degree as to why.  Yet there are women having, killing, or throwing babies away getting passes.  Most of this even comes from other women and we have to do better.

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Women are complex and beautiful.  So for women’s month my goal is to highlight that.  I don’t want to give you just the stories of women who are all making it but fail to showcase the failures it took to get to where they are now.  There are so many no, falls, screwups, second chances, etc that take place and sometimes with the filters of social media all we see is the beautiful side. So when you as a woman are going through your dark side you feel alone.  You feel like a loser when we all have these same moments.  We all cry.  We all hurt.  There is a woman with fabulous still being dogged out by someone.  There is a woman somewhere being told that she is less even though she is giving her all, failing, and then left feeling deserted.  So ladies, ease up on all the judgments.  We all trying to do our absolute best.  So for women history month and beyond this blog will always showcase women in a positive light.  We may always deal with the negative things we need to do better in but we will always deal with them in the manner where we all win.

Cat Fight Chronicles

You know there’s a thing about women being catty.  Not all women but quite a few.  The reason in my opinion as to why there are so many catty women in the world is that we don’t have enough women who are more interested in first building themselves and then other women.  Think about that. How many women know deep in their hearts that they see another beautiful woman and just automatically compliment her?  Think about how the beauty of another woman doesn’t take away from you but because you don’t even believe you alone are beautiful this woman who you 9 out of 10 times don’t even know intimidates you.  She makes you feel less than you are.  She makes you second guess what you have on. But SHE isn’t the issue the issue is more self-reflective.

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Let’s give you some examples. If you watch just about any reality television and it doesn’t matter what race of women are involved the formula is always one and the same.  You get a group of women together and pin them against each other and bam you have instant ratchet and success.  So we love to watch it but say we would never act like that in real life. The real reality is that just because you aren’t throwing drinks in someone’s face doesn’t mean you don’t dabble in cat fights.  You dabble every time you engage in meaningless conversations where you tear down another woman.  Some people like to disguise it as “lifting another one up” like you’re in a church click.  Some disguise it as keeping it in the circle.  The best way to know if you are catty is that if you can’t and won’t repeat what you say about another woman to her face especially a stranger you are officially catty.  Let me say to my I can dish it out and I don’t hold my tongue ladies, you do.  You don’t ever say things in the same intensity that you described it to another person like you would to the actual person’s face.

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Another example you and your man is out.  Your man glances not the whole look down of the woman.  Instead of acknowledging even if it’s within yourself that she is beautiful, is dressed nice, or has a nice body, the first thing is you slap him for glancing. Let’s not confuse this with the out right stare.  We are talking about a glance.  So deal with your man’s wandering eye but don’t knock the fact that the woman he saw is attractive in some form or else he wouldn’t have looked.  Unless your man is a scumbag and remember you choose him, than that woman isn’t getting his number just because of her attributes. She is not coming home with you unless you’re into that sort of thing.  There’s nothing she can do to your well-being or your relationship unless you allow it or your man allows it. She doesn’t take away from you.

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Another example its hard to date or marry anyone with children.  We all know that baby moms and dads can be a handful but the reality is that they are going to be apart of your life.  I know plenty of women who fight their significant other.  For instance if you watch Love and Hip Hop New York you have Yandy, Samantha and Erica fighting over who was first, second or last.  Who had Mendencees heart etc.  I could go all day on why it’s not even apart of anyone’s need to fight over Mendencee but the reality is this is a common fight among women.  If you are on the scene now with the love of your life and the other past women isn’t currently involved, etc than just build your relationship with the one you are with.  No need to worry about who was first unless you are the current in the relationship getting cheated on.  Always deal with your man and not the other woman. Cattiness will keep you on team petty and at the end of the day 9 times out of 10 either you are making you look stupid or the man you ready to bust someone one’s head to the white meat is making you look even more stupid.

Let’s talk about ways to be less catty.

  1. Grow up-sorry no cute little saying to make it easier to read.  You need to grow within yourself.
  2. Build self confidence-this is something we all need a dose of anyway.  The more confident you are the better at reacting and engaging with other women you will be. Confidence makes a huge difference in how you see others.  The lens of perception gets clearer.
  3. Tell women when you see something you like about another woman i.e  a nice pair of shoes, a cute handbag, or outfit that you like it.  This is called a compliment.  Strong women are able to offer these freely because they know it doesn’t take away from who they are, what they have.
  4. Smile more.  When you smile more it really does help keep your focus on what is important in your life at any given moment.  Women who are miserable tend to strike against others the most.  Misery loves company never forget that.
  5. Disengage in negative behavior from other women.  We are the best at ending cattiness by dismissing it in our own circles.

I am not suggesting that changing cattiness is super easy because it’s not but it can and should be done.  You will find that uplifting each other is the best thing for all of us.  Take for example the Women marches that have taken place since Trump has been office.  If we united like that on an everyday school we all would be winning.

Self Love

Self love will look different, sound different, taste different, etc to different people. Self love means by the very definition is about loving yourself.  The broadest definition of self-love is learning how to care for you, what you need, how much you need, and being okay to not limit how often you love on yourself. How you achieve the goal will be the unique marker for each individual person.

If you are in a relationship and you are finding that the person that YOU selected isn’t loving on you the way that you want, do some things about it.  For instance, if self-love looks like you taking some me time, that’s what you need to do. In relationships we all need our own time but when you don’t have enough self love and aren’t being active in your self love, the second your mate isn’t doing what he or she needs you get upset.  What you haven’t recognized is that you may not have loved on yourself and therefore what you lack isn’t love from an outside source but from yourself.  Your personal love cup is empty.

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This is a new journey that I am taking.  When you start to love yourself even the mundane everyday interactions that you tolerated before will cause your eyes to open.  You start setting limits on how much time you are in one place because you see that the person or location no longer serves you.  This is the by-product of loving you.  Our society always seems to put more on an emphasis on what others do, how they do, and when but not enough on what you require, how often, and when.  Change the way you look at yourself.

When you self-love you can see your flaws, work towards making them better, but still embrace them. Self love isn’t always a come to Jesus moment either.  Self love also involves making some drastic changes and changes that sting and hurt in the beginning. For instance, how can you love on you but don’t care what you consume?  These type of bad habits have to stop when you love on you more. Tap into what YOU need and not what people have set limitations for what THEY think you need.  If a part of you needs to finish school so that can be a goal that you cross off for you, than do that.

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I was walking in the store this morning.  I heard a woman tell the cashier how her husband doesn’t like it when she reads.  First thing that came to mind was what in the unholy hell is that?  How can a man tell his wife that he doesn’t like her reading. Then I stopped because I have no idea what is going on in their home, if it’s a cultural thing, or if she really is in an unsafe environment.  What I did hear is that she said that what he wanted didn’t stop her. She gets up early almost an hour before he does and reads anyway in another room.  She takes books to her job and uses her lunch time.  She uses her E-reader to read and he thinks she is web surfing.  I could go in on her oppressed like home, but she did something about it that made her happy in spite of the environment she was in. What about you who aren’t living in an oppressed environment.  Are you willing to get up early, stay up late, change your schedule, make yourself temporarily uncomfortable to give YOU what you need?  I mean apart of the process of self-love is learning how to tune out the negative thoughts that come from you and those who you seem to want approval from.

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Self love should be the first love you master and re-master over and over again.  This will take loveless relationships and end them fast.  You can’t dip yourself in love and allow someone to give you less than what you give yourself.  Maybe you need to re-check your self-love meter.  If you compromise on you than don’t go off on someone else who does what you allow them and you to do to yourself.  Have you ever been asked what makes you happy but don’t have an answer to give?  I am not talking about winning the lottery.  I am talking about the type of things that make you happy that money can’t buy yet when asked you go blank.  Your self love bank is empty and you need a refill.  What makes you happy? What are your passions?  What makes you at peace when the world is going to hell in a handbag?  I am going to clue you in even as a wife and mom although I love my titles, it’s going to have to be more than changing some diapers and loving on my husband to make me happy.  Relationships change and kids grow.  Simply and only being caught up in either title will leave my self love meter empty.  Why do you think the divorce rate is high when couples get into the empty nest phase.  One they may have not put in enough energy in their relationships or themselves.  However it rolls out to be, self love is the MOST important love you will ever encounter.

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Cleaning Up

Now I know some people are either on team resolutions or they feel like it’s the dumbest thing ever to do.  With that being said, we still need to take the time to finish some loose ends.  If you are against resolutions that’s fine but to be truly successful you must have the mindset of making goals even if its daily and making it happen.  Nothing happens by accident.  Things that you want and need out of life do not simply just fall out of the sky. You have to work hard.  It has to be in your mind and heart and often times will need a little elbow grease to take off.

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We just celebrated and are still celebrating the holidays.  It’s also time to change focus. Yes the new year is coming, it comes the same time every year.  What I have been doing is tying up loose ends of 2016.  Making sure the things on my vision board that I actively been working towards achieving are all lined up.  Checking over the family goals and seeing what I can put in place NOW not waiting until January 1st.  Yes I know the new year is coming in a matter of days, but honestly the mindset for change has to be renewed daily.  There is at least one thing that can be done daily to reach your attended goal. No one is perfect so that means with goals there is going to be good and bad days.  The bad days aren’t the end all be all, failure is only when you don’t make any moves.

So what are you needing to clean up besides some holiday decorations?  I am focusing on paperwork.  I am a stickler for organization and to be honest its honestly just a down send when you have papers all over the place.  It’s not necessarily a trait that my husband and I share.  So often times it takes me going in and making sure things are very organized to get things done.  I plan on making sure I know where I stand in the most important areas of life.  Paper in the way is usually in the form of bills, or things for the kids.  So my plan is to reorganize it all so a plan can be in force.  You don’t know where to begin if you don’t know what is on the table to get done.

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Another area that I am always tweaking is relationships.  It  is so much harder to navigate holding onto dead relationships.  Regardless if its romantic or not, some things and people need to be let go.  If the relationship is making you negative, hurt, or angry re-evaluate the level by which you have placed the importance.  Sometimes we do things out of habit or comfort.  Sometimes it may take you being uncomfortable to make change.  When I was dating my husband in college he was my first.  You couldn’t tell me there wasn’t another man greater than him.  I wouldn’t have believed you.  It had nothing to do with sex.  I was totally infatuated with him.  I wasn’t willing to see what was out there.  The men that I dated after him became a comparison game.  It wasn’t until I decided to knock this behavior off.  How could I know for real if my ex-boyfriend was my dream guy if I wasn’t willing to take the breaks off and try.  So I did.  I can say that when my husband and I came back together this last time that it was because he was the ONE.  I had to venture out and do some self-love, travel, enjoy my days of being single.  I had to stop looking at being single as a death sentence.  I met some great men that have and will make great husbands but they weren’t the one for me.  Also dating even when you are wanting to settle down doesn’t have to be looking at everyone and evaluating when you will get proposed.  I was never that extreme but there are some that first dates turn into interviews for rings.  Stop. You put too much pressure and not able to find out all you need to know about a person. Do you know how many men are great for giving rings but it doesn’t mean they are the ones that make great husbands.

What about some of the bad habits.  If you picked one bad habit to stop, that in itself can cause great change.  We all know about the outward ones like bad eating habits, etc.  They are great ones to change but the ones like lying, talking about folks in the name of prayer for my church babies, or keep up drama.  These are the things that a lot harder to break especially if you have “always” indulged.  However these bad habits evoke the most change.  These changes help to place you in the right place in your life.  These are the ones that make the difference in your life.  Once you make several of these changes, it will bleed into other areas too.  It changes how you respond to others, it causes you to definitely be more calm, and it in general will be the stopping place for why some people can’t excel. Take more inventory to your inward person when you keep trying your hand at positivity and it seems to not work.

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As we embark soon on 2017, began now to put an action plan in place for your goals.  Don’t just let this year come and go with the same excuses and lack of plan like in years past. Make the difference between a normal resolution and jump into life changes,