Since the days have been a little crazy and I haven’t blogged in a few days I figured why not today? So if you read my last recap than you know that I am preparing my house and myself for my hysterectomy. I figured since I have now had my gall bladder and appendix removed and outside of child-birth would be done with surgeries, but I am not. As I handle the logistics like meal prepping, laundry and cleaning (as if that will ever be done) my mind is all over the place.
Another issue that has come up is that I had to get a mammogram. I have never done it before until yesterday’s appointment. Let me dispel all of the horror stories and say that it isn’t life changing in the fact that you hurt so bad you can’t think. It is uncomfortable. It feels what ladies feel at the first few days of your menstrual when you are sore. It was painless and didn’t take long. I was pretty optimistic that things would go well until I got the results 30 or so minutes later and now I have to go back next week and have the procedure redone. Now before I allowed my mind to take me there with a grandmother and mother who have had their dance with breast cancer, the technician warned me since it was my first time I most likely would be called back. The reason is simple, there are no images to compare if there really is something wrong. So next week I will be back. Until there is a reason to worry I won’t.
One of the things I can’t stress enough is for ladies, please do monthly self breast exams. They are yours-touch them and make sure all is well. Breast cancer is devastating but what’s more devastating is having a line of defense to feel when something isn’t right but not use it. Be vigilant about your reproductive health as well. There aren’t a lot of do overs in the reproductive world. You need to care about yourself enough to check yourself.
So in the next week things are going to get crazy. My kids will be starting camp and finishing their last week of school. I will have had the surgery and my husband will be the one that the kids run to the most until I heal. I am okay with it. I have talked to many women that have all suggested a few things and one of the top things that all of them have stated was to be good to myself during this process. It’s a bit nerve-racking when I think and wonder if I will have to do hormone therapy and how that will affect me and my family mostly. I will be talking to the doctor about that in-depth.
Emotionally one of the things that I have felt was like wait I really can’t have anymore kids. It went away but it was a bit overwhelming. It wasn’t something I felt when I got my tubes tied after my 3rd child. I had no sadness in me until I found out about this hysterectomy. I can’t explain it but I know that other women have gone through it. It was like I was at a funeral. You know me and funerals never get along. So after about 15 minutes of this semi despair feeling I was okay. I got myself together. I was able to move on.
On a happier and lighter note, my son, my bubs graduates from preschool today. If you know me know nothing else I make all celebrations big. Now don’t get me twisted I am not inviting the masses or throwing a party. I do things like decorate his room, and just make him feel overall special. He has picked where he wants to go out to eat, just a day of showing him how super proud of him we are. He moved from one school to this amazing school and since he has been super happy. Seeing how unhappy he was before and now is such a relief. Listen let me say on a side note when you have good kids and they start getting into trouble, do your research. Find out what is going on. I noticed with my son he would tell us things and we would ask things and it wasn’t adding up. However what I should have done months ago was moved him. I felt it inside of me and didn’t act. I was more concerned with having all 3 kids in different schools. It’s a lot trust me but his happiness is worth it. He is smiling everyday at drop off and pick up. He has friends who parents are more geared to how we raise our kids. That matters trust me.
My job as a parent is to correct him when he needs it and celebrate him always. We are going to do that. He is super ready for kindergarten but I am not sure if kindergarten is ready for him!! This beam of light is going to be something amazing and not just because he is my child, but because he is determined to be great! Super congrats MJ!!
Happy national donut day!! I had one and I mean only one donut and couldn’t really eat much of anything else. I forced myself to have a healthy lunch because that donut was definitely a lot of empty carbs. Well I hope you all had a good week. We are coming off a 4 day weekend some of us anyway from Memorial Day. I hope you had a great holiday weekend. We celebrated my daughter’s birthday and had a really good weekend. No complaints. So as far as this short week it has definitely been filled with a lot of ups and downs. So let’s get into it.
Personal Highs/Personal Lows
This week I am going to put these two categories together. There is a lot going on and I told you lovelies I would update you. One we had a great time celebrating my now 8-year-old. Time is flying when you’re having fun right? We are also gearing up for my son’s preschool graduation. I know some people make a big deal that these types of graduations are pointless but it just gives the little people something to look forward to. I personally feel like celebrations are what makes life great. Those who know me know I will make his day special. That’s what I do. I feel like life is about making memories that they can look back on. It’s better than buying a bunch of material things.
Also this week I have been vigilant with my doctors to get me an answer. I have been suffering with migraines for quite some time. I am also anemic. However with the new diet my doctor made sure I had all of the supplements that one would need and I increased all of the iron enriched foods so you would think I was good right? Wrong. I am not. My doctors and I have decided that it was time to get a hysterectomy. I know for some they get it done when they have fibroids. I do not have them. I am losing too much blood. My blood volumes and levels are one step to more transfusions. For some they would say, why not start a pill that would decrease your period. However the thing is that I have already done that. I have been on pills off and on. I got my tubes tied when I had my 3rd and last child. I know some would say why put this out there? One its MY BODY and my page. Secondly being a woman going through women issues is not a place of shame and I refuse to hide like I did something wrong. That is pure craziness. Why would I keep it hush-hush when there are millions of women like me going through the same thing.
I am no wonder. I won’t be the first or the last. Ladies my decision was about what was best for me. I have to do what I need to do for ME. Was my husband there? Absolutely. I know my decision will have an affect temporarily on my home but I had to do what was best for me. No need to lose this weight, do all of this work and still be underlying unhealthy. That is sheer madness. I know what I need to do and I know what can happen if I don’t. I love me and I need to be here as well as I have little people who need to have a healthy mom. So with that in mind in the next week that is what I will be doing. Have I researched all of the options? Absolutely. This has been an ongoing back and forth thing. I am prepared for the steps after. I do NOT claim to know it all. However I am fully aware that the steps towards self-love will help me through the down side of this procedure. So with MY family’s support we will be fine. I have learned to tune out some of the naysayers. They will say don’t let them take nothing out. Meanwhile I can’t count on them to watch my kids when I am somewhere bleeding out. I can’t slide them a bill when I am off of work and missing time off. I can’t count on them to pick up a phone call to say how is it going. You see that was a free nugget right? I refuse to give folks who show you they are more concerned with their bottom line than mine make my health decisions. Got to keep pushing towards what will work for me and the ones that have to live through all of this.
So with that in mind you may see an increase in blogs. I will have more down time. Whenever I have downtime, I write and I read so be on the look out. I plan to blog the hell out of this situation. Not to get sympathy. I am one strong cookie. But to raise awareness. My heart goes out to the women who are medically forced to make this decision and desire to have children and can’t. I have 3 kids and already put in place the parimeters not to have more already. There is no child birth loss for me. So for the ladies with this loss, it is a loss. I researched this and I find comfort in reading other blogs of women who have gone through this. And with life we are all connected. Keep me in prayer and stay logged on twitter (toitiemblog) and facebook ( https://www.facebook.com/toitimeladies/) as I will update.
- Kathy Griffin out here with a replica of Donald Trump being beheaded and it has set off this major storm on insensitivity. I think for me and this is where MY opinion comes off. It was a bit much. However if the same ones were upset when the nooses was being shown with imagery of Obama was shown and not because he is Black alone but on the principle of right and wrong than okay. If not than you just being extra. What people don’t get is that your argument is more valid when it’s based on principle. Meaning you would extend the same sympathy to another like you want it done for your favorite than you have merit.
- Ireland will have its first openly gay prime minister after Leo Varadkar was elected into the office.
- Withdraw of Paris climate agreement.
- Continuation of the Russian influence of the election. Continue to stand by for breaking news of this ongoing legal battle.
So I pray you all enjoy your weekend. There are some good movies. I saw Wonder Woman and as I thought without giving things away, I walked away feeling great about being a woman. I may see it again if you’re looking for a quick should you go or not-there you go. I am taking the kids to see Captain Underpants tonight. Summer movies are really heating up. I plan on some me time and I have to work. So find an activity that you enjoy and make yourself feel like the beautiful gem that you are.
Happy Friday to you all! Who is ready for the weekend? I surely am. Let me just make a world-wide declaration to my beautiful daughter, Naila-happy 8th birthday. My daughter and I am rightfully biased is one of the sweetest, amazing little girls to date. She loves everyone and is such a jewel to be around. We plan to celebrate her all weekend long. I pray continued love, strength and peace to her life always.
It’s also Memorial Day weekend. So this means that there are going to be a few activities that will be taking place in a city near you. If you live in or around Philadelphia there are a lot of FREE events taking place. We ALL can afford free right? The point is to get out and enjoy yourself. Don’t go back to work on Tuesday with the boring didn’t do anything unless that is what you wanted to actually do-NOTHING. Rest, relax, organize, plan for the rest of the Summer time. Memorial Day is the unofficial start to Summer so get out and get busy.
This has been a really interesting week for me. I am still coming down on my weight. I am about to shift from just losing weight to maintaining for the month of June. I am looking to get to my goal so I can purchase this Boho style swimsuit. I haven’t bought a swimsuit in 5 years. Also I was in a lot of control when it came to dealing with the things that life through just this week. I almost had a little mental break down but some encouragement came and helped me along the way. I had such an amazing time with my husband this past weekend and some much-needed me time as well.
- Prayers to those in Manchester. A bomber decided to bomb the Ariana Grande concert that was being attended by mostly teenager and young children. My heart goes out to those who lost their lives as well as those injured from the deadly blast. I can’t understand why there is so much evil in this world but there is.
- Trump’s administration is supposedly under the microscope. Even with getting into all of the politics of it all I do believe that Trump believes that he has the power to do as he pleases. I do not believe he under the concepts of checks or balances. So we shall keep watching to see what comes of all of this.
- Greg Gianfonte is out here body slamming reporters-allegedly. It’s sad when offices used to be respected therefore they carried themselves to a higher standard. Pretty soon they going to be pulling even more stunts but what do I know.
- Chris Cornell died of an apparent suicide. His wife is saying medication he was on is what led to his death and he would have not killed himself otherwise. I pray peace during this difficult time.
- I spoke last week about awaiting for test results well I got them back. It doesn’t look good. I have to be seen this week for some blood related issues and so when I have a treatment plan in place than I will blog openly about what is going on. I have no problems sharing anything in my life and especially about health due to the fact there is always going to be someonelse who will go through it too. I will inform you all of any changes especially any changes that distributes the blog. If you aren’t already following me on Facebook please do as many of the changes will be announced there, https://www.facebook.com/toitimeladies/
- Ask Toi-about family or friends who come over uninvited and especially as parents who have small kids and have a sitter. It’s always good to call first. You don’t know what is going on with people and it shows a respect for other people’s time. If you come over unannounced than don’t expect to have access to someone’s home no matter how close you are if who you are visiting has a sitter. If that sitter isn’t aware of you stopping by its going to be a closed-door that greets you.
- Ask Toi-taking a sex break while married. You have a right and a choice to engage or disengage but I would suggest that you work out the issue that is causing you to want to take a sex break than to go to you mate and not have a clear definition of what that means. Do NOT expect your mate to be okay with it but you have the right to your body and to be vocal in what your intentions are.
- Annoying co-workers anyone? Yes we ALL have them. Simple things to keep in mind as you go through the work day.
- Mirage screens-we put too much stock in what others are doing, what they are portraying, what they show us, etc. Worry more on your own life and less on celebrities or couples or individuals you admire.
As we end this week and dive into the long weekend a few reminders:
- Sunscreen should be worn all year round not just in the Summer months. However since pools and beaches will be swarmed this weekend and beyond, don’t forget it. I use a SPF in my makeup as well.
- Keep your kids close. Do NOT get comfortable and get caught up in celebrating that you forget about them. There are sick people everywhere and the last thing you need is a child to be unaccounted for.
- Drink but be safe. I like a beverage or two but if you think DUI check points aren’t real you are sadly mistaken. Be careful. If you are tipsy call a Uber, etc.
- Violence unfortunately especially in some cities that are already plagued with violence more will break out. Watch the company you keep and be vigilant in having peaceful get togethers. If you are having a fault with someone and can’t be mature than don’t even attempt to resolve it at that time. I pray that all innocent bystanders will be protected as well. You can be at the right place at the wrong time, do nothing and still end up hurt or dead. Prayers to all my ToiTime readers and followers.
Continue reading “Weekly Recap: May 26, 2017”
People, good people, good morning. Listen let’s have a serious talk about what appears to be and what is. We ALL have put out into the atmosphere our very best self. We post the best pics out of the 100 we took. We use filters because let’s face it they are pretty. However there is one thing that we all need to be reminded. Everything that glitters isn’t gold. This isn’t the first time we have heard it but let’s talk about it some more.
We get caught up in the ideas about of what people put out. Some people post about solid marriages and have the most flakiest ones. Being real is about being loud and yelling instead of just being honest and transparent. Just because you yell you keeping it real doesn’t mean you are. That’s a free nugget of wisdom for someone. People struggle. Relationships and marriages struggle. People don’t air out their dirty laundry or rather they shouldn’t. We base our lives off of others and do less work on our own. If you see a woman get flowers, you go home and complain you aren’t getting them. However you haven’t expressed you wanted them before. You don’t go and get them yourself because you enjoy them. You are waiting, hoping that the man you are with will finally take this initiative and do and missing out on the love you really do and can give yourself. You realize that if that love won’t measure up and you practice self-love, nature will separate you from what you don’t need to be with. Again another freebie for you.
Please learn to take some stock in YOUR life. I give great advice but I try to eat and nibble on it before I give it. I hold myself accountable. For instance let me give you some realness. I was having the worst anxiety attack. I didn’t want to go to an event because I knew some of the people there I don’t vibe with. I had to be reminded that its more than talk, I will NEVER vibe well with them. I can’t live with brakes on. SO I got dressed and made it happen. I wanted to be in my defeated world and just go to bed. I ended up having an amazing time. The point is simple, it’s about getting past the hiccups with action and not just lip service.
We have to get past our favorites smoke screens. I love LL Cool J and Morris Chestnut and both are married. Like my marriage there are days even with all of their fineness that their wives are ready to trip them because of something they did or didn’t do. No different from my own marriage. I have friends who I look up to but when they close their doors they have things they are working out in their lives. So you have to understand that and learn to live life on your own terms. A lot of people selling this message of love your spouse, or job or life to the fullest don’t always mean they receive it or live it everyday. Be careful who you put your highest stock on. Everyone on your pedalstool will disappoint you if you don’t keep things into perspective. No different from when the report of America’s sweetheart Jesse Williams called it quits with his wife. Everyone like lawd if they can’t make it what we gon do? You gon get over it and make your marriage work. You need to use the information to make yours solid. Love harder, listen more, don’t take things for granted, etc That’s what you do instead of attributing everything good and going into doom and gloom when it doesn’t add up.
Live your OWN best life!!
Happy National Pizza Party day. Who doesn’t love pizza? Okay not a real way to open up the blog by hey it’s Friday and I am in uber good mood today. For all of those who will have a slice have fun! I have eaten enough of my points in other delectable things for the week that I need to chill until date night tomorrow night. So how was your week? Mine was pretty good so let’s dive in.
So this has been a good week. Let me shout out my kids this week. They are ending the school year on some awesome high notes. My daughter-the oldest has a birthday coming up. My son is going to kindergarten next year and has a moving up graduation soon. My youngest is doing well and has adopted a new imaginary friend aka her bunny. This has been an awesome week for the Storr kids. That makes me and my husband super awesome. Another good thing this week has been that I have gotten the most sleep in a long time. Now with that we will talk about my lows but that’s at least a plus this week. I am still losing the weight and I am super excited. I have another goal and that is a cute little Boho bathing suit I have been eyeing for the Summer. Oh and Summer is coming so insert the biggest happy face ever. I love heat! I have some awesome plans this weekend along with some scheduled me time so I can’t wait to get me together like I always do-no excuses. Have a wonderful weekend and do one thing that will renew your mind. Sometimes that means cleaning a few things out in preparation for what is to come.
Here is a short list of renewal things (I get asked this in emails often)
- Clean up your space-this is very renewing. Clutter will get the best of you.
- Go to a park-being outside is very comforting.
- Magazine time-you need to be able to take some time out to enjoy a few favorites.
- Visit a coffee shop
- Church or mediation
- Go to a farmers market
- Sleep-rest is a beautiful thing. I am super busy but taking an extra hour does amazing things
- Shopping for some is super renewing
- Organize-doing things to help your week saves time and energy. I meal prep, breakfast prep like making sandwiches I can freeze and grab, making smoothie bags for the week all ensure that the excuse of “don’t have time” is gone. How else would I get through the week with 3 small kids at 3 different schools?
- Kingston Frazier, 6 years old was killed when his mother went into a grocery store and left him in a car unattended with the keys. A group of men later identified as teenagers took the car with the boy in it and hours later he was found dead with a shot-gun wound. My heart has been hurting and my head too over the senseless deaths of our children this week. Please keep this family in prayer.
- Following up from the previous death is the death of Gabriel Taye who died of an apparent suicide after he had been bullied and knocked out the day before after hitting his head on a wall by another boy in his class. His mother was not informed of what happened and 2 days later he was found in his bedroom from a suicide.
- Here in Philly a 10-year-old boy had been bullied and came home and told his mom he had the worst day of his life. She gave him space and then when she went to check on him he had died of an apparent suicide. I know there are a lot of other news stories but these are important this week. We have kids’ life being taken for no reason. Please parent be vigilant with your kids. Please make sure that you talk with your children. We need to listen and support our children. Do NOT leave them in the car. Although the actions of the mother who left Kingston in the car were bad, the real enemy was the boys that took his life. May all of these beautiful boys always be remembered and let’s have less of them. I will do a separate blog about all of them soon.
- Trump and the Russian ties is heating up. So be on the look out if you already aren’t now.
- The dirty mirror-this had a lot to do with my personal journey that I am taking in my life to love me more and how that is affecting and could potentially affect the state of my marriage. These changes have so far made us strong but for others who find themselves in this change it can make them second guess everything.
- I got you ma-this is the season that men start the cat calling more. Summer lovin is finally on its way. For the single and ready to mingle this could be good. Just don’t lose your mind and think that all men are on the up an up because they are not. Some will promise the world just to bed you. Never lose focus. If you only want sex, protect yourself, but if you want more, be vigilant and ask questions. Men will tell you what you ASK. So ask the right ones.
- TBT: we threw it back to when putting it all on the table too soon may be considered an issue. Don’t be the only one throwing it out there. Ask. If you’re dating its your season to enjoy someone’s company as well as it is to collect information.
So I went to the doctors a few weeks ago and got a clean bill of health. So she asked me to get blood work done. I didn’t do it. So now the migraines that had subsided since I started eating better and losing weight have come back. So today I didn’t hesitate to get the blood work done this morning. So that is the push for all of my ToiTime to take care of themselves. So it’s your job to be vigilant about what you need. You can’t take care of anyone if you don’t take care of you first. I have to wait until Monday to get the results and I am pretty sure I know what they will say. I will keep you posted. I do not think I am in immediate danger. I do believe vitamins etc. will have to be readjusted. Other than that whatever has been going on makes me super exhausted. I am anemic but that was improving. So say a little prayer that all will be well and continue that way.
Well I am hoping that your week has been a good one. Mine has been and is expected to get much better. This is my birthday weekend trip with the girls. I am super excited. My last time traveling them was in 2013 maybe to Miami and before then in 2008 Miami again. I love Miami if you can’t tell. However this time we switching things up and being grown in the city of Chicago. It’s important for me as a woman to keep my connections as tight as possible. On this journey to keep myself rounded means I can not only tap into my domesticated titles aka mommy and wife. I am first Toi and Toi needs to be happy and whole to be the best in those titles. I have some new blogs coming out about how we ladies have to be strong and confident even when things and others attempt to pull on our insecurity. Insecurity creeps in all of us, men too. The best thing is when you can look into the mirror and smile at the creation that God made you and be happy in your skin. I know it seems I am on all this self-improvement but if you don’t have self-love what do you have? I had to have an ugly cry this week. It was super cleansing but like momma always say cry on your own time don’t let these folks see you sweat.
- Trump care or F the Obama care as I have seen it described is on its way to be reversed. Trump’s full agenda isn’t fully clear but the basis is if you are poor or old, you better not get sick or be screwed. Nothing about healthcare under Trump will appease women either. I am super glad I am not pregnant right now. My anxiety would be that much more in a spiral. My suggestion is to start with your local government. Be vigilant to get the facts and stay away from the foolishness which will be super hard given leadership is almost dipped in it.
- Basketball for women is now allowing for hijab. This is a great thing. I think that in this melting pot of a world we need to allow those who to express their religious and culturally difference. So this is a step in the right direction.
- Flying which I am doing right now are having issues lately. It started with United Airlines and now Delta is getting into the action. A family was kicked off a flight with kids after a mix up about seating. I think the airlines are about to have a major overhaul with how they treat customers. It’s about time. Wouldn’t you want to keep everyone safe and happy to keep the coins coming in? No?!
- Trayvon Martin will receive a posthumous degree in aeronautical science from Florida Memorial University. It would be even better if Martin was here to pursue and earn his own degree but his life was cut short after he was shot and killed in 2012 by George Zimmerman. We still hurt over the degree by which black men are devalued.
- Last but certainly not least, 15-year-old Jordan Edwards was shot and killed by police as he was leaving a party. It is speculated that he and the occupants of the vehicle including his brother was shot at while leaving the scene. No it is not being said that they were causing a disturbance, they were just black and an over zealous cop shot and killed him. Now I can’t imagine knowing my brother is in the car bleeding to death as I am hand cuffed and being questioned. My hurt goes out to Edwards family and all families in these situations. I am not anti cops I have cops in my own family, but I am anti racist cops who are out here innocent people.
I am 2 more pounds down and 5 to goal. Yay! I can’t tell you how excited I am for this goal. I have worked hard, ate right, worked out tired and exhausted but I am super close. Also this week my daughter is killing it in school. I am super happy when my kids do what they need to do. We teach them nothing in life is free. It takes hard work. She also will be having her first communion. I am proud of her choice to step up and apply what she wants in her life. Can’t be mad at a child that actively tries to apply herself?! Way to go Naila!! Oh did I mention that we both have birthdays coming up. May is a good month for the Storr women!!!!
- Protect your babies-the amount of cruel and deadly force being used on kids is heart breaking. A lot of it comes from non parental aka boyfriends and side pieces that we as women leave them with cause we just “love him.” You better make sure he love them babies just as much as you do and don’t leave them with these men so freely giving them access to harm your babies.
This has been a crazy week. I have done some over time and the exhaustion has been unbelievable. However I have slept a little better than last week. This week has been about controlling my negative thoughts. I am one of those thinkers so when something has been said I have to admit my get back is quite strong. I will begin to think of ways to get cha. However because I am more mindful of it I have tried to combat it with positive thoughts and know that people will usually get theirs.
Also I will blog about an argument I had this week. It wasn’t a full argument but as I never want to put my business out there are a few things that women need to get from it and that and that alone I will talk about. Everything is about learning and growing.
Well again I will most likely blog a little less this weekend as my girls and I will have the time of our lives. But next week I will be releasing some new and old mom blogs in honor of Mother’s Day. If you still want to participate in the Mother’s Day blog for next week please email me at toitimeblog@gmail,com
Emotional stress is one of the stressors that attaches itself to one of the other stresses we discussed. If your mind is all over the place, allowing you to think about all kinds of thing it will affect your emotions and can cause physical stress. You can’t really be mentally or physically stressed and it doesn’t mess with your emotions. They are sidekicks to yourself.
However you can calm your emotions to began to handle things and alleviate the other stresses. One of the reasons is that out of your mouth your heart speaks. What you talk about, give life to shows where you are. When you say you are over something and you think you are but keep talking about it still has you. When you aren’t phased by something is when you let things go. So how do you handle emotional stress? Getting to the root of what is tugging at your heart. If you are hurt you tend to hurt others in your words, deeds, etc. Lashing out sometimes only reveals what is really going on. However don’t expect the world to give you a pass just because something is bothering you. Everyone around is having a hard time and only really mature people even take the time to weed out your mess and want to assist you. Others will tell you that they are here for you but aren’t. These types of heart issues have to come from you doing some work on the inside out.
I have said it before sometimes writing things down or even saying it gets it out. Once out you can own it and then find ways to fix it. Not everything can be fixed. There will be tines when apologies will never come from the very ones who are fully aware that they did you wrong. There are so many people in the grave who have power on those of us who are living because we won’t forgive. And although some take it as cliché, forgiveness is really for you. It frees you. It makes you whole. You can be whole without someone apologizing to you when you learn to drop the charges against them. It doesn’t mean that they deserve it. It doesn’t mean you will forget about it. It just means you don’t need to carry the weight of what others have done. Let’s be honest, people are rude People are inconsiderate and people say and do mean things. You don’t have to like it but nothing that someone else has done should make you not live the best life that you can. It’s like being miserable while the others around you continue their life. This happens all the time. It’s hard to forgive and move on but its worth your peace to do it.
Take some time not to mask what you feel but to deal with it. You may not be able to get closure but you can close the books to your heart and move to a positive place in your life.