Daily Women Crushers

As we continue to celebrate women’s history month, I want to shout out all women who are crushing their dreams.  Wednesdays are designated as #WCW or women crush Wednesday.  However daily women are failing, dusting themselves off and getting back out there and making it all happen.

Single women who are lonely and longing for relationship and finding ways to enjoy their single days and taking trips, starting businesses, becoming sound individuals without someone in their company. Those are daily women crushers.  They want to be with someone but aren’t allowing the lack thereof to stop them.  Until love finds them, they are out here making life happen for them under their own guidance, salute.

To the married woman who gives daily to her husband and attempting to be united, you are a daily woman crusher.  People think that marriage is a cure-all but it’s not.  It’s hard work to put someone else above your own.  It’s a union that actually makes you confront a lot of who you are or who you think you are.  Marriage is being there for someone and trying to keep the spark going regardless if that woman is tired or not, salute.  FYI the same should be done from her husband towards her.  If you find you are in a one way marriage, there are a few talks you and your husband need to have.

To the mother who is tired and feeling overwhelmed and still continues to get up before her house, getting things in order, and making it look effortless, you are a daily woman crusher.  To the days when those around you takes you for granted, and forget to say sorry or appreciate what you done, salute to you.  Salute to you when you lose yourself and literally have to pick yourself up before you can give again, salute to you.  Salute to you as you endure your body going through hell and back to deliver, salute to you.  Salute to you as you almost sometimes die on those tables waiting to hear that first cry, salute to you.  Salute to the women who have lost life many times and feel like their worth is tied to being a mother and can’t.  We salute you.  Just know that is a real pain. A real fear.  A real cry.  A real emptiness and I stand behind you and with you.

To the business woman who has to have her work checked twice just because she doesn’t have the same “member” as those on her team, salute to you.  Salute to the woman who is making moves after she was denied financing, salute to you.  Salute to the woman whose ideas failed many times before it took off, salute.  Salute to the woman who while accomplishing her goals, had the very folks who now want to stand with her after the fact and those same ones laughed, talked about, and ridiculed for that venture to pop, salute!

To the woman who has or is facing many demons and finding herself alone as she pushes towards getting her life together.  The ones that seem and feel like constant failures while others around her is flourishing.  The ones who say why not me too but they seem to be saying this only to themselves and there is no one around who understands you.  We salute you.  We get it.  We understand because as a woman regardless of what we have all accomplished we have all been public goals and secret failures.  Trust the process, understand that it will work out. Even in the dark, there will be light.  At the second you go to fail, you find a solution. At the moment you decide today is the day you will give up, light shines.  You are purpose and you were created for purpose.  The world has something that you have inside of you.  We salute the process of growing in the dark with limited water and resources.  The best flowers sometimes have thorns but are the prettiest in the end.  Don’t give up!


Women’s Month, Year of the Woman: Erica M!

This Year the theme is the Year of the Woman.  This is not a theme that I made up but is the theme of Woman’s Month all around the world.  We have celebrity women who are speaking up and this is so awesome to have.  Now I feel like I need to give the voice of the everyday woman.  The single mother trying to make ends meet, the married woman trying to balance it all, the career woman trying to make it up the ladder without having to drop her panties along the way, and all of the women in between. Women are beautiful and strong beings.  Like Beyoncé says, we have the kids and get back to business.  Women can do it all, have it all, and this year and beyond are looking out for the next generation so our daughters and granddaughters don’t have to say #METOO!
In addition to that we have to showcase regular women because we have a voice and power too.  We are women who have been married, some divorce, some single, some moms who are all making their marks in this world.  They are giving back to their communities, keeping families together, raising families with and sometimes on their own, completing college, making their and other people around them better.
Erica M.is the oldest of 3 siblings, a single mom of two daughters ages 16 and 13, raising their 19-year-old sister which she considers her my own (oh yes the headaches :).  She currently works for a financial institution going on 23 years and attends college a few months shy of earning her bachelor’s degree in Business Administration with a concentration in hospitality. Erica is a social bean and loves to spend time with family, friends and herself. Yes she enjoys time with herself including scheduling days off to do some of the things she enjoys.
Some times as we get wiser we often think back on the times of our younger days.  We wonder what lessons could we go back and tell our younger selves.  I asked Erica what her lesson would be to a young Erica back in her day:
I would tell my younger self not to rush through life, marriage and family. All these things will come in perfect timing. Enjoy your childhood go play in the park instead of worrying why your parents are fighting. Enjoy being a teenager and do teenager things like hang out with your friends, focus in school and don’t worry about adult things and in your young adult years explore and venture out don’t worry about putting your life on hold for others. 
Being a mom myself I often ask myself during times when I am with them what lessons I want them to get.  My daughters are young so of course I try to keep it in perspective but I asked Erica what she wanted her daughters to know in life, love and career.
Life – It flies by very quickly and has many stages so take hold of the present and worry about tomorrow when it gets here.
Love – Don’t rush, force or look for it because it can lead to failure. Love is natural and will happen when you least expect it. 
Career – Let your heart and passion lead you to career of choice not money. Go hard to be the best in that field regardless of what it is.  
So what has Erica accomplished so far:
  • Purchased her home at the age of 19
  • When back to school during a separation with my then husband
  • Bouncing back from having to file for bankruptcy
  • Having the means to support my daughters alone
  • Working for the same company for 23 years and I am only 40 years old
  • Instilling in my daughters the meaning of faith
  • Working my way up to a Co-lead for a team at church
  • Stayed focused on my weight loss. About a little over a year ago I was a size 24 (extremely tight) and now I am wearing a 18 -20.
First of all congrats on all of your accomplishments Erica! Let me just add from this list, there was failure. You have had to made bad credit decisions to have to file for bankruptcy but…..she now owns a home.  She now can financially support her girls on her own. Did you catch that?  Sometimes we fail but if we KEEP on going, we will come out of top.  So if you are a woman who is struggling with any failed relationship, bad credit or anything that you DEEM negative, the only way it stays that way is if you allow it.  Kudos to you Erica!!
 Even with all of the great accomplishments that Erica has already done, I wanted to know where she sees herself in 5 years:
This is always a difficult question to answer because our vision changes over time but as of right now. I want to see myself in 5 years living for me and not others, in a position of choice with work and not must, and enjoying life with my girls, family, friends and maybe with a new-found love.
Now the #METOO movement is something that didn’t start on the internet.  It started from women getting tired of being sexually abused, harassed or assaulted.  The Internet made it easier for women to band together.  Women have been seen as accessories in times past.  This is why often times they are not believed or if they are to be believed they are seen as the one who agitated their aggressor.  I do NOT want myself or other women and God help me, my daughters to have to say METOO!
I asked Erica what the #METOO movement meant to her:
 The Me Too movement is a great organization that helps those that were or are being sexually assault or harassed. They provide support, ways to speak up and remind you that you are not alone. Finally and hopefully people can start feeling more comfortable in speaking up because they are not alone. I plan on using this movement to reassure my daughters that if they are ever made to feel uncomfortable to please speak up. It is not their fault of someone else’s actions.  
Finally I wanted to know about what the future holds for Erica:
Things that are on my heart that I look forward to crushing is
  • Continue losing weight and getting fit for myself. There are things that I want to do but have weight restrictions. I don’t want to be restricted of nothing I want to do.
  • Work on my bucket list which would lead to enjoying my life
  • Be in a position in my career were there is still passion and have it not be just work
  • Utilizing my event planning skills to plan family trips as family time is so important to me
 Anyone who has been reading my blogs knows I am a huge pusher of self-care.  I want everyone especially my ladies to work from a full cup instead of this notion that they must work until there’s no working in them left.  To keep giving from empty cups and stop caring of what others think about them taking time for themselves.  So Erica, what do you do for self-care:
  • I read a lot of inspirational books such as a Woman’s daily prayer, Too blessed to be stressed, and a moment for your soul. There are many days that I feel down and out, wondering why me, or when will my prince charming come. These books remind me of my purpose now and to remain focus on today.
  • I have a journal that I am writing to my future self. In the book I write things that I want to do but afraid to do, mistakes I did today that may affect tomorrow or areas that I want to change that will benefit the future me, Honestly it helps me stay focus on doing things for me today because I don’t want to let down the future me.
  • I try to exercise daily and make conscious decisions when eating because the more weight I lose the more I feel good about myself.

Thank you to Erica for pushing through when life knocked you down many times, raising your daughters with respect and love, and making sure that while you are there for others that you keep yourself your priority.  Good luck on your continued blessed journey!



Women’s Month Preview

I enjoy women’s month! It’s one of the biggest traffic months. A lot of people have asked me why do I do the posts for the full month?! Simple, why not give a regular women a month to shine? March is women’s history month and women are changing history on all fronts all the time. These are women who might not have shared their story openly before and are ready to let you know that they survived the very things that was designed to take them out!

Think about it in this light, women need to know that as much division that is created among us, we are all connected. Think about a topic that women alone goes through. Bring that topic up and women who don’t know each other can relate and will openly share. This is why we need to tell our stories more often. We need to talk about the times we succeeded and the times we failed. We need to highlight our strengths as well as our weaknesses. There is a woman somewhere struggling alone when she doesn’t have to. She is somewhere feeling defeated because she doesn’t think what she has done, gotten herself into, or is nervous about, some other woman has been in those trenches, but we have been there and made it out in one way or another.

Ladies it’s our day everyday. It’s our month every month. It’s our year every year but when we get to shine a little brighter, then shine! As a woman I am proud of those who have come before me. I am proud that we as women have failed along the way but still keep on going regardless of what has been thrown our way. I’m proud that women are learning how to embrace what they have and not make excuses or try to water it down. We are owning our place in this world, choosing the life we want, being sexually aware and unashamed and most importantly stepping away from the status quo to achieve any goal we want!

We are scooping up the younger generation and showing by example how it’s done. We are not restricting ourselves to make men feel comfortable. We are walking in lanes that were not always paved for us. We are learning to practice self-care and saying no when we need to. We don’t have to carry it all! We can take breaks! We can travel this world alone! We can work across the aisles! We can make our dreams come true!

I salute all women from every walk in life. From the women who feels as if her past has knocked her out of the running to the women who made every right decision and are benefiting from it! To the college graduate who is the first in her family to the drug addicted mother who cleaned her life up! I salute you all!!

Get ready for some amazing women with some amazing stories to share. Thank you for being brave enough to be vulnerable. It takes a lot to put yourself out there! It takes a lot to know that when you put your story out there knowing there will be some folks who think you aren’t worthy! This blog was made from those whispers and guess what just like you I haven’t stopped! Let’s have some fun, learn some lessons and get inspired to live our best life NOW!

We’re going to hear from business women, community leaders, wives whose husband have left them and they picked up and kept on building, single moms, college graduates, those working with offenders, all kinds of women.  So be on the lookout the month-long celebration will kick off tomorrow and end March 31, 2018!

Wellness Tuesday Check In

So I wanted to do a quick check in with everyone. I don’t know about you but I do know that the happiness I felt in the morning is starting to dwindle.  I still have joy but the tiredness from the day before and the fact that I am weaning my body off of caffeine for the last few weeks is starting to catch up to me. Say a prayer for me.  I have not had caffeine for about 3 weeks!

Normally when I feel like this I get rejuvenated by the fact that I know my workout is coming around noon but today I am making it my rest day.  Well I’m not my trainer is making it my rest day.  It feels weird not being active and I find that I try to substitute other things when I am not working out.  Nothing bad but little things.  So to relax and veg out makes me feel like I am going to possibly be more tired than I am now.

So with all of these thoughts and a little anxiety that I am feeling I thought I would share that.  I talked to several friends and they are already over today.  I am not alone, you are not alone.  The key will be in pushing through and channeling my thoughts. So please don’t take this as a complaint blog because its’ not. It’s about recognizing where I am and being okay with it until this feeling transitions. It’s okay to be uneasy.  It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to feel blah but until an answer that is on your heart or mind comes, it’s also okay to keep moving forward and past how you feel!

Until this passes, keep pushing! Make the best of your Tuesday!

A Sister Roundup-Don’t Fall Off

Good morning all!

We should at this point have gotten our Valentine’s Day our of our systems and continue on showing love to the ones in our lives daily.  If you didn’t have the Valentine’s Day you wanted I get it, at this point, refocus from this one day and find ways to use self-care to get through.  You still have other days ahead that are going to need your attention.and dwelling on that one day past the 24 hours that followed means that you are allowing this to overtake you.

I wanted to do something different today to have a check in of sorts but instead of highlighting my highs and lows, let’s just talk about various aspects of our mental health.  One this has NOTHING to do with the allegations of mental abuse with the recent school shooting.  As much as I know mental disease played a part in it, I am one for calling a spade a spade and say that premeditated homicide is a different type of beast.  That is a blog for a different day.  However I send prayer and love to the community of Parkland and pray that with prayers, we have an action plan in place and sooner than later.  I am one for prayer but faith without works is dead, we need action.

Love Life

All of us regardless of where we are need to heal and have some closures in a few places.  Let me be clear that this has NOTHING to do with your tax status. A hurting heart will not heal from a wedding ring.  I know we have been conditioned to believe that marriage is the answer to love woes but it’s actually not. Marriage is like having a constant mirror walking around.  A lot of wounds that you haven’t dealt with will come up during marriage.  So if you are looking for marriage to complete you, this is misguided thinking.   It will not.  It will make you face yourself.  The issue with having someone to face yourself is that not all marriages are strong enough for the depth of junk that people bring into them. So I would suggest that you work on the things that you need before.

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Also there are some folks that would rather be single.  There is nothing wrong with that.  That’s not different then the folks that don’t want to be parents.  Your life, your choice.  Just be sure that wherever you want love not to go down the wrong path.  If you constantly see a pattern in whom you are choosing, don’t blame the people you dated, take accountability.  Remember self-care and self-love go hand in hand in your love journey it’s not something to attempt to do after you have entangled someone with you.  Also have a plan or list that you have in the back of your mind but make the non negotiable things that deal with character above physical in your mind especially if you are dating and looking.  I know women who have these laundry lists of their wants and needs and they are superficial to say the least.  Often times they don’t take character into play.  If you have a good-looking liar, you aren’t winning.  However you should be attracted to the person you are with.  So balance it!

Friendships/Sister Friends

I am in the process of weeding out a few bad apples. I find myself doing this often.  As I take accountability for my own actions one of the actions is my actions for friendships. It doesn’t matter how long I have been friends with them either.  Zero passes need to be given.  Since I have gotten older, my desires have changed.  With that some friendships were great for the phase of life I WAS in but not for where I am now nor for where I am headed.  With that in mind let’s cut away the leech friends.  The ones who have zero problems taking but do not ever give.  It’s not cool and as everyone is working on themselves the excuses has to stop.  You can have a million and one excuses but if you are out here being a bad friend, own it  and decide do you really want to change?  If yes then do so if not then be honest and let the friendship fizzle out.  Also friends shouldn’t get so comfortable that you take friendship for granted.  This means thank you, and please go a long way.  I think above all we have to remember that when we deal with others in general.  You’re not so much of my sis that you can forget that.

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We want to be connected but having bad connections is bad for your life in general.  Oh and be extremely leery of these friendship circles.  I was invited to one that I accepted because I know they are about building up.  But I declined one because it was really about selling stuff.  Listen, sis I love to shop but I am also on team savings too.  I want to help you build your brand but you can’t fill my inbox with let’s make money quick schemes and have me stay.  Not one time was it about praying, lifting another one up, or even about making sure everyone felt loved and secure.  I pass on these types all the time. This was one of the major pushes for cleaning up my social media.  I had way too many groups talking about helping that turned into everyone thinking they knew everything, let’s talk crap about another sister, or finding out the tea in someone’s life.  I got a healthy life, so I don’t have much time for the foolishness. I spend more time with solid relationships, my family, going to church, self-care and the gym that’s plenty for me.


What have you done this week for you?  Literally I found that I was super agitated more this week wondering if and why someone else hadn’t poured into me.  Totally selfish of me but it happened. One thing to note is never do anything for anyone and look for something in return.  The second thing that it showed me is that I lacked something that is within myself and I sought after that instead of wasting time being upset at someone else.  I have what I need inside of me. Do not tax others to do for you what you wont do for you.  It’s that simple.  Self care comes from various sources from free to lavish. You find where you can and what you can and you do it.  You really should be finding something you can do for you daily not just weekly.  If you have gotten to this Friday and can’t name one thing you did for yourself that made you better, than you have some catching up to do.  Ladies and gentlemen, self-care is not an option its a must.


I can not stress enough getting ALL of your tests done.  Have you made an eye appt?  What about a gynecological exam?  No physical?  No follow-ups done either?  What in the real world are you waiting for?  You do realize that putting it off will not make anything go away?  Be vigilant about your health and what you want.  Be vigilant in making sure that you will be here in the future.  Go and be seen.  There is no reason to have something sneak up on you when we have the technology to do something about it.We need to make sure that our health is fully taken care of. How active are you?  How many hours a week are you putting into an active lifestyle?  Have you substituted the stairs for the elevators, maybe do a work out tape or a free YouTube exercise instead of constantly sitting in front of the television?  Maybe substituted a bad snack for a better healthier option?  Whatever you are not doing, let’s change that.  Let’s get up and move a bit.  Sitting is the new smoking so let’s end these bad habits and do it now.

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This has been an interesting week to say the least and remember it’s February so all the hoopla from the New Year’s wears off this month.  Don’t let the momentum stop you.  Renew your mindset and refocus on your goals.  Don’t let this super short month get you.  I know even with the flu it was hard to recommit but I did it and so can you.  Bad habits only last as long as you want them.  Good habits can do the same.  Make yourself a priority.

So I am hoping that with everything that is going on personally and professionally that you find a way to recommit to having the best life you can. No things aren’t perfect but you can have a better life if you make the right choices.  Sometimes those choices mean that you may need to say no, turn a few things off, say no to a few invitations and maybe even cut off a few along the way, but whatever it is that you need to do, do it and do it well!


Self Date, Table for one, Self-Love Moments

It’s easy for me at this stage of my life to do things on my own because I am married and I have kids. A lot of people want that life but the thought of going out alone is one that many people struggle with everyday. However there are many married folks that can’t seem to leave the shadows of their mate and won’t go anywhere without their significant other. Listen let me keep it real, when you have 3 kids having a sitter all the time isn’t always manageable. Missing out on events happens. My husband and I have pushed to create time out for both of us to pursue our own lives together and more often apart.

It’s nothing now after many failed years of complaining about what I didn’t have, to go out. This type of courage wasn’t something birthed over night. I sit back and wonder at times about if I had this same courage during my single years how much more effective my single years would have been. When I was in my 20s I had a lot of friends and family that I hung out with so I was never alone. However the thought of going out, taking solo vacations, and dining alone was like a curse. So shout out to my single readers who experience this all the time. I didn’t want to go to a wedding alone, dinner alone, movies alone, etc. My self worth was entangled in having myself on someone’s arm.

So now I’m married with responsibilities and I crave a balance in all areas of my life including my alone time. I have purposely live my life like an open book in front of my kids to let them understand the strength in being a strong table of one. They ask why are you going alone? Just ask Dad. My husband is my biggest cheerleader. There isn’t anything that I do where he’s not silently or opening cheering me but not everything is about him or for him. I openly tell my daughters and son the same message my mom entrusted in me in that there could be a time where I am alone. I have to be okay in my own skin and get out and enjoy this beautiful world. The excuses, the anxiety will just have to come along until they fall off. I refuse to not do something because of lack of partnership. In 2017 I stepped out shaking at times, alone. Overall it has made me a better person.

Here are some of the lessons I learned:

1. Scared I’m still fearless- a few events I attended alone I was a nervous wreck but I survived

2. I met awesome people. I would have possibly hid behind my husband not because that’s my place because it’s not but because hiding seemed safe.

3. I’m a better person when I have my own life, my own experiences, and my own time. Every time I come back from a place or spot or event I’m more motivated then when I left

4. I haven’t loss “it”- I still can command a room alone as I do when I’m with a person. Confidence is sexy

5. My moods get lifted. I’ve found some amazing things this past year and I find that I’m happier inside and out

So intentionally the very things that I was afraid to do I now do. So yes you can find me enjoying a cocktail and dinner alone and smiling. I make sure to put my phone away too to take the edge off. I think being on your cell during dinner sets the wrong internal message and takes the sting of being alone with the replacement of the cell.

I also take my yearly beach trip. It’s easy to hide at the beach alone. Make sure to pack all of the essentials. I go to the movies alone. Do you know how beautiful it is to reach into a bag of popcorn without 4 sets of hand teaching back?! The WILL! I love also finding some of the snazzy events in Philly alone. I make it my business to introduce myself to at least 3 people while there. I have yet to walk alone once at an event. My ability to make friends and network once I take the first step, has always been great. This year I’ll be taking my first solo trip! Listen my whole being can’t wait. Every detail of planning and a lot of great events in the works.

February is about self-love. I have been daily getting my self-love in. For me it’s about watching how I talk to myself. Yes I’m losing weight, getting better but the way I see myself in pictures and how I see myself in my mind don’t always match. Being able to see past a scale isn’t easy. I practice loving on myself daily and pushing back on the negativity. Oh and a little tidbit for those losing weight focus on off scale victories. There are going to be times when that scale doesn’t move and you know you worked hard but something you haven’t worn fits well! Another way to get my self love in is with weekly spa treatments at home. I stepped up my masks, bubble baths with candles and wine. It’s important for me to have my mind and heart right while I juggle the tightest schedules ever!

So enjoy this season! Get out and enjoy the world. Remember even with the best network of friends they don’t have the same interests as you. The things you want to do they may not. Don’t miss out on opportunities just because you don’t want to be a table of one. Being a table of one doesn’t make you lame. You can meet a load of awesome people out and about. Enjoy this life. Life is meant to be lived. Love on yourself. If your single it will help when you become entangled with another. If your married it will make you a better partner, and if you’re newly divorced it will show you things you ignored in your failed marriage. Keep in mind a failed marriage doesn’t make you a failure! Live on your terms and do it on purpose!

Motivational Monday: Keep the Reset Going

Good morning to you.  I hope you are doing well and pressing forward in your endeavors. I wanted to remind you that there is nothing wrong with constantly having to reset yourself.  I find times that people quit because they get tired of falling within their plan.  This means you set a goal and you don’t achieve it.  So instead of resetting yourself you just walk away from that goal.

Which one is worst?  Giving up altogether or falling a thousand times in a race but making it to the end?  I hope you went with option two. There are going to be many times in your life where you will have to reset yourself.  You get up in the am with the idea of being on time but then life happens, do you stay home?  No you shift your mindset and say well thank goodness I can open my eyes, and you continue on your journey.  As you set your mindset you will get through whatever is thrown your way. Do NOT give up no matter how disheartening it may feel.  Keep going!

It’s like you are dating a great guy.  He turns out to be a toad, do you just swear off men?  Maybe in your frustration but which is worst, finding the right guy or girl because you really do want to be coupled up or do you just walk the Earth alone?  You get you together, find out how you can do some inner work to attract the man or woman you want to be with and you start dating.  You start living.  You still keep on going.  You don’t do like some and become bitter. Bitter is easy. There’s not much you can do to foster bitterness.  Just keep on complaining, keep on being angry, keep on hating on the next couple and bam, bitterness has set in. It takes more work to push through it.  If you don’t think you are worthy of that push then how in the green Earth is your man or woman supposed to take you serious? Keep on trucking along!

If you have a desire to have a better job  but better hasn’t come yet, do you just not go to work altogether? If you want to eat and live you work your regular job and work hard at finding a better one. Keep on going.  Spend that down time and put in applications, talking to folks, networking, building relationship.  If you can’t reset through how will you do well once you get the job?  You do realize that with every thing, there is a challenge attached to another level.

The point of today and everyday is to reset.  Resetting is your ticket to renewing your mind to keep on pushing. It’s the second between giving up or pushing through even with tears in your heart and frustration on your heart. It’s what makes the people who are super hungry and the ones that could eat.  What do you want today? How many times have you failed at it?  Did failure make you stop and walk away from it?  It’s like with weight loss, one day the scale tips the wrong way you can’t just eat your way through it. Set that cookie down, forgive yourself and go grab a healthier option. Reset today!