Ask Toi: Hump Day Edition

The question is how does our reader communicate to her boyfriend that he needs to stop promising the world to her during sex…

Well this is a good problem to have. In one sense know that during sex a man would just about empty out there account to you if it meant getting more. However it can be off-putting to hear it every time you have sex. I would just mention it obviously when you’re not in the moment. You have to bring it up so that it doesn’t mess up your head and then no one is having a good time.

Also know too if you leave it alone and don’t mention it at all it really could just be how things happen. Meaning men say dumb things at the point of climax. Most men barely follow through. Men make a lot of promises during sex. If he is saying weird things he wants to give you that you really wanted or needed and then falling by the way side with the come up, there’s a problem. If he is making promises on dumb and unattainable things then understand the other “head” is doing the talking. So if he promises you marriage or brings it up during sex but outside of the bedroom hes mute and you want to be married, let him know it’s not ok and that it has to stop.  If he does tell him how disheartening it is to have these conversations with him when he is doing it for the wrong reasons.  Climax produces a lot of amazing feelings but playing with your emotions isn’t one.

If it makes you uncomfortable or makes you want to stop having sex with him its worth a conversation.  However this is why women hold an amazing power.  We have the ability to really take a man down with that power. Speak up and find other ways to have some sexy talk during your sex sessions.

Side note for men: don’t tell a woman you gonna give her anything you can’t really give her once you wash up and leave. Talk that talk that can be backed up and not when we backing it up…..

 

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Sunday Message: Stop Fighting

When I was younger I didn’t get into a lot of fights but the ones that I did get into I definitely finished them. Fighting back in the day was a means of survival. I definitely wasn’t the one to start a physical fight but like my mom always taught me don’t write a check your behind can’t cash, so I made sure I protected myself and my twin.

As I got older I’ve gotten into more verbal altercations than physical. Contrary to most I can handle myself. Words can sometimes be more cutting than fights. Up until a few years ago I would go in on folks. My personality is strong. I’m usually quiet and reserved but is pushed or provoked I’m not the one to back down. I’ve learned that some fights aren’t even worth it. Some back and forth rob you of peace. The last big verbal altercation had me pacing back and forth, heated, and ready to escalate. I knew I could easily make it physical and after 30, unless my kids are in danger, what’s the point?!

So why do we engage in these types of fights? To prove ourselves right? Then what? What do I gain? Nothing. So now I try not to engage with people who I know I might lose my cool and over the last few years I’ve spent more time working on me. Working on my triggers so that if ever confronted again I’ll pass the test. Working on why the issues began. Some of it goes to my childhood and some unresolved issues that I didn’t speak on.

I was talking to a friend and she was telling me about some folks she rarely sees. On average she sees them maybe once a year. I understood that when with a yearly visit how irritating some people can be. She was putting into plan all the things she was going to say. I stopped her and reminded her that she needs to not focus on what to say to them but how to maintain her peace. She was more worked up on making her points to folks who could probably care less. I encouraged her to switch the plan. Instead of being in defense, lower her defense and just be cordial. If anything is brought up, deal with it and have an exit plan for herself. Of course she hit me with the but you don’t get it. Mind you I had been listening but the whole time she hasn’t realized all she is doing is giving life to someone she only interacts for a year. She was giving them the power of dictating her emotions about the issues instead of dealing with it.

She’s going into the situation with her arms up to jab instead of being protectant of herself. She’s ready to fight. She has no idea what has changed in a year. I’m not saying her feelings aren’t valid. They are. However you can’t let your feelings to take complete control. She has to interact with folks or remove herself completely. The middle would be cordial until they aren’t. There’s always a middle. In her situation for her to not interact at least on a case be case measure would be a domino effect to her main relationship. I could hear that she was getting it.

After she calmed down from thinking I wasn’t listening, she started crying. FYI she’s given me permission to share this story. She had been getting sick and doctors were finding nothing wrong with her. She allowed the stress of the people she had a bad interaction with to stress her for over a year. She doesn’t know what the other party was going through but she has allowed it to get so bad she was sick, losing weight, etc. I let her know that maybe it was time to figure out her part in it and hers alone. She had to deal with her. She had to either be willing to be on a hi and bye with them or remove herself from them altogether.

It was time to stop fighting. She was fighting alone. She was losing. She was losing horribly. I asked her was worth it to make whatever point if at the end of the day you are the one bearing the pain alone. When I asked why the argument started she said she didn’t remember. I reminded her she would always remember how she felt and it’s valid. However release the pain and it may mean walking away mentally and emotionally and dropping the charges. You will remember. It will sting at points. However she didn’t need to hold onto it. She wanted an apology. I asked her in order to open the door for one was she willing to sit down and speak to the other party to get it?! She said no.

We fight so many battles. Some battles it’s time to be about that life. Just because I see things differently doesn’t mean I wouldn’t ever turn up. It just means I take into consideration which situations it’s warranted. Anything that robs me of my peace is not worth it. She asked me how did I handle myself in the aftermath, and the answer is simply prayer, counseling; and space. I removed myself from the issues and got clarity. I’ve seen some of the others involved and nothing on the inside of me is mad or upset because instead of making them a focus, I focused on what I didn’t do right, how to be in control, and where I can improve. I switched the energy and dropped the charges. I let her know I will most likely never get an apology but I didn’t have to walk around in defeat.

I’m glad to say that she has begun counseling to help her though it!!!

Pick and choose your battles! Everything ain’t worth the headache. Sometimes situations happen to reveal things in you. Always look in instead of pointing the other way. Yes others can be wrong as two left shoes, but if you still are holding onto the he sting or the situation who loses? You. Listen to your conversation. What you are still dealing with will come out in your conversations. Out of your mouth runs the issues of the heart! If you still talk about it especially consistently, you may not be completely healed. If you’re not healed, you are walking in pain and that pain has more consequences for you than them.

Ode to 20 Years of Service

My dad is retiring from the military today. What an amazing accomplishment. I am not writing this from his perspective but from mine in seeing him put his life on the line for every American.  This is for every hard deployment. For every major event that my dad missed. This is for every time we supported my mom as she navigated her life hoping that he would return as whole as he left. Today is all of our day.

Military families suffer in a lot ways. You see the stories of men and women who leave their families and miss the births of their first child. They leave and miss out on graduations. It is something that all military families feel. We all know that when that calls comes in, no matter what you feel it’s time to step up. It’s not just my dad who felt empty. I remember being younger and feeling like I couldn’t make stable friends because by the time I had, we moved. It happens.

20 years  of saying yes! 20 years of watching my dad make me so proud has been amazing. It had lows but today it seems as if he’s finally getting the recognition that he deserves. Although no one does it for the pat on their back, if you are going to make a career out of the military, retirement is the goal. My dad has reached his goal! He has held on and made a military life that my family has suffered and benefitted from. So for all of the women and men of the Armed Forces that are still waiting for this day, hold on and know that people like myself get it and understand it.

To my dad,

Thank you for every deployment but still making sure we were okay

For every broken FaceTime that the Wifi stole

For every time we missed calls because you were in some remote country

For every birthday that was missed with your grandkids and even a few near births

For every tear that was shed here on US soil while you were doing what you were called to do

Know that as you are saluted with honors, know that no bigger honor can be seen than a daughter who looks at her father and knows what an outstanding man you are on the inside out

Thank you and you deserve today and more

Live it up! Enjoy your time of not having to  clock in or having to go to  training

Thank you for securing the bag and showing me what hard work will do

Thank you for making ways out of no ways for our entire family through out the years

Thank you for being you

Now let’s crack that bottle in your honor

I love you

No more see you laters  by phone due to deployments

Thank you dad!

Cheers to 20 years!!

Love your Daughter Toi of ToiTime

Surviving R. Kelly; My Thoughts

Let’s cut to the chase on this. There is so much to unravel! These are my thoughts:

R. Kelly is a sick. He really is. There is zero doubt about that. No excuses!! No bull. It is what it is. He was molested himself as a child and that’s so super unfortunate. However he then inflicted pain on others. He doesn’t get to get a pass for his sexual misconduct that had been brewing for years. There comes a point when you even in your pain still have to take responsibility for your actions.

Aaliyah

First of all my heart goes out to her. She is a victim. There are a lot of boys let alone men with money and influence that manipulate girls and women all the time. It’s wrong. So it’s not far fetched that she too was manipulated. My anger resides with R. Kelly being an adult. He knew better. I’ve heard theories that he was sick in the mind due to his own abuse endured but it doesn’t mean he wasn’t aware of what he was doing was wrong. The mere cover up of her age means he knew better from a legal standpoint.

My second place of anger is with Aaliyah’s parents. I’ve read the statement about them stating that they were with her and that at no time had she been alone with R. Kelly! However they weren’t there when she got married. The documents were forged and I get that. What I’m saying is there had to be a financial gain for them to allow their daughter to have this “best friend” in R Kelly who was grown. My child is monitored on friends her age let alone my husband would lose his mind if he found out there was a grown man who was her best friend hanging around her. What in the actual world could you have in common with a child?

I hope every parent put yourself in the place of Aaliyah and the other parents of children who were assaulted that you take a firm against such behaviors. I pray that you don’t have to be known as someone didn’t have your children’s best interest at heart!

The ideal that Aaliyah was wise beyond her years or that she was fast or that she was pretty much the reason why she was groomed towards this is completely out of pocket. Aaliyah was a child and her parents failed her and R. Kelly was WRONG!!!!!!!! He was and is disgusting and it’s disgraceful!!

I get you don’t want to speak ill of the dead so since she’s not here it would be in their best interest to rely on a Non disclosures or that $100 they or she was given for her silence. It doesn’t change the marriage being done. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again he married her to sleep with her without others having a legal issue. Anything done that is based on a lie wouldn’t last. Yes it was annulled. I do understand that but what type of relationship could I have with a man who took my daughter to marry her and hence sleep with her even if I wanted to maintain that I was a loving and doting mother?! Even if I wanted to distance myself and make myself be a victim I would want to protect her and therefore would not cover for him. I would be attempting until his dying day to end him. I pray I never allow my daughters to be compromised and I pray that my daughters never feel the need to be tempted to succumb to anything in any realm such as this!!

Family Ain’t……

His family and friends who knew and now are speaking up about this all should be locked up. They all NOW claim how horrible they feel. They feel so bad but did the checks dry up? When benefits did you receive that would okay seeing girls that could very well be the same age of kids you should have been protecting. All of them don’t get how self incriminating it is for them to place themselves in these circles with him and want to push blame on him alone not seeing how complacent they are and were and how they too have a large responsibility to the victims of whom they thought very little of. All of the adults that knew and can recall such details failed each child they came in contact with and knew of R. Kelly’s mess as it unfolded!

Multiple Tapes

We know about the infamous tape where R. Kelly and I’ll use the legal “allegedly” filmed himself doing down right things to this child but the parts that stuck out to me are as follows:

The back up singer knew and saw him “allegedly” sleep with Aaliyah at age 15 but is crying and upset about him in the tape with Sparkle’s niece who was 14. My question is does she feel this pain now or was she feeling that at the time?! I really want to know because I catch you in the act once I wouldn’t be shocked seeing it again. I would be mad but not shocked!

Separate the man from the artist

R. Kelly had been known to tape his encounters, there are more than the infamous tape out! I’m sure there were more than just the children they were discussed on this series. This is why I don’t get why people don’t believe that he really is the man he is being painted to be. The ideal that you can separate the man from the artist….

How can we separate this musical genius from the fact that he literally has a network of enablers that literally helped him to abuse kids. Like are these people void of care? The ones that have kids scare me the most. Like watching this has reaffirmed my ability to make sure that I don’t allow my kids to be groomed like this. Despite the fact that he was so influential, others like him are in our very own communities. They say the things that young people want to hear. They scare them into silence. They abuse them into fear. It’s scary. I’ve been teaching my kids good and bad touch since before they could barely talk. The thought that I could know my children were sexually abused but sit with the abuser of my kids for any reason is overwhelming.

Am I supposed to be like well it ain’t my kids, let’s step in the name of love?! That’s basically what it sounds like. Let’s just keep the party going cause it’s unfortunate that kids that don’t belong to me went through horrible things but it ain’t my issue. If I read a story online I get moved. Kids should be off limits. Kids should be protected and I for one stopped listening to him and stopping the playing of his music around my family. My choice but to keep money flowing into R. Kelly’s pockets as he continues to “allegedly” imprison and groom women (who knows if they are underage or not) would be misguided for me as a woman! What am I doing at a concert as he parades knowing he likes young girls?! Aaliyah was not fluke. Aaliyah wasn’t this special child that he just bonded with. She on her own outside of him was phenomenal but the relationship of Aaliyah wasn’t isolated. R. Kelly doesn’t see anything wrong with having sex with children.

There are way too similar allegations for me to pull a Stevie Wonder. If there is smoke there is fire. I personally am disgusted by the whole documentary thus far.

R. Kelly is like the predator that you know but people tell you he’s not as bad as he seems. It’s like a group of people with evidence of abuse and documentation of abuse but we have to support him and for what? Music. As iconic as his music has been, he is equally flawed. He is problematic. He is an abuser. He is a manipulator. It’s disgusting!

I think the more you know you bear the responsibility of walking in life better. Having R. Kelly the musician’s craft block out years of abuse toward women as a woman myself and definitely as a mom isn’t a price I’m willing to pay. The fact that most of the forgiving fans have been women worries me. Do women lie about such things? Yes. Is everyone telling the same lie? I highly doubt it and I believe them. Not everyone is telling the same lie. Some of these women have been attempting to speak up way before Lifetime produced this series.

So there is a lot to unload. These are my raw feelings. This is how I feel. It’s hurtful as a woman to watch this. It’s almost triggering. It was difficult and is difficult to watch. It’s hard and I made triple certain that none one of my kids were up as I watched this. Although I talk to them for their age to prevent as much as I can with the help of God no way would I allow them to hear that a grown man made kids do the things that R. Kelly is being accused of. I’m grown and it was hard to hear that some of the very beloved songs actually meant more than we imagined. It’s hard! As more men are being held accountable, I pray that even if R. Kelly feels or felt like he is getting away that karma steps up and does her thing.

I hope you make your own decisions if you have an opportunity to catch the series. My opinion is not to make you believe what I believe. Personal choices on whether or not to support R. Kelly, is just that, personal.

There are countless women and men to be honest watching this and having this all hit is a lot! A lot of the stories we knew about. R Kelly has been accused since I can remember. He has been known to mess with young girls. But seeing the lengths that not only he took to cover it is jaw dropping. To see the network unfold in how he would have his own wife in the house suffering abuse while still continuing his life is crazy.

Here is a clip from the Boondocks that pretty much had it right (I do not own rights to this episode; trigger for strong offensive language):

R Kelly Boondocks Trial

To victims of abuse especially sexual abuse who have never told their story and need support, or even the ones who find themselves triggered:

Ask Toi: A man I’ve been dating for months has gone stale in communication, what should I do?

This sounds like he’s ghosting you. Ghosting is when someone you’re dating or dealing with no longer answers calls or text messages and is unavailable.

First of all, understand that some folks avoid difficult conversations. He is definitely not interested or has more on his plate and is unable to or doesn’t want to add you into the equation. There could be a thousand reasons why. It’s not your job to figure him out. Your job is to not take on his lack of communication as means of figuring out your worthiness of being in a relationship that meets your needs.

I can share that I’ve been ghosted in the past. However when I went back and thought about the surrounding signs that I paid no attention to it made sense. I had been ghosted by someone who didn’t have his stuff together. He didn’t have a place of his own. He was almost nomadic or basically going from one spot to another. So I didn’t fit the bill of fostering that situationship and was ghosted. It was cool while it lasted. I spent more time than I should have worrying about what I could have done for someone who wasn’t worthy of the amount of energy I gave. Don’t be Toi in her 20s. Be smarter than I was. Know your worth and add tax. Dating was hard in my 20s and it’s harder now!

This man may never reveal his why. You may have to gather yourself and move along. It’s hard! It sounds easier said than done but it’s definitely necessary. Chalk it up to dating in this world with inconsistent players.

Going forward pay attention to the signs. When something sounds off, acts off, or behaves off, it could very well be off. You would be better off without the headache.

If it’s that he isn’t being as consistent as he once was in terms of communication, Ask. It could be that he does have a legitimate reason. But don’t be fooled into I was bust explanation. Busy people still prioritize their wants.

Good luck!

Meet India Green of Naturally Indy; Urban Glow Cosmetics

I had the elite pleasure of meeting this super star of self-care and natural care guru when my oldest had her pining ceremony for Girl Scouts. Her poise and beauty intrigued me and I knew I had to bring her to my ToiTime followers.  Urban Glow Cosmetics is a unisex handmade natural skin care to enhance that natural glow. So what does a college student, a budding entrepreneur, and altogether natural beauty have to teach us?

Let’s meet CEO and founder of Urban Glow Cosmetics, India and find out……

I wanted to know what made this Junior college student majoring in Media Studies and Production Major with a certificate in Event Leadership and entrepreneur want to make her start? Why natural care products?

I have always had a passion for natural products, since I went completely natural in regards to my hair. The more I learned about my hair’s health, I realized that your hair is a reflection of your overall health and using chemically based skin care has no benefits to your skin, hair or body! I want my hair and skin to reflect my lifestyle and I saw a hole in the market and decided that I would fill it. As many “natural” skincare companies as you may see, believe it or not some contain unnatural ingredients or are just too expensive. Urban Glow Cosmetics targets college students especially with our affordable products and are easily accessible. Outside of college campuses, we aim to restore self-care practices in the lives of both women and men. 

When I was in college especially one that didn’t cater to the needs of African-American students, the only real stores were on campus or our local Wal-mart.  Often times the disconnect on what we needed and what was available was slim pickings. I would find that often times as a student back in the early 2000 before I realized anything about natural hair care or skin products, students would just wait for a break or find a student on campus that would be kitchen chemists or hair dressers. I am glad that India realizes the market here for Temple students and beyond.

india-fresh-face.jpg

I know with anything in life nothing comes easy.  I wanted to know one of the lessons that she has learned along the way trying to bridge this gap.

Patience is truly a virtue! There were times when I felt that I was moving too slow compared to others and their businesses and that caused me to fail on my first ever batch of masks. I rushed and didn’t use all the ingredients I knew I should have caused them all to mold over before I could even began selling. That taught me to not compare myself to others, but to use others’ success to motivate me! I learned to trust my own process. 

That’s a word. I know we all can take a lesson out of India’s book and apply that lesson across the board. Comparing yourself to someone else will always make you feel less adequate. Run your own race. Take pride in what you do. It will all come together in time. Easier to say and so much harder to do. So trust the process and keep the course.

I am still VERY new at business owning so I am still tackling my time management! Since I am the president of Campus Curlz Temple University chapter, an active member of the AmeriCorps Next Steps national  volunteering organization, and I work it has been difficult. I schedule days where I do specific tasks only and it definitely takes discipline. I have days scheduled where I only work on Urban Glow orders and other days where I only do Campus Curlz related work, volunteer, and so on. There have been plenty of times when I have been overwhelmed, but I know I have to just get better with discipline. I love all that I do, so I know I will make it work for me. My friends and family are very supportive of what I do so I can still bond with them while working on my brand. 

Having support as you complete  your goals is important. India’s schedule of being a student and a business owner seems overwhelming but what I do know is that when you are determined you can make anything work. So what’s stopping you?  Only you know the answers. Even in temporary failure as India had with her first set of masks, her ability to refocus instead of giving up is key.

Nothing worth having is going to just fall in your lap. Even if the idea does, it takes work to maintain. So I wanted to know from India, what sacrifices she has experienced this far in her own journey?

I have had to sacrifice a lot since launching Urban Glow Cosmetics, but one major sacrifice I’ve made thus far would be my “free time”. I have sat out on family events, social events, sleep, etc. just to make sure I am doing what is needed for Urban Glow Cosmetics. I used to feel upset about it, but the more time I spend working on my craft the less it feel like a sacrifice for me. 

 Could you make this type of sacrifice for your dream? Think about it. If you had to miss out on some events, or time with your family members, could you? I know I could and have in the past. Sometimes we have to let those around us know that we love them but this comes first. 

Everyone who reads ToiTime knows at this point how much I am a champion of self-care. It’s important to take time out for yourself while you serve or even times before you can serve someone else. With that in mind I wanted to know how does self-care coincide with Urban Glow Cosmetics?

Self-care is the basis of my business! Self-care is a term people think they know, but it consists of so much more! Urban Glow Cosmetics serves as the physical part of self-care, but I want to expand this and give people the opportunity to reclaim the word, understand what it means, and have them incorporate it into their everyday lifestyle naturally. 

As we are only a mere days into the New Year, what was the one thing that you felt you missed in 2018?

If i’m understanding the question correctly, one thing I feel like I missed out on was promoting myself at events. I was offered a spot at multiple vending events and I didn’t have confidence in myself at the time and I passed up those opportunities. 

We all have been there before. There is a time to say no. No when you feel like you are being pressed in the wrong direction. No when you feel like you are being used. However no can backfire. Thinking you haven’t done enough to be invited to the table can be just as damaging as being pressed too thin. If you are being brought to the table and its nothing that takes away from you in any way, consider your No to a Yes. You are just as worthy. IF you find that those at the table seem more polished, use it as a way to fine tune your skills sets. Ask questions of those seasoned. As a blogger I have had many times when I didn’t even attend. I was like I need more years under me. However after striking away fear, I found that I had just as much to offer as my fellow bloggers when attending. India get to the table, and smile with pride-you got it!

What does the future look for India and Urban Glow Cosmetics?

My plans and goals for Urban Glow Cosmetics is to develop into more than just a natural skin care company. I want to have several events, conferences, and retreats focusing on self-care, self-love, and the empowerment of women. My brand “Naturally Indy” will expand globally, so not only will I provide physical products but self-care goes deeper than the physical and I want to help women on their journeys mentally, emotionally, and physically through my events, conferences, retreats, etc. My ultimate end goal that will combine my field of study (Media Studies and Production) and my passion projects will be have my own TV Show that talks about numerous topics to help and motivate women. 

Girl you better say that! Speak it and work towards it, I know that this is just the beginning.

What is your message for women? For the Community? For Yourself?

“ It is okay to be selfish with you. It is important to take care of you. Be sure that you’re on the top of the list of people who you care for and take care of. “

To Myself: “ Stop waiting to turn into some perfect version of yourself and start enjoying being who you are in the present. Everything else will align.”

To my Community: “ Help each other! There are so many ways  to help your people, your friends, and your family. Do your part because support goes a long way!” 

india products

Men natural care products are for you too. Trust me skin of all kind can benefit from natural skin care products and is necessary for all. Also ladies, makeup can be that much more flawless when the skin underneath is just as “beat” without it. In 2019, do yourself a favor and treat your skin just as well as you do with the products that you put on top of it. With that in mind here’s how you can bring these affordable products to your home.  Also watch out for more, 2019 new products are dropping. Don’t miss out:

Urban Glow Cosmetics

If you will be in Philadelphia Pa area on February 2, 2019 join India and fellow other entrepreneurs at the Boss Babe Link Up. This event is a ticket paid event and will include food and a chance to be around other goal oriented women. You can find the information below:

Boss Babe Link Up

boss babe

And for those who claim they are too busy for self-care, lets end that talk in 2019. There are a thousand ways you can self-care.  For my busy on the go college students, moms, women and men who are always on the go get ahold of the masks as they are “to-go” sized and travel friendly. That means there is no reason you can’t afford them this year or grab and go either! Go and grab it and let’s flood this entrepreneur with love with our support as well as we can support her with our dollars too!

Follow India at her social media handles below:

Instagram

Campuscurlz Temple University

2019 Let’s Get It

So we all have goals. I believe in doing daily, weekly, monthly and of course yearly goals. I told you I am the type that carries around 2 planners. One for my life and family life and the other just for the blog. It’s important for me to write down my intentions and see my goals in front of me so that I can accomplish anything. So when the New Year comes along to me regardless if you believe in resolutions, goal setting is very much important.

So with that in mind as always I will do my yearly Vision Board. I love sitting down with my husband and kids and helping each other come up with their goals, supporting their goals, and really setting the ground work for our kids to understand that having a vision in life is important even at an early age. We sit down and have the Storr Family Vision Board party. I make it into an event. We have fun, we talk about what we think we want to do, and it’s another opportunity for my husband and I as a couple to set goals for the family, and as individuals. I would highly encourage you to do the same. I also take and set my vision board in my room so I can openly view it. It’s important to have it in my eye sight so I can work through the goals often. I also take a picture of it and set it as backdrop on my cell. This way since I am on it enough, I can continue to affirm my goals daily. I believe that there is at least one thing I can do everyday towards my goals and that is my mindset.

visionboard

Personal Goals

I used to think that having personal goals should be at the bottom of the list. To me that is not the way to go. Before I can help anyone else in their goals I need to be actively fulfilling my own. So here are my personal goals:

  • Take another solo trip
  • Connect with a Spiritual Mentor
  • Take at least 2 weekends even if it’s an overnight trip to self renew
  • Complete 5 races
  • Arrange a birthday brunch with my friends
  • Take at least 2 girls trips
  • Do at least 4 facials at a salon
  • Keep my self-care balanced
  • Continue my weight management balance
  • Celebrate each month with something I love to do for myself
  • Stack my savings
  • Stack my emergency fund
  • Attend more events
  • Tweak my friendships to be better, eliminate the relationships that no longer serve

Blog Goals

Here are my blogging goals for this year

  • Get a new Camera for blogging
  • Collaborations with brands (new ones already secured; details coming)
  • Come from behind the blog to be more interactive on my social media platforms
  • Use my own pictures and editorials for my blogs
  • Continue my branding expansion
  • Attend one blog retreat in another state or city
  • Increase my social media numbers on all platforms
  • Keep the consistency in blogs per week
  • Collaborate with 2 new bloggers

Mommy Goals

This I needed to make slighty different from my family goals. As a mom I noticed that any triggers I may have had and didn’t know through counseling has come up in how I parent. Thankfully I am doing the work to make sure that my kids are well-rounded and balanced. Growing up we spent more time worrying about being settled in church that all other areas were neglected. It’s the truth that you can’t just be spiritually minded and no earthly good.

  • Balance the time I spend with my kids
  • Take them on more mommy and me time
  • Continue to work hard at my self-care as it reflects to my mothering
  • Develop each child with what they need over what I think they should have ie. love them with their love language
  • More patience-always need more of that
  • Be mindful of my words and how I relate to them
  • Give them the best parts of me
  • Cultivate each child’s dreams as a unit and separately

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Family Goals

  • Take more trips to the lake
  • Take at least one beach trip
  • Set up 2 family vacations
  • Continue to celebrate life freely
  • Continue to celebrate the little things
  • Continue our prayer sessions daily
  • Celebrate each other’s accomplishments
  • Continue keeping peach in our home
  • Eliminating wasteful spending as a unit

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Bae Goals

  • One getaway
  • Celebrate each other’s accomplishments
  • Find ways to love each other according to our love language
  • Monthly date nights
  • More check-ins and being intentional in listening to one another
  • Communicate effectively
  • Keep the focus on what’s important
  • Be a better partner not just a wife. My husband and I moved towards partnership and I found it’s been better for us. As a wife or husband you tend to work towards duties. Partnership moves past duties and making sure we give each partner what they need to be successful

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So as you can see because I am always writing my goals, it wasn’t hard for me to fine tune what I know I’m setting out to do. It’s important to me to be sure that I am always finding ways to be a better version of myself. As life happens, this list, will change. In order to live a life of purpose, I don’t have to stick to this list and bring in the guilt of changing my goals. I can use this as a guide and have fun doing them. I hope you change your perception of what goal setting is about. It’s all about fine tuning yourself and having something to work towards.

 

May your 2019 be all that you put the work into becoming!!