Boyfriend Drama

Having a boyfriend or girlfriend should be a nice welcomed addition to your life.  It can be fun, exciting, and new.  Sometimes when the newness wears off you may have a few things that lust allow you to check in the beginning.

love couple sunset sunrise

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Are You a Real Couple?

Huh? Yes did you know that some folks get together and think its all love between them but in the end you may not even have had the talk.  You actually need to communicate that you and your boo are really an official couple.  Do NOT ever miss this step.  Even if you two had this conversation over sex, have the conversation again outside of the actual bedroom.  This will save you a few weeks in and possibly a heartache.  Being on the same page is the biggest thing that couples will need to be sure they are on.  Also what is your dating goal?  Casual? Dating towards a future? Kicking it?  FYI kicking sometimes means kicking it for sex alone, so be clear!

Jealousy

There is a healthy dose of jealousy in any relationship but when you find that the jealousy leads you not to both be able to live active lives separately and come together then, sis you get a problem.  No relationship should have micromanaging as part as criteria.  This is unhealthy.  I am married and the thought that I would be micromanaging my husband or he me makes me tired just thinking of it.  Two individuals need to be that-two individuals that are dating to see if they are compatible or just dating to date. Also micromanaging someone is a lot of work.  Its draining! This energy could be used to start a business, get physically fit, make money, something other than knowing where another individual physically is.  I am not taking time to smell body parts, checking mileage, checking phones, etc

Cheating

Cheating isn’t everyone’s deal breakers.  I think it should be.  The amount of disrespect it takes to do the most against the one you claim you are in love with or even a strong like, is sheer madness to me!  Also keep in mind the amount of STD that are out here in world makes zero sense to put my life at risk for a relationship.  Let me plug that no relationship is cheat proof.  Please manage your sexual health.  Do not tell me how long you have been with your love a reason not to get checked on a regular basis.  I wrote a blog on a previous doctor telling me that as a married woman who I didn’t need to be checked regularly.  She got the business.  I would be less worried about body count and more concerned with clean sexual health and great health practices.

Space Please

When I met my husband back in 1999 he was my first and my first adult relationship.  Not having someone manage our time we found ourselves up under one another all the time.  In the beginning I thought how great it was but there came a time where it became unhealthy.  Being up under someone all the time will wear down one or both of you.  Back up! Give space.  Even if you and your boyfriend have decided to live with one another, space is necessary.  Go and still hang with friends, continue the same dreams you had before you got all Ella Mai “Boo’d up.” Did you go to work?  Yes still go and get work done.  Don’t mess up your coins just to be on your phones, losing focus, or taking off to spend days with no love interest.  Being employed and in love is better than Broke and in Love!

bed blanket female girl

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All up in The Business

Learn to keep folks out of your business.  The more hands on deck, the more complicated things can and will be.  Everyone doesn’t need to know every time there is an argument or fall out.  You do know everyone is going  to be as forgiving.  People wonder why there friends and family members can barely have descent relationships with their significant others and one answer is they know all the tea.  It’s hard not to give a side eye to someone who keeps off as raggedy human beings.  So to keep the drama down, keep folks out of your business!

If you are embarking on a new love take precaution.  Get to know the one you are taking this chance on.  Keep your life as rich as it was! Take your time.  Get to know how this new person reacts when they get mad with you and others around them.  Also if they have kids but aren’t active with them, find that out too.  No man should be out here making a whole new life and neglecting their kids.  No man who won’t care about his own flesh and blood won’t care about the things that concern you.  That’s a word! Too many women letting me dick them down that don’t even know what grade their kids are in.  If your new love doesn’t want you to be healthy, run! A man should want to get his life together and definitely would want their new leading lady to live her “best life” too!

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Love is….Making Room

So it’s another episode of Love Is. Let me say my recap is going to offend some but I’m not holding back.

Nuri and Yasir are getting super close and spending a lot of time together. They look like the perfect couple! However major red flags. As much as I love the realness of their relationship let me say, if I was in the dating world right now, I’m quite sure I would be in the sex store because my tolerance for some of this behavior I tolerated from the men I dated in my 20s could not and would not be tolerated now!

  • Yasir has a job! Thank the lord for employment. A man without a job is a hard pill to swallow. Only a woman who truly loves you will ride the unemployment rodeo but for so long!
  • Kudos to Nuri having the ability to support her man BUT ladies do not ever silence your voice to make your man feel like a man. He needs to be able to have his light next to yours without feeling a certain way! Period! This is not up for discussion!
  • Valentine’s Day foolery-Yasir doesn’t believe in it and Nuri does but like some women she muted that desire to make sure Yasir didn’t feel a certain way! This is a huge no no! Whatever you allow in the beginning and it’s not genuine you will lose in the end! Be honest with yourself and your new boo!
  • New love is great but lying in any way will lead down the wrong road!
  • Not all Hotep men, but some use intellect as the hustle. As articulate as Yasir is his demeanor is off putting. Not just based on my personal experiences, but be careful with any man who is a smooth talker. That smooth talk is the game. If a man is not sincere they will use that smooth talk to gain a place in your heart but will leave you lacking! Guard yourself!
  • Yasir thanks to Sean redeemed himself by making room, he finally found a way to come back to Nuri, and celebrate Valentine’s Day! Had Nuri been clear he would have had no choice to either shit or get off the pot! Relationships should be give and take and never one sided!
  • Yasir spent Valentine’s Day initially with Ruby! Technically he went home aka Ruby’s house and Ruby finally let Yasir know that she put the work into him and Nuri basically came in and reaped the benefits. Men are not projects if your man isn’t making moves it could be you are not the one he wants to make moves with. It’s sucks and maybe it hurts to hear but no truer words ever said! Stop investing years to a man who will not give you what you need. Yasir is making moves with Nuri because he loves Nuri! He was stagnant with Ruby because he no longer wanted to be!
  • Next week looks like an episode of Love and Hip Hop. So we shall see! Until then be careful with love, make sure that the person you are falling for is making room for you too!
  • Love is…Unbalanced

    Nuri and Yasir are getting hot and heavy. If ever there was the best part of a new relationship is when two people become sexually one. It’s invigorating and very intense. Love is a great thing but you don’t have to have an awesome love life, and suffer in your profession or vice versa. Also new love is good but don’t let it get you caught off guard:

    However let’s dive into a few things that set off a few alarms outside of the bedroom:

    • Porcelain Doll: it reminds me of Chrisette Michele’s Porcelain Doll song where she talks about how she is tired of doing the most for the man such as dressing for him the way he wants just because… My own husband has his preferences and I would be lying if I would say I don’t indulge them here and there but a doll I am not! That wear this and that especially where Nuri isn’t comfortable in pulling it off is a red flag for me! If the person you are with makes suggestions and you are comfortable than by all means but don’t play these games with no man and compromise yourself
    • Friendship- this principle where friends do whatever without a thought of how actions matter has to stop. Although Angela isn’t wrong in getting the script how she handled the situation was off base. You know when you have said or done something wrong to your friend. Don’t throw salt in the fire by playing it cool as if you’re not aware of the pain that you have caused.
    • Early 90s the notion that gay men or down low men are riddled with HIV or AIDS was a real thing in the way people thought. There are a few that still think that today. Please educate yourself in knowing that it’s up to you to protect yourself. If you know a man who is on the down low confront that man without giving him an opportunity to out himself. We all need to know our status no matter our sexual orientation and married or single get tested. Be vigilant about your sexual health. Oh and men gay or not and women too who are sexually active run the risk of having a STD!
    • So we all know Yasir doesn’t have a job but….. the availability of being at Nuri side every other second, is a bit much for me. I remember being in college when I dated my boyfriend who is my now husband and missing classes, ditching work, skipping out on events just to be with one another. It was cute. However the best part of our relationship has been when we both had had our own identities and then came together. Although this works for Nuri and Yasir for now if you have a new love make yourself get some balance.
    • Yasir has seen Nuri in a funk. He calls a spade a spade and she is relentless to hear him. She was able to hold her position for quite some time and that’s called holding a grudge. Some can do it better than others but Yasir hit it on the head by giving her the advice she needed instead of what she wanted to hear. Vulnerability isn’t always easy to take in.
  • This is the week of unbalance and hopefully the balance is coming but by the looks of next week’s episode, I’m not too sure!
  • Love is…Intense

    Tonight was on one. As I always like for you to go back and rewatch, these are my thoughts and reactions:

    • Nuri knew damn well she shouldn’t have gone on that ski trip. Keith wanted to hit. Men ain’t inviting you to read scripture. It’s definitely understood. And before you hit me with the whole women don’t have to give it up we know that already. It’s just not the first thing that comes to mind
    • When Keith gave Nuri that Keith’s girl sweater, I literally died on the inside. Nuri wearing that sweater was a sign of when women settle.
    • Spoiler alert: Keith confesses to being gay. There is nothing wrong with choosing a life that you want, but back in this time it was even more taboo to “come out.” But let me say I wasn’t ready but I wasn’t surprised
    • Angela told Nuri right, never put another woman in a position to be fighting etc over a man. Nuri feels so desperate that she’s willing to “call” Yasir but let’s not forget he has a “roommate.”
    • Keith who by the way was high and drinking now wants to back peddle his gay confession. Let me help a few folks out, two people who don’t lie and that’s children and a drunk! Keith meant that and wants Nuri as his beard!
    • Angela is that friend you need. I’m more than willing to do what I can but I accept gift cards too
    • Yasir reminds Nuri that he made space for her and it’s true! Nuri I’m true fashion hit him in the one area he has a deficit in and that’s his lack of employment
    • Nuri goes to the place where Yasir and Rubi share but handles herself in a classy way
    • The end, all I’m saying is Janet Jackson got some definite sexy hits. I’m about to hit up Amazon prime for bulk candles, and a soft rug!
  • Well until next time, just know that the ups and downs of love is worth it for the one that is for you. Love isn’t always as clean as we want it to be! It’s definitely worth it!!
  • Love Is…petty! Episode 4

    Whew love is….super complicated and petty. There were a lot of take aways from tonight’s episode.

    Love has a lot of gray. We think love is a clean break however beautifully marred keep in mind this was meant to be. Since it was meant to be, timing was off but super on. Each miss and messy moment was in line to unlock their destiny. Cue in the violins but don’t let it put the pause button. Yasir shut the door on Nuri’s face so that his ex wouldn’t know what was going on. As much as he loved Nuri he needed to protect Ruby because well loyalty! There are a lot of red signs that will need to be explored:

    • If you get invited for a weekend getaway, please understand it most likely ain’t for scripture reading. They want the drawls. Nuri’s inability to see this is interesting.
    • Yasir wanted Nuri to see his potential. It’s hard because little girls are taught to not trust in potential. Potential is not enough to make a relationship last. However what Nuri doesn’t know is Yasir is putting in work. His intentions are for her as he cuts ties with his ex, Ruby.
    • Cut ties and learn that guilt is not enough to keep an old relationship solid. Ruby is holding onto the old Yasir and the life she once thought she has and Yasir feels the need to be loyal to the loyalty she has already demonstrated.
    • Women have so much to give to this world more than just the life that we already give. Back in the 90s women were seen and not heard. We are making more waves now but still have to contend with the boys club. We will not be silenced and our opinions will be heard and implemented.
    • Men you can’t keep using women and in addition to that do whatever you want to them by relying on the price of their loyalty. Ladies don’t let them. Give loyalty to whom it’s earned! The worst side to be on with a woman is when she awakens from her mental and emotional sleep and discover you have been playing games.
    • Nuri is attempting to move on and therefore has found herself in deep water with her more stable work boo and is now caught and headed to that ski trip. Yasir played it cool by allowing her to do as she pleases.

    Next week will be interesting to say the least! How will Nuri turn the tide between her and Yasir?! What lessons will need to be learned?!

    The Disconnect is Real: Love is Episode 3

    Love is complicated. I think watching Love is tonight may be the first time I’ve ever really understood the concept. By concept I mean when people have the its complicated status on social media. However I will say Yasir is not the norm and most men I wouldn’t give this fleeting chance. I could not hold onto or entertain the Yasir I came in contact with in my 20s.

    Let me go to my own personal encounter with my own ex Yasir. Of course to be super clear this was light years ago but my own Yasir was separating from his ex and like Yasir was super loyal even to this day I imagine the same to be true. We would have these invigorating dates. These world talks. These moments when you just fall in that deep love or at least a strong like. Yasir like my old Yasir never was super clear. I didn’t understand his plight until I had ended things just how displaced he was. What I will say is that I do believe there is a small amount of good Yasirs out there. I think it takes patience to unravel them AND there will be a lot of women like Nuri who probably gave their own Yasir a chance, stopped short of fully committing and then found another woman come behind and reap the benefits.

    I personally didn’t have the mindset to entertain my own Yasir. My Yasir wasn’t as forthcoming and I didn’t see the honesty or the value in pushing past the alerts. Even though I couldn’t get him off my mind and thought man he’s so mysterious, the reality as time as already told, he wasn’t the one for me. I’m not made for a Yasir. As lovable and real as this particular love story is, let’s not forget that Yasir came with work and more work than most of us are willing to give.

    Here are my take aways from tonight’s episode:

    • Yasir is definitely attempting to stay true to his beliefs
    • Nuri should have asked certain questions off the bat and she let the warm and fuzzy feelings of love overtake the situation
    • Nuri isn’t perfect. They highlighted Yasir as Nuri past is shifted in the background
    • Yasir is a loyal person and above all who you date, be friends first

    They are about to finally get into the gritty part of their pasts and how to make these pasts mesh. We always think that it’s a clean break but like Common said in the song, Come Close:

    Put down your bags love

    I know in the past love

    Has been sort of hard in you

    But I see the God in you

    I just want to nurture it

    Though this love may hurt a bit

    We dealing wit this water love

    You even give my daughter love

    I want to build a tribe wit you

    Protect and provide for you

    Truth is I can’t hide from you

    The pimp in me

    May have to die with you

    Come close

    Let’s continue to watch this beautiful mess unfold!!

    Love is…..First Take

    Sooooo so much to unwrap. Let me say that I hate to be the one to ruin the first episode because maybe you wanted to watch it later. This show although you may read it on the blogs is worth your own watch. It can’t really be placed in a box although I will do my best to give you my first thoughts.

    Messy

    So my thoughts even though I watched the preview show is that it was messy but not in a ratchet way. No disrespect to any reality show. This was real but it wasn’t the man finds a woman, falls in love and then bam they run into issues, solve it and live-in bliss. This was based on two individuals, Nuri and Yasir who were already connected with other people and other energy coming together. Connected is code switch for they had other men and women they were already messing with!

    A few nuggets Nuri, is connected to several men and at the same time. She is dating the way dating should be where you juggle but you don’t have to give up and the goods. This was super refreshing. Most times women are told that this is taboo but Nuri is doing what she wants. She has a mother who supports her and encourages her to do what she will until she is ready to settle down. Nuri’s mom walks in on Nuri while she’s laid up with one of her work boos. She’s better than me. Say what you will but as a grown woman I’m not about to be dry humping a man who I’m dating! This might be why I have 3 kids?! 🤷🏾‍♀️. Momma as encouraging as she was needed to have her key taken since she came in that house while Nuri was laid up and spills the tea and gets all in their sexual or lack of sexual relationship. The only issue I had was with Nuri wasn’t that she was messing with too many men but that some of them was one of her work buddies. Dating a man where you work can be an issue and super delicate. It’s not for everyone. I too dated a man at work back in the day and talk about super slippery slope?! Don’t do it!

    Nuri meets Yasir while at a bookstore by Yasir’s friend who first found Nuri attractive. They go their separate ways until one year later they meet up at the exact bookstore. Timing is everything and the reality is that everything that Yasir is everything a mother would have taught her daughter not to fool with. Like my mom Yasir got too many “ain’t gots.” He is literally walking around in his drawls. He ain’t got nothing but a dream and most women aren’t willing to unpack that type of baggage. We are conditioned to keep it moving and avoid the Yasirs of the world. I think that is good advice except when the connections is this strong and you try to make it work. I want to see how this dynamic alone continues.

    Nuri on the other hand seemingly has her stuff together. So how this breaks down will be interesting. Both Nuri and Yasir do have amazing mothers. I’ve already touched on Nuri’s mom but Yasir’s mom is equally a force to be reckoned with. Immediately I didn’t get mama’s boy vibes but the love that most mama’s boys are known to share she gives him that without overstepping. She lets Yasir know that he’s going to have to keep working hard and that she believes in him and his dreams.

    Timing

    As I stated above their timing couldn’t be more off but so magically right. Yasir is living with his live in girlfriend and baby mom Ruby. He gives Nuri his number to the house and this was before cell phones and even so if they had been out he was too broke to have one. Nuri calls the house. Wait!! What?! Yes. Listen please inject every black woman clap because no way you can call the house for someone’s man and then said man leaves the house and comes back home at 4am and live to tell your story! Not a one!!!! So I knew at that moment Yasir was going to be put out and that it would not end well.

    There are a lot of deep things to unroll such as statements about light-skinned women and long hair and God forbid they cut it. Men and their standard of beauty. It is definitely brought up. This thought process of beauty and what is acceptable I will definitely unravel as time goes on.

    Love is Highlights I Related to

    • The newness of love when you talk for hours and loss concept of time is so magical. Just that heightened sense of new love is nostalgic
    • Having conversations with your girlfriends trying to get clarification only to turn around and do what you want or feels is right for you is something most have been through
    • Trying to figure out dating and feeling lost in the sauce
    • Realizing in dating and in life that what you make time for is where you are
    • Love can be a saving grace

    So this is legit a surface reaction to the new series Love is. As this series continues there will be many more moments. I will say that the story is relatable and has real moments that if you just live or have lived a little you can find yourself in.

    Can we shout out the playlists and shout out to those 90 classics television shows and music?! Downloads will be up tonight! To help you here is the playlist to Love is on your favorite stream:

    Love is weekly playlist

    Also I said I would live tweet so to my surprise I would get a reply by Will Catlett who is none other than Yasir himself!! Night made!!

    So if you haven’t watched it. Watch it! Let me know what you thought and of course stay with me as I will be live tweeting each episode! It’s that good so trust me you won’t be disappointed!!

    Love is…..you fill in the blanks weekly by tuning into Own on Tuesdays at 10/9c