Marriage is beautiful. You see couples all in love holding hands and with their kissy face and that’s the images people tend to hold onto! What they don’t see in the background is the work it takes to keep a marriage alive and fresh.
Marriage is two people uniting to become one. In this oneness no one talks about the mirror that goes up immediately. You see yourself as you work out the kinks of unity. Sometimes it’s the first time you see yourself in all of its rawness. This is why it’s important to pick the right partner. The right partner will stand with you and not against you as you face this mirror of reality. The right partner will do the work to walk beside you without outing you to their friends and family. The right partner will love you through.
One of the things that even a right partner can’t do is make you happy. There isn’t a happy wife, happy life. Too many couples extend that mantra with an unhappy wife or husband at the core. This means that the husband is bending and bending for a woman who even with best interest will make the union unhappy. It goes both ways for wives with husbands. Marriage is work. Weddings are fun. Never put more energy into the wedding that you forget you are building a marriage.
When we first got married we didn’t have all of the right tools. We thought our love and history would be enough and sadly it wasn’t. In the first year we were already in counseling even though we had premarital counseling to start off with. We saw each other as the enemy. I had my own issues that couldn’t keep up with my own ideals of marriage. Happily we were given the tools but we still bumped heads very often.
Today I know we are more partners than we were in the first year. We make sure our own cups are full before we try to gift, work, or sex our way through issues. We enjoy the marriage more. We are able to bounce back quicker from an argument than before. We have separated interests and friends that we enjoy. We do things together as a couple and as a family. We fight on the same team instead of breaking down each other. We keep core issues within and limit outsourcing to the wrong people. We pray and keep spiritually connected. We have sex often. We enjoy each other’s presence. We fight fair. We give each other a time out to come back and talk about issues. We don’t mirror our marriage with another couple. We know what works for us and that’s something to celebrate! Perfection isn’t the outlook, but imperfectly working on the same team to make sure we stay strong, in love, healthy in mind and spirit is always what Team Storr is about!
To all marriages may you pour back into yourselves and celebrate every small victory like you do the big ones!