September is a lot of things. I don’t know what it is about September but its a jammed pack month. However this month is self-care and self-improvement month. So if you follow this blog, and on any social media feed I am always pushing self care. I think it’s becoming a thing or a term that is thrown out a lot but not a lot of people understand what that means. Although it can mean different things to the person who is using it, the bottom line is you have to care and love yourself enough to engage in what YOU need or disengage in the things YOU don’t want to be involved in.
The opportune word is YOU. That is essentially what self-care is all about. Only you can determine what you need or what you don’t need. For instance I can go to an event and if I am ready to go I position myself to know what type of environment I am going to be in to know if I should drive myself or not even for family events. I try to in the instance of family events to stay as long as possible especially since my husband attends my side of events without issue and I do the same for his side of his family events. However depending on what the event is he and I have it set that if one of us is not wanting to stay longer to communicate and make an exit. If the individual wants to stay than its fine too but we make sure that no one person can put pressure to stay longer than mentally capable. Sometimes walking away, leaving, or excusing yourself is self care. I literally refuse to stay in a place I do not want to be in. I used to feel guilty however I have learned to do whats best for me. Self care may be not attending an event. I can’t tell you how many times I have not gone to something because I may have needed to relax or do my own thing. I may have needed not to be in an environment that is toxic. I happily will decline an invitation at this point. If asked I will say sorry but not sorry I can’t attend. A part of self care especially for me is realizing I am an adult I don’t owe individuals an explanation. If someone sends an invite its my decision to politely decline.
Another part of self-care is knowing when enough is enough. I had someone contact me. I didn’t even respond. I knew I may have responded wrong or come off as if whatever was done in the past was an issue when reality is the person didn’t add or take away from my life. However silence is always golden and I didn’t even need to engage so I didn’t. It doesn’t have to make sense but it was to continue in my peace. Anything that will have you mentally up in arms I don’t engage in. Anything where I would give more than 15 minutes to hash out is probably not for me. That’s why I am clear and don’t go back and forth with adults. There is no need to. That is a right that I have earned from stepping into adulthood. I can’t think of a reason for back and forth at this point in my life. I can agree to disagree and still go home and love on the ones I interact with daily. I can even disagree with the ones in my home without messing up the atmosphere of my home.
Self care may look like disconnecting. I am a lover of social media but I take small breaks away from it. Yes its great for pushing my blog, interacting with family, but sometimes it can be doing the most so I disconnect. I had a situation where I was arguing with a family member that I would have argued with offline but the point was, online for what? That one was on me. I was offended, but so what offenses will come. The world didn’t need to know that I was mad. I could have handled that better so I take ownership of it and will not allow it to happen again. I simply state what I feel and if someone comments, oh well. There are probably screenshots of that very conversation floating around and for what? So sometimes I don’t delete my social media that’s just crazy. I am in control. I never understood why adults can’t simply just not get on an app but that could be a part of their self-care so it is what it is. It’s no different from deleting or blocking. I could just not engage but for me blocking works. For me its simple my rule is simple I don’t socially block who I wouldn’t block in real life. I check my block lists every now and again and if I sit and engage with you than no need to block you. If I don’t and don’t plan on breaking bread with you, and I block your access to my real life, you can stay blocked on social media. I don’t need a door opened where I wouldn’t give you access to me otherwise. So no you don’t need to know about what me and my kids do when I don’t even reach out to you, talk to you, text you, email you, etc and don’t want to. Its simple. My life is simple these days because of the steps I take to keep it that way. Do you know the quietness but fullness of life I still have? Trust.
Self care and self-improvement by far is the biggest goal in life outside of raising healthy children and having a good marriage between my husband and I. It’s self-care daily practices that I use ALL the time. I buy myself weekly flowers, I love them and they make me happy. I journal daily because it keeps me grounded. I work out 2-3 days a week because I am maintaining a healthy lifestyle and it keeps stress down. I will go to bed and be okay with my husband putting the kids to sleep because I don’t have to do it all. I can take a mental time out because that is what is necessary for me. I can make sure that I am engaging in the little things that make me strong and healthy. Please find that out for yourself and instead of engaging in bad behavior. Find and engage in what is going to make you a better person. Also remember it may not make sense to a single soul, but if it makes sense to you, is keeping you grounded, positive, and hurts no one else than do it.
For self-improvement we all can improve on ourselves, daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly. Everyday you should be striving to be better than your last. With that in mind I don’t really ever feel like I have fully accomplished my goals. I may complete some of them but there’s always another goal right in its place. Even in relationships I know there will come a time where the relationships that need mended will mend. The ones that don’t won’t. Everything is up to be changed and I am more than willing to walk in that change. You have to do the same for what your life needs.
So again as this month is supposed to encourage you to be about self care and self improvement.