Sunday Motivation: Cleaning House

Sometimes its interesting to see how many times I personally have to clean my house.  It’s gotten easier with not doing it on my own.  I struggled in the past thinking I alone had to do but with my husband in the house and now able-bodied kids, it isn’t so bad.  Everyone can assist.  However, my personal house which is me, my mind, soul, or even feelings can’t always get assistance, I must be vigilant in cleaning it daily or even moment to moment.

Being that I am a PK I won’t go too deep into a full sermon on you, but you are responsible for yourself.  You have triggers, issues from your past, hang ups, etc but in the end you have to clean house. I am reminded of the simple phrase you are what you eat and how now I am fully aware of how true that is. However the principle of what you take in matters.  This is why I am skeptical of who I am around, who I entertain, what I allow, and for how long.  These things matter as I take in things that do no serve me it is counterproductive to positive growth.

What areas of your life do you need to clean up?  We all have them.  We all have things that we should be constantly aware of, actively trying to make better, etc.  Every area of our life that we don’t make right will reveal itself. I have had to live with the sad truth of myself.  It was brought to me from events, people, and just sometimes reality.  Cleaning your house especially your inward house hurts.  You initially lose or feel pain.  You are mad and not used to attacking or confronting that ugly part of what you might have worked hard to hide. This is why, if you go to counseling which I have and do, it’s not like television where you speak to your counselor and you are happy.  Often times the pain hurt coming out.  I have had to sit in my car or go to a coffee shop before going home to process what took place in counseling before I took that home. Shout out to my husband who would even after that allow me more time after getting home to reorganize my thoughts!

What I do know that is while you clean up your act and the loneliness that you feel while doing it, is temporary.  Eventually you find better things to replace the friends who left. Let me give you a free nugget, some of the friends you actually needed at the time but your bad behavior messed it up.  It’s okay to admit it. We always hear about how your friends who left did so because they were seasonal and that’s true.  Let’s add that often times the season may have ended because of your bad behavior.  It will work out later. You will replace healthy relationships as you become healthier in mind and body.  It’s more to cleaning house than friendships. Sometimes all other relationships will be revealed.  It has to.  Be prepared for it!  Don’t think it will be fine.  The reality is that replacement feels like failure. It may look like failure.  Failure is apart of life.  It will with work and time balance out!  Do not give up and go back to the bad you left.  You ever give your baby a bath and seconds later they get dirty, that’s what its like going back and forth in a failure state of mind largely due to just wanting to keep a set of people, standards, etc from simple wanting to not be uncomfortable in old comforts! Yes re-read that, its correct!  Take the chance on yourself and clean up your act!

Clean your house! Clean the things and people around you. Clean your mindset.  Clean it up!

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Friday Weekly Recap: January 25, 2019

Well we are almost to one first month of the New Year. What have you done so far to ensure success. February 1st is usually when people start to drop off from their goals. Do NOT let that be you. Invest in yourself. If you can put enough energy back into yourself like you do everything else with hard work you will see the fruits of your labor. Pay yourself this year by working hard.

Blog Life

So this has been a busy week. We celebrated MLK day and I hope that more than just posting a meme or a inspirational quote from Dr. King that you actually live it. My hope is that you do something on the daily to unify those around you. It doesn’t mean you will get everyone on board but at least try. The country is already divided be the peace in the world you want around you as you attempt to do the same in your personal life. In addition to MLK day we also visited Cry Baby Pasta. If you haven’t had the chance to you can view the blog here: Cry Baby Pasta

Also we had the opportunity to visit Makhani Modern Indian restaurant. Amazing experience! That blog just hit today!! Make sure you catch it!!

Fit Life

Being accountable I didn’t work out on MLK Day. I was supposed to but between my family being home, I got me some much needed rest. Also with going to Cry Baby Pasta, I focused on getting ready. However I kicked butt for the rest of the week and hit my workout goals in spite of the missed Monday.  I also made sure to buy more healthy options for snacking even though I did bake cupcakes this past weekend. I will be securing the last of my 2019 races. Racing is amazing but it cost but I wouldn’t want to do anything else!!

Kid Life

My kids social schedule is increasing. From birthday parties, church events, etc I am trying to get my oldest to figure out what is more important. She did me a solid when she opted out of a birthday party to attend a commitment for church that I was unaware of. She is doing really well in prioritizing.

My son is doing amazing in soccer. His coach even sent us a note to let us know how respectful and attentive he is to her and those around her. As a parent we want to raise kids that will become great citizens and to know even when we feel he may be a handful he really is doing what we need him to do. I love that!

My youngest is in birthday mode. Her birthday is next month and she is being invited to a lot of parties and asking to do playdates. SO that is another level to add into the circle of Uber parents.

Personal Life

During the supposed snow we didn’t get, I found my faith was a little down. I wasn’t as positive and with time on my hands, I found my mindset going backwards. Even with getting out of the house for a little bit. I was able to recover but it took longer than usual. I am convinced the cold weather doesn’t help since outside of going to Cry Baby Pasta, work and Makhani, I refused to be in the dangerous cold weather. I am hopeful that as the weeks perk up and knowing that Spring is soon to come, will assist me in getting it together.

Between having one sick kid this week, a pipe break in the house and life happening around us, we are making it! Thank you all for the sweet comments on Tiki Storr our cat who we love on more and more each day!

Have a great weekend and do something nice for yourself!!!

Lastly, shout out again to my dad for his retirement from military life! We attended his ceremony and it was amazing! Congrats!!

Cry Baby Pasta; No Tears Necessary It was Amazing

Ever hear of Monday Funday?  No me neither until yesterday when I had an elite pleasure of dining at Cry Baby Pasta.  Think really good pasta and some awesome wine and know that when the two merges, it’s a celebration.

Triumphant after Tragedy

Cry Baby Pasta had their grand opening, this past Friday January 18, 2019.  If you’re a Foodie you may remember owners Bridget and husband Paul Rodriquez who also owned Bridget Foy, burned after a tragic fire in 2017. After some regrouping and a little research in the form of date nights, they saw the need for an Italian eatery that provided affordable eating options that kept a modern and fun atmosphere for others to be able to enjoy. FYI Bridget Foy will be back soon so don’t fret. In the meantime, add Cry Baby Pasta to your go to eateries.  You know I love anyone who can take a tragedy and turn it into a positive.  Cry Baby Pasta’s owners teamed up with husband and wife Chefs, David Gilberg and Carla Concalves, and together have hit a home run.

So now to the best part, my favorite food is Italian food hands down. Cry Baby Pasta had an amazing selection to choose from. I was impressed.  2000 square foot of 55 seat dinng room with 12 seat oak bar with a five seat drink rail provided the back drop to amazing Monday Funday. Cry Baby Pasta’s goals is to provide great food, fun and a shareable atmposphere and they hit it out of park.  This is a great spot to have food and drinks with your colleagues for an amazing happy hour, date night,catch up with your girls or boys or just to kick back with new friends and enjoy.

One of the dishes I really enjoyed was, Campanelle. Campanelle is made with brocoli, rabe, bread crumbs, and fiore sardo. Amazingly good and it had such a fresh veggie taste that made me forget the guilt of eating pasta while attempting to work out.

Another dish I enjoyed was,  Rigatoni. It definitely has a kick of spice to it. Mad up vodka sauce, pancetta, smoked chicken, and cherry peppers.

One of the best part of the night was the meatballs. Now I know I am trasitioning over to vegan, but they were absolutely amazing.  They were super well cook, and definitely well seasoned.

Enjoyed the night with my amazing date, my husband Marques. It was great to be able to get out, enjoy a few drinks and also be able to enjoy the ambiance at Cry Baby Pasta. It’s definitly on my list to bring a few girlfriends along.

 

So I definitely give Cry Baby a thumbs up. No need to cry, make sure you tell a friend and take a friend and enjoy!

Cry Baby Pasta will be open seven days a week, with the bar opening daily at 4:00pm and the dining room opening daily at 5:00pm. Sundays through Thursdays the kitchen will stay open until 10:00pm, and on Fridays and Saturdays look for the kitchen to stay open until Midnight. Potential weekend lunch or brunch service may come down the road. Weekday happy hour will launch later this winter. Look for catering and potential delivery down the road as well. Look for outdoor cafe seating to launch when the nice weather returns. 

For more info check out Cry Baby Pasta

Also you can make a reservation through the Resy app and trust me its super easy and quick and will connect you to Cry Baby Pasta, show up and let them take make your eating experience one you will never forget.

Ask Toi: Hump Day Edition

The question is how does our reader communicate to her boyfriend that he needs to stop promising the world to her during sex…

Well this is a good problem to have. In one sense know that during sex a man would just about empty out there account to you if it meant getting more. However it can be off-putting to hear it every time you have sex. I would just mention it obviously when you’re not in the moment. You have to bring it up so that it doesn’t mess up your head and then no one is having a good time.

Also know too if you leave it alone and don’t mention it at all it really could just be how things happen. Meaning men say dumb things at the point of climax. Most men barely follow through. Men make a lot of promises during sex. If he is saying weird things he wants to give you that you really wanted or needed and then falling by the way side with the come up, there’s a problem. If he is making promises on dumb and unattainable things then understand the other “head” is doing the talking. So if he promises you marriage or brings it up during sex but outside of the bedroom hes mute and you want to be married, let him know it’s not ok and that it has to stop.  If he does tell him how disheartening it is to have these conversations with him when he is doing it for the wrong reasons.  Climax produces a lot of amazing feelings but playing with your emotions isn’t one.

If it makes you uncomfortable or makes you want to stop having sex with him its worth a conversation.  However this is why women hold an amazing power.  We have the ability to really take a man down with that power. Speak up and find other ways to have some sexy talk during your sex sessions.

Side note for men: don’t tell a woman you gonna give her anything you can’t really give her once you wash up and leave. Talk that talk that can be backed up and not when we backing it up…..

 

Ask Toi: Personal Questions Part 2

So as promised here is part 2 of the personal questions that readers ask me #AskToi questions. Remember if you have questions about relationships, friendship, dating, work, and anything in between, send the email toitimeblog@gmail.com

How often do you argue with your husband?

Well I try not to bring people to in-depth of my marriage because it’s for he and I but I will say that these last couple of years it’s been dramatically less. So I would say maybe once every few months on serious issues and the dumb stuff that we just cut our eye at each other maybe daily. Life is short and we are mastering the art of communication. We are learning how to be partners and that is making sure we give each other what we both need and balance is key.

How often do you hang out with your friends?

I have one girl girlfriend that I make a monthly or semi monthly date with. A lot of my long-standing friends live in other states. It’s hard to link up. We have been getting better at communicating with one another and checking in. My local friends I do my best to meet up and do a lot of check ins.

What is something that ticks you off?

For me is inconsiderate people. I’ve evolved over the years. So anyone who does things just to be mean and inconsiderate whether that be with my time, energy, etc I will pull a Mariah Carey “I don’t know him/her” move. It’s disrespectful at this point in my almost 40s to give five more seconds to inconsiderate folks.

Have you ever wanted to be single since being married?

If asked a few years ago maybe in the early stages of my Marriage I would say yes. Now not at all. I am a relationship girl. I don’t do well and don’t respond well to causally dating, never have. I like to be connected and exclusive. Dating now when I talk to my friends who are single seems like so much work and filled with so many games that I don’t know if I am cut out in this world for it. So nope I’m keeping the energy in my marriage strong and keeping my ring on!! Not accepting any applications!

Would you have more kids?

Absolutely not! I love my babies. I do not want to have more kids. I made that decision on my own when I had my last daughter. I told the doctor when I found out give me the paperwork to get my tubes tied. I asked several times after I found out that she was healthy to let me see the tubes. After my hysterectomy that triple sealed the deal. I didn’t want kids with no man on this planet. That’s not a disrespect to my husband. He’s an amazing father, I just didn’t want to carry another child. I know people adopt and have surrogates and that is an amazing thing, it’s just not for me. I do not want anymore responsibility of a child in my active life.

How do you feel about sexless marriages?

This has to be a blanket question but in marriage the idea is to be with one person alone. So if there are issues I feel both parties should provide what they need. If one partner wants sex more and the other doesn’t, communicate and work a plan. It’s not okay for one of the partners to simply not try. Sex in marriage will not keep a man or woman but a sexless marriage makes it easier for one partner to want to get out of it. I don’t get when people say he or she should just deal with a sexless marriage. It’s not okay. That’s actually quite cruel. How often a married couple is determined by both partners. The lack thereof is also both partners responsibility to work through.

Have you ever cheated on your husband?

Nope! We ain’t perfect but we solid!

Will you do a conference or something to help women?

I have no plans to do so in 2019 but you never know. I would prefer to link up with someone first who knows what they are doing but I’m not against talking about it.

Have you ever given up on yourself?

Yes! Too many times. Beautiful thing about life is as long as you’re breathing it’s a great time to reset. I choose to reset myself and not give up. Reset I do daily when things are looking crazy and I’m in my feelings. I like to remind myself in reset what my goals are. So reset your mindset and don’t give up! Trust me usually in a few hours even if things are still out of whack my attitude doesn’t have to be!

Thank you again for the questions. There were some that were outright inappropriate and I didn’t answer them. I remain vigilant about my family. I am considering closer to my wedding anniversary to do a He said/she said segment so you can get a male answer on some of your questions!!! Have an awesome weekend!

Ask Toi: What do I do with an ex that won’t stop contacting me?

Ex boyfriend and ex girlfriends can vary from easy-going to super annoying. I would suggest if the communication is unwanted tell him/her.  Direct communication from your part in order to get direct no contact should work. However if your ex is the type that doesn’t take no for an answer, than block them. I think adults should be able to say hey I moved on and so should you, but if that doesn’t work you can’t stop them from calling but you can control what you answer.

One you block an ex, leave them blocked. It doesn’t always work out.  My husband was an ex at one point but I wouldn’t suggest people going to their ex just because it happened to work out for me. There was space and time between us to work ourselves out. However the mere fact that you don’t want contact means you need to close the door altogether.  If for some strange reason, you find your ex, blocking their number to contact you, or making a page on social media to follow you, please note that you may need to reinforce the I am not interested in anything anymore. If need be for safety reasons, police contact. It would be nice to think that just like back in the day where you could break up, be mad, call your girls for a night of fun, or call your boys for a night out and move on. There have been a lot of violence towards men and women during the break up phase. It doesn’t mean it will happen every time, but you have to be able to make safety your number on goal. Be an adult!

Also there has been times when I have had to get a male family member or friend to step in to assist. Whatever you do be sure to close the door. IF you really are done, be consistent in ignoring messages. Do not play the games when your mouth says you’re not, but your actions say something different. Say what you mean and mean what you say. It’s never a good thing to have to end it, and even in times when you feel like you have to be with this person, do what’s best for you. End it if you are done, and make an attempt to work it out if you can. Note that not all situations will be saved. You may always have much love for an ex but your lives just aren’t meant to be. That is okay. Speak authentically to your previous partner and voice your desires, to be left alone. If you find yourself and you are reading this to be on the other side where your previous partner has asked for space or has told you they aren’t interested, leave them alone.  Ain’t nobody got time to convince you to respect folks’ space.

 

Sunday Message: Speak into existence with action

I know we still in the New Year glow. We all have our plans and list going. However what we don’t get is that just simply writing things down helps you focus, it doesn’t do the work. You have to put work into your speech.

marketing man person communication

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It’s not just naming and claiming it anymore. You have to have action behind words. You can’t go to the car dealership put your hand on the car and walk out. You might want to also clean up your credit, have a job in place to support the payments, and be able to pay for the maintenance. This is how you can write down getting a new car as 2019 goal and act towards it. How about saving money up for a down payment? You can sell items you aren’t using it. You can use skills to bring in more income to get it as well. Action.

So now it’s not what are your resolutions? It’s what are you willing to work towards? What are you willing to get in alignment with to bring the very things in your life. Can you just obtain by asking? Yes. I have sent an email to ask to inquire about things and got the best news of my life.  This happened because I asked. Sometimes asking for help is action. It never had to be about you being able to have all of the answers, resources, and know how. You just have to be willing to do something to make your dreams happen!

reach for the and blue moon neon signages

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Will action plans into your life in this season.  Whatever you work towards if you don’t give up even at a closed-door or a no will work itself in its season of your life. Remember that no can be a protection for you! NO can shift you into where you need to be!  Just don’t sit there simply day dreaming instead of actively working towards!