Preview of “Boycott Esther” by Emily Acker

Boycott Esther is the production for anyone who has any online social media account. Directed by Maura Krause, it’s a play for anyone who wants to be relevant in any way and use social media to do so. It’s the manual for influencers. The safety protocol of thinking before you hit send is key. Thinking and pausing which so many regret to do in order to be relevant and in the know, could come at a cost. This play is about how your social media stamp can have a dynamic impact on your real life persona and vice versa.

Acker was hired by the Weinstein Company in 2016 to do a pilot remake of a British sitcom they own the rights to. As the project was wrapping up and to be sold, the allegations came out and the Me Too movement was born. Her project, as well as others, were then cancelled or didn’t move forward due to what was happening with the larger company. Acker was left to balance her personal disappointment vs. feelings of solidarity with the movement and empathy toward the women speaking out. It’s also about looking into the #MeToo movement and other social movements and the use of social media to take a stand or to evoke harsh and real realities onto others. Words matter. How we utilize our words especially on difficult topics matter too. Feeling strongly about an issue and having a set of core beliefs matter, just ask Esther. Will we be boycotting Esther?

What would you do if you were Esther? You’re young and tech savvy and you get your first major break? Before the ink could dry on your contract you’re being hit with major accusations of your boss/idol. Would you support the person you knew just because the allegations didn’t define who you perceived your boss to be? Do you stand and hold to your core values? Also what about those accused? It’s certainly taboo to think that someone can recover from such atrocities.

Boycott Esther is going to make you reconsider having to speak loudly on social media without consideration of what the boldness of your voice could cost. You are going to get the flip side of the accused. Is their empathy for them? Can you humanize with each side? Boycott Esther is the must see and to be honest it’s a piece that needs to be shown even to high school age kids too. It’s about teaching others the consequences of our social media lives.

Also did you know that Azuka Theatre follows a pay what you decide format? This makes seeing this production and many others like this affordable. With that being said if you believe in the arts you also can choose to donate. There are some amazing hard working artist and your generous support means everything!

Boycott Esther is funny, timely, thought provoking and should be a crash course for all social media handlers!!

Thank you to the staff of Azuka Theatre, the playwright Emily Acker, Director Maura Krause, the Cast of Boycott Esther, and Aversa PR for an amazing night. I had a great time with great hospitality. I definitely encourage all of my followers to see this play as all great things come to an End and your last time to see this will be May 19, 2019!! Don’t delay as you will never forget this amazing play-trust me!

Monday Motivation: Work Jealousy

Jealousy can be super ugly.  When someone is jealous of you they do not have your best intention in mind.  They do not wish you well.  This is why you have to be aware of these allegiances you make at work and be sure that the folks you work with our pure.

Work and Roll

It’s okay to work with folks without having work and life cross.  For one not everyone you work with needs to have access to your social media life.  For one if you are like me who blogs my blog life is an open book.  I blog mostly about me. My thing is if my momma can read my blog than anyone can.  All of my messy past, all of my failures are out there.  It is what it is.  However when it comes to my kids I am super locked on them. For that reason alone my personal pages are locked.  I do everything with them.  If you are on my personal pages its clear as water.  However the drawback of having a co-worker on your page is giving them access to the side they don’t see.  Be careful who you open yourself to.  The very ones you open up to could be a problem.  You can actually work and roll.  This means be a team player, be involved in work fun but know when not to blur the lines of professional and personal.  Sometimes people box you in at work to a “she’s just (insert title) and would be amazed at how dope you really are outside of work.  Leave that space for folks who you would genuinely hang out with outside of work.  I peep people before giving them front rows to my life.

Jealousy is Stagnant

If you find that you have someone on the team who is jealous of you, note them. Stick to the script of work. Do not engage them past the basics.  If you do you actually feed and fuel them further.  Be careful.  They will “sit” on you and stall your performance.  They will try to outwork you.  They will delay giving you what you need to finish a project.  Be prepared to work smarter around them as they work harder to bring you down.

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Photo by Alexander Dummer on Pexels.com

Block

One thing that a jealous person or anybody else for that matter can’t do is block your blessings.  Even if they temporary think that they got you it won’t last.  The one thing you should always do in life when at work is be vigilant, on time, and be that star employee.  It doesn’t matter if others think you are doing it for a reason.  Since when did excellence become an issue? If it highlights something they aren’t doing they need to step up their game, not you step down to mediocrity.

Do not let others who people’s jealousy of you frustrate you to the point where you stop being who you need to be.

Side Nugget: if you are always late, never getting things done, and not dependable please stop saying folks are hating on you.  They are not.  They see you as the weakest link and therefore expendable.  Trust me they are waiting for management to get rid of you.  Step your game up.  Its frustrating when folks think that others are hating on them when their negative attributes are just sticking out like a neon light.  It’s not hate, its wish.  Its wish you would get it together, wish you would do your job, or wish you would be fired.

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Photo by nappy on Pexels.com

Happy Monday and lets all step it up either in front of the jealous ones or just in general!

 

 

Ask Toi: We got some questions

Is it okay to air out a grievance about a company or individual who didn’t offer a good service or a faulty product? 

If they have a social media page for their work than yes.  Business is business.  In this social media age, how you deal with folks will air itself on social media.  So if you got to Toys R Us (I say them because last Christmas I aired them out) and they failed, reach out to their customer service.  If that gets you now where its fair game.  I find often times you can get them to respond better if you drop a dime on them on social media.  Make sure when you do that you are okay with others seeing it.  Most times these are not private comments.  To business owners, it would be in your best interest to make even mistakes right, social media has been known to end a business as customers have been known to drag someone for filth.

Is it okay that a grandparent doesn’t babysit a child? 

Yes grandparents are not expected to baby sit.  They are not the golden ticket to your social life now that you are a parent.  Many grandparents are out here living their best lives now that they are no longer tied down to kids of their own.  However grandparents should be involved in their grandchildren lives in other forms.  This means supporting them in school functions, attending birthday parties, holidays, etc A grandparent who doesn’t do these things should be held to a higher standard than them not simply wanting to babysit at will.  If you are experiencing other issues where the grandparents have checked out, it may be some deeper issues. I know some grandparents who do not and miss out on a lot of experiences and it comes out in how the kids interact with them.  Again they will lose precious time, try not to forget that.

How do you deal with a mate who has checked out emotionally?

One you have to communicate and find out why.  Find out if that mate even knows it.  Sometimes they may have things on their hearts and minds and makes it hard to even know that they are missing in action. You are not a mind reader, simply ask. If there is resistance.  Give it some time and space.  However you will have to revisit and if the resistance is still there, try counseling.  Do NOT nag them.  Trust me no one wants that. You are both grown so talking and communicating although not easy still has to take place.

Do you have to exchange gifts for the holidays with your mate?

I think I may have talked about this before but no.  This is something that is between couples.  Some couples do so much all year-long that they don’t see the value in giving gifts to one another. They not only give gifts but they invest in their mate, i.e taking them to the things their mate likes, getting them gifts for no reason, bringing flowers just because its Friday, getting tickets to their mate’s favorite team-overall thoughtfulness. I would opt in some other tradition.  I think that couples should build together.  Maybe instead of gifts you make a new pot of savings.  Maybe make the pot a vacation together, purchase a house, etc. You can decorate it, and place money from both partners.  This way you have something visible to show that you are moving towards goals. However as many complain about these commercial holidays many don’t find out their partners love language and definitely do NOT show them they love them all year. Love is not gifts.  Love should be how you speak, how you protect, how you engage.  Do not give your mate the excuse of not giving gifts on top of an already raggedy relationship.  What is the point in losing all the way around?  No a gift will not mask things but everyone likes to receive.  Its better to have a solid relationship than a bunch of stuff but its horrible to have nothing both in gifts and treatment as well and then try to hide under the no holiday guide as well.  Do better in how you love and show love.  All the ones complaining about getting all year, don’t mean they AND their mate feels that they are being loved on all year-long. Only you know that, also if your mate still wants to give don’t make them feel bad or pressure them to have the same mindset as you do.  Give them a gift because they want to for the holidays.  Relationships isn’t about being one-sided or going along with the dominating mate either.  It should be mutually respected and enjoyed by all.

 

 

 

Keep it Clean

The last several weeks I have been cleaning.  No I don’t mean just cleaning my natural house either.   I have been cleaning up my social media and what like in entertainment and who I choose to entertain.

I have been slowly pulling away from reality television to start with.  There are series that I watch that I have been deciding not to watch anymore.  That doesn’t mean I have sworn all of it off, but slowly but surely I will get there.  At this point it’s not that entertainment can’t be fun, but it can also be draining.  I am on a new wave as I conclude this year to find other ways of entertaining myself.  To be sure that I don’t, I make sure I don’t record it.  Do you know how much room my DVR has now?  Lots of space for me to record documentaries, movies, or things for my kids and I to watch together as a family.

Another thing I have been doing is cleaning out my social media.  Now let me be honest, I have an impressive block list. This is simply out of respect that my rule is I block in real life than I block in social media and not the other way around.  I do not block on social media just because I am temporarily mad over an issue.  We use the block feature so loosely that it really doesn’t have meaning.  I block after I have come to the decision that I do not want to interact with a person or group of persons in real life.  I am not a social media thug.  So no posting about what is wrong, posting petty memes.  I live in real-time.  So no you do not need to see pictures of my kids, what I am doing, who I am with, etc.  That privilege is lost.  Check out the features you have on your social media.  You can really control who the audience of your page goes to and who you allow to sit under as well.

One last thing about cleaning out my social media is my children.  Social media was developed to bring people together.  My children are the best parts of me.  I have friends and some family all over the world.  I am not going to be able to see them as often as I would like. Allowing them on my social media is a great way for them to see my kids grow.  With that in mind, we have closed up how we post on social media where they are concerned.  We don’t post them in real-time.  We do not allow anything identifying where they live, go to school, etc This prevents as much as we can, from others being able to go online and getting a social print of them.  I am not saying this is super fool-proof because it’s not but it at least allows me to put forth an effort.  Those who need to know the intrigue details know from my husband and I communicating those details.  Another app I use now is BlurPhoto for Apple Phones. (Android Phones Blue Photo) It is used to blur out anything that you don’t want shared.  I use this to block out names, other kids, and anything damaging to my kids’ identity.  Please get the app and use it.  It is free by the way.

One last thing, do not let anyone on your social media you don’t want on there.  You get tired of seeing their post than delete them. Don’t want them to know you deleted them then limit their access to you and your access to them.  Anything that makes you upset over social media can be tweaked in a way to keep your sanity.  There is an over indulgence in what we look at, what we take in, who we take in, etc  You have always had the power.  Clean it up and create places of peace.  All of those groups you are in, get out of them.  I was in a several marriage groups and they were places of nothing but contention and arguing and trying to show what you know.  I got to the point where I don’t need support for my marriage outside of the actual marriage.  In real life I wouldn’t consort with such a large group of people so why do it now.  Having a person or a few folks you can confide is one thing, but opening up Pandora’s box is unhealthy.

Trust me this will help you weed out real life friendships too.  As you change you don’t engage as much in real life to those things that are no longer serving your bottom line-get there!  Again as I always say this is what works for me  There is something that works for you but we all can use a little back up from social media and the headache that we not social media bring into our own lives.

Also on your phone too, you can mute group messages,.  Those messages will be there when you decide to unmute them.  I refuse to be a prisoner to my phone, social media, and anything else that do not matter in the long run.  This is coming from someone who loves social media.  Step back, try it out for a little while, I promise you its super fulfilling.

Ear Muffs

I respond to things that I am passionate about.  The things that affect my here and now or my and my kids future.  I respond to the petty things of the world sometimes and have to remind myself constantly to use ear muffs.  No my ears aren’t cold but they need to be shielded.  Sometimes we yell ear muffs to our kids and they know that means cup them ears mommy or daddy needs to express adult content.

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For adults the same technique sometimes needs to be used.  You are in control of what you entertain.  You are in control of what you allow to get into your spirit.  You’re an adult.  You have the ability to end the things that no longer serve you.  You have the ability to say no to images, sounds, and social media that do not line up with preserving you.  You have a right not to argue and debate a fool who will not listen to anything you or anyone else has to say.  You can be pulled in but as an adult you control the stops in your life.  You have to be willing to look wrong sometimes.  You have to be willing to look off when someone wants to engage you and you know it will lead no where.

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Even on social media. I told you about the time I allowed myself to be pulled into a debate.  Even though I felt I was being targeted or the person was saying things about my kids for one, I still had a right to end it early and deal with that person face to face. So you have the same power.  You have to evoke ear muffs to shield the very things that will cause you to be upset.  Anything that takes space in your mind that has you thinking of it for more than an hour that isn’t something centered around making you better, putting food on your table, getting you that much closer to your destiny-cut it off.  Disengage on social media, stop hanging around the family and friends who do not mean you well, stop arguing with your mate and getting no where, find another job so every day you aren’t crying in the parking lot or miserable at your place of employment. Control the parts of your life that you can.  Trust me I have been in that place before.  It tears your spirit down.  Activate your ear muffs so you can hear what you need to do, where you need to be, and how you are going to get there.  You don’t have time to entertain things that don’t build you.

Passive Aggression only Serves You

Being passive aggressive in your personality only serves YOU.  Think about it, passive aggressiveness is the ability to avoid confrontation.  So this is the type that will say little slick things out of their mouth, will indirectly snub a person or just dance around the issue because they want to save face or they don’t like to deal with the consequences if they would just be direct.  They know if they are direct that they will have to put it all on the table but they want to dance along things to keep things brewing.  Do NOT ever let this personality type get under your skin.

This personality type have themselves believe that if they were direct that they “would hurt someone’s feeling.”  However that isn’t the truth.  Most adults being adults should be able to hear the words no and adjust.  This starts from childhood.  So withholding yourself back like you’re in a fight but can’t fight shows lack of maturity.  Being direct would stop and end a lot of unnecessary back and forth.  Passive aggressive personalities actually keep things going.  Let me explain how:

  1. It’s like being bumped by “accident” but scared the person who you bumped won’t call you out. You will know if you are dealing with a passive aggressive personality because they will jump bad but then revert to the “I was just joking” phrase to act as if what they just said they didn’t mean.  Trust me they meant it but they don’t want you to take them serious because they will have to deal with the outcome of their actions.
  2. When dealing with a passive aggressive person they will continue to under cut you just to see if you will respond.  When you don’t it doesn’t make them stop.  They will continue to poke the bear until they get a response.  Continue to not respond.  Trust me they need that to irritate themselves.  Don’t let them irritate you.
  3. They are nice/nasty.  They will say things in a nice mean way to on paper appear that they are being nice but reality they are trying to under cut.  Smile at them and let them know you will have a good day.  Passive aggressive people are actually mad at themselves for not being bold and if they catch on that you see it too, they will get even more upset.

Passive aggressive people do not like bold people.  They come off as shy but they are the ones that have to feel “pushed” to speak up.  They wait for you to tick them off because they need justification to be adults and speak up.  Learn to spot them, mark them mentally and always make sure you are clear.  You don’t have to allow a person’s passive aggressive behavior to make you upset in any way.  Passive aggressive avoid in a lot of areas too not just a one on one with others.

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Oh the biggest passive aggressive sign is indirect posts on social media.  These folks will ever speak to the person (s) they have issues but they will hit them with a meme.  Stop. Don’t fall into this and then respond.  Let this adult act childish and learn to move on. Reality is they are just not sure how to speak up, don’t want to, or just like drama. Either way they are not serving anything of value in your life and you will live if you didn’t have that type of back and forth going on.

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I have had plenty of passive aggressive people who I have had to deal with it and when I ask them directly what is the issue the first response is there’s nothing wrong.  They are right there isn’t anything wrong with how they choose to conduct themselves because they want to hide.  However with my direct personality I would rather just end the back and forth and talk.  Most passive aggressive folks want to hide.  My response to this situation when I hear an undercut is that until something is brought to my attention from the source, all is fine. I do not care if I hear about a person’s issues from a 3rd party.

Action Do Something

So let me just say that I have about had all I can take but I know that is not true because as time goes especially in the next day or so the complaints are going to take off.  I am referring to the swearing-in of Donald Trump, which artists or celebrities will be in attendance and even those who aren’t.  This is about the family and friends that are about to go into social media war…. Do Something!

Yes I said it.  There.  There will be countless of those who will have just about every complaint in the world but that will be where it stops.  You don’t like one of your celebrities or artist who is performing or going, than have an action plan.  One of the best ways is to stop following them on social media.  It’s like the Kardashian affect, people say they hate them but they have over 1 million followers a piece.  Yes some folks just follow to get the tea to someone’s life but you aren’t getting how that makes you the person look. You are literally watching a person you wouldn’t even otherwise care for and you aren’t even benefitting from it.  That is a sad part of life.  We ALL have better things to do than to allow the cycle to continue.  Although the media sometimes controls the images that are out, you personally can control what you take in.  I followed Chrisette Michelle an artist that has agreed to attend and sing at Donald Trump inauguration celebration.  Now whether or not I agree with her reasons or not, I sat and watched all the comments made and thought to myself, we have the power to evoke change.  The best way is in the pockets of any artist, socialite, etc.  They thrive on media interaction, and financial backings of their product.  It doesn’t just apply to this now political storm that has been brewing for quite some time now either.  This is a principle.

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If you have people in your own personal life that you don’t deal with don’t just block them on social media but block their access to your spirit and life.  I have done this and trust me the peace to just live and not worry about the foolishness is priceless. So before you go gangster social media arguing, just end it and cut you out of it.  I had a disagreement with a family member.  I found myself getting all upset and going back and forth via social media than I thought, what is the point?   Just stop it now and deal with them on a personal level if you need to and move on.  Or not and just keep on pushing.  We give our energy to do many things and wonder why we are zapped out.  Even in your emails, you can unsubscribe correct?  Unsubscribe in real life.  There is no need to have things and people pulling on you to the point where you are up in arms.  Will Donald Trump being in office cause issues even for those who supported him?  I am sure it will. Learn to deal with what is for you and leave the rest.  If you are going to make a stand I say go for it but do it with more leg work and action and a lot less mouth.  We need a world of doers and not just good ideas alone. Protect your spirit and especially if you are a parent or help in the parenting of your children.

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