The Complainer

Let me just say and acknowledge that I used to be the one that got on everyone’s nerves with complaining.  I mean as much as I blamed everyone else for the inability to deal with it, the truth of the matter I was the Debbie Downer that no one wanted to be around.  I used to sit around and say well if “they” can’t deal with me that’s on them, this is who I am.  Sound familiar?  You can’t blame folks for no longer wanting to be in your space when your space is dampened by negative vibes and foolery. It’s like hey, you don’t ever have a good day? What does it take for you to smile? Is your life hanging in the balance, no?  Are you ever going to be okay? I can only imagine the things my own husband thought even if he never said it. I get it when I hear others do it because I hear my old responses.

So fast forward to these last few years, I have one, gut bunched myself.  I checked me.  My mom always taught me everyone ain’t telling the same lie.  They may variations but when you hear the same exact thing, there’s truth in that story.  So instead of dragging those around me with misery I checked myself and quick. I one went to counseling to deal with those underlying issues we think is dormant until they aren’t.  Secondly I looked at life from a different perspective.  There are a thousand and one things that can go wrong in your life, but my responses was the only thing that mattered.  So the blame game stopped. I took stock even in the worst of an argument, I took stock.  What did I do?  How could I change me instead of having a laundry list of the things the other person could have done?  For the record this is years of change, not last week.

I got happy or should I say I found real joy in life.  How can I be the best mother and wife if I am consistently draining those in my own home first?  A good gut check will align you in the way you should go.  So now it’s humbling and annoying at the same time when I hear people complain.  I get real quiet and begin to make space.  I can’t entertain those negative people.  In the last few months I have had one friend that I have hung around that has even challenged my interactions with friends.  I can’t do the friends that have a negative response to the most mundane thing.  For instance I sent a friend a card, they were like why did you send it to me.  I had already made it personal with lovely encouraging words, etc but instead of just reading it, they got it, didn’t open it and was like why this and why that.  I immediately took a mental note.  Listen, my friend I’ll call her K has shown me that friendships should be light.  You should be able to send messages back and forth and enjoy the company.  You should be generally happy instead of the “I wonder what issue this person will bring,” type of relationship.

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So I want to first thank my husband who brought up my negative talk to me.  Our mates know us.  When your mate says your annoying, a complainer, a nagger, you can be mad all you want the truth is in the message, learn to receive it.  I took the message and instead of getting mad, and complained some more I got it together.  There is more laughter in our home than disagreements.  Even disagreements don’t last that long. Trust me even I am have taken notice to it.  Also there is a lightness that makes things flow better even in the most difficult situations we have faced.  People think that trouble doesn’t come to us but that’s the furthest from the truth, we are just handling it better. Secondly I want to think K who has been so refreshing and not just K but a lot of my friends I wasn’t able to receive real love back and forth the way I needed to because of my own hindrances.  I feel like my relationships have gotten better for those who are on the same wave length and the others need work.  Some of that work may be from me and some from the other side as well.  We shall see.

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The time you spend complaining and living in a complaining state takes too much time off of your life.  I think to be honest is where I started doing the daily days that I post on my personal Facebook page.  There is something to be grateful for, something to celebrate, something to be better for.  Learn to tap into that.  I now have to be sure my kids don’t take on any of negative behaviors. I make sure to call it out and show them rather than tell them what gratefulness looks like.  I think our home has been in a better place.  As a wife and mom it’s up to me to set a tone as a covering over negativity in it. I hope that my own blunders will help a person to be the best version of themselves.  I know that negativity is a learned behavior and you are ultimately responsible for what comes out of your mouth.  People do NOT want to be in your presence when you are a cess pool of complaining.  Life and death are in the tongue and even the death of the closeness a relationship can be is in your tongue.  FYI just because someone has been around you for so long, is not a good enough reason to continue in your ways.

Let me leave you with 5 examples and if you meet these 5; do some inside work:

Example #1:

You get a text, do you just go with the flow or question why a message was sent without checking the message first? (reading is fundamental, question what needs questioned but you don’t have to question the sender on every thing it could be just informational)

Example #2:

You get invited to a dinner, instead of going with the flow you make comments on restaurant selection, talk about yourself the whole time, etc (PS you could have stayed home and not come)

Example #3

You are in a group text, you make the church announcement that you don’t do group text and that you are tired of being in them but you get mad when you are no longer invited to the next group text or no longer privy to the information in it (you could have muted the conversation to check back later)

Example 4

You get a gift with no card, your first response is “no card” instead of saying thank you and then the next response is “why would you come with no card” (the card could have gotten lost in transit, or the gift may have not needed one)

Example 5

You are getting a group gift and instead of stating how much you wanted from others, you offer to them for them to give what they can.  Your friend gives 10 your response is “I seen how you been spending lately, this is all you have? (you can’t clock other folks money and what they should or shouldn’t be doing with it)

 

These types of responses over time will not get you invited to the next function.  You can’t get mad when you are constantly left out after the continual rude, insensitive, negative vibes are being given.  FYI outside of the gift one I have used these responses in the past in one shape or form.  This way no one will get in their feelings of you used what I did or said.  However if the shoe fits, please wear them and adjust.  No one and I repeat NO ONE has time for any of the above mess.  No one wants to be drained of negative space when around you.

Be better not to save a relationship but because deep down even you get sick of you.   Continue reading The Complainer

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Monday Motivation

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I had a good weekend if you haven’t read up on my run, you should. But today I rode the train thinking of what I wanted to accomplish this week.  Some general themes of self-care came up as well as making work deadlines, but then I thought about ways I could be specific and get my intentions across.  I broke out my journal and began to write my goals down. I wanted to be clear as I started this Monday of my intentions.  So I encourage you to do the same.  Be clear on what you want to get accomplished this week.  Also write down how you plan to get done what you need to get done this week. Don’t just let the week happen.  Don’t let Monday come and you simply exist.  Be apart of your own story and stop allowing things to happen to you.  Yes, life is hard and comes with unexpected issues we can’t avoid, but there are a lot of things we can control and sometimes we just simply look at things as they hit. Be active in your goals, your life, and the lives of those around you.  Have a good week and a good day on purpose by starting your days with purpose.

Summer Be Good to Me!

Welp in a few days Summer will officially make its mark.  There a few things we can do to ensure we have a great one.  So here are some ways to get Summer going:

Make Me Over

Ladies, all of my ladies, do me a favor and check your make up bag.  Have you checked your bag to make sure that you are getting rid of a few things you might need to switch up.  I know there are a few things that we just absolutely love and don’t want to part ways but don’t let your makeup bag be the cause of increased acne breakouts or other facial issues.  Please let it go or replace it.  Trust me your face will thank you.

Wardrobe

It’s the time for sun dresses, shorts, swimsuits! Who isn’t excited?  There are all of these items in every size.  So you can be cool and cute all Summer long no matter what size you are in.  Enjoy it! Trust me once the heat is gone and the snow is back on the ground you are going to be sad.  Let me say especially to my ladies, there are way too many options to be comfortable for whatever you are doing so there is absolutely NO reason to be in these streets in your pajamas.  I do NOT care how they feel, wear some clothes.  Real clothes!  Thanks the world would appreciate it.  Also back in the day I was taught not to come outside in a head scarf, now we can wear them fashionably.  There are a thousand YouTube videos in how to tie one so that you can match it up and wear it flattering.  Do not come outside in the regular you slept in your scarf look.  Thanks again.  We got to care about how we walk out the house not only due to the fact that you may run into someone you know but just because self-love causes us to walk differently.

Know your Arena

If you are going to concert dress for one. This could go under wardrobe but I wanted to make it separate.  You can’t be at Brunch with sports clothes unless you are going to a game. I know we can do what we want, but know your arena.  Would you go to a wedding in jeans?  No! Then be sure that you are in the right arena with the correct clothing.  It makes a difference and not only that we live in a take a picture world and I remember when I was going through depression that I would be out looking a hot mess. I wasn’t dressed for the right arena and that sent me further in a tail spin. It happens trust me.  So research and use Pintrest.  Pintrest will actually align up some suggestions if you do not know.  Have some fun with your looks and be fly all Summer long.

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Photo by Lukas on Pexels.com

Summer Parties

This could be in the form of a cookout or a good party, make it your best one.  If you are the one who is throwing one, pick a theme and commit to it.  Nothing is more fun than a good Summer party with all of the frills.  Also realize you can be super creative and stay in budget.  Trust me when I have a theme even for my kids, I find ways to keep my budget on point but nail it every time.  Have some fun and make it a great party.  Also drinks are important non alcoholic and alcoholic. You can really find some new ways to drink a refreshing drink that makes you feel good and wow a crowd.  Do your research.  Also if you choose to consume alcohol do so conservatively and use Uber or Lyft or a trusted friend or family member for a ride.  DUI are super expensive.  Don’t let that Summer turn up cost you or someone else their life. Have fun and be responsible.

Get Out

There are many events in your city or town that is free.  Please explore and get out. Do not sit around salty all Summer long complaining about how there’s nothing for you to do. Get on  Google and find something to do.  There may be events in towns and cities near you to explore as well.  All I am saying is the boredom that kicks in by adults are self inflicting. You have the choice to sit and be miserable or be creative.  If you are single and are saying well I have no one to go with, I understand.  I used to say that too.  One part of doing better socially is sometimes pushing past that and getting out.  It’s scary I won’t lie.  However be open to meeting new people while out.  Even married my husband hates all activities that require you to be outside in the sun or around bugs.  Every festival that I want to attend I used to not go or break him down to go.  Now yes he will go, but the ones that he won’t I have learned to get out and have a great time.  One time I went somewhere and eventually he showed up.  I refuse to not attend these types of events.

Solo Trips

Yes I took a big solo trip in April but I also take solo day trips or beach days.  These are important as getting together with my girls, family time, and baecations.  You got to know you and what you like.  The best way is to push past being uncomfortable and explore.  I love it NOW.  I will not pretend that it’s always been this way because that is a lie.  However EVERY time I have come home I have been better. I do NOT answer any non emergency calls while I am out.  That is my time and my family respects it.  If I am on my phone the whole time, when am I having my time?  Reserve your time and don’t let anyone infringe on it and that’s family and friends.  The only thing that should happen is confirmation that you are safe and if an emergency then yes a call.  Your time is your time.

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Photo by nappy on Pexels.com

My Summer Playlist

So here is my personal Summer Playlist.  I love music and nothing is better than having that AC on or having the windows down and have the base jumping:

Nice; The Carters

Summertime; DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince

New Rules; Dua Lipa

Nice for What; Drake

Wait; Maroon 5

Rock with you;  Michael Jackson

I like it; Cardi B

This is America; Childish Gambino

Can’t stop the feeling; Justin Timberlake

Big Poppa; Notarious B.I.G

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My Summer Must Haves

Pool time-tan lines are made at the pool or beach. I love tan lines because they remind me that I have enjoyed a little bit of life.  I look forward to them and allowing all of this melanin to pop!

Ice-cream sundae bar: yes this can be done all year-long but nothing is better than eating it and stepping up my ice-cream sundae bar in the cutest of dishes

Outside Movies: in Philly they do series of movies for all age ranges throughout.  You will find me at one or more of these in the city

Beach day-self explanatory

Summer Fests-another thing that I love about Philly is that all summer long there is a festival for many reasons and many of them come ready to go with alcohol. I love the ones that are kid friendly since I have kids.  We all have fun, it wears them out, mommy and daddy can have our time or have a quiet house afterwards.  It’s a win, win!

Cookouts-who doesn’t like grilled food?  It’s the best and couple that with some awesome Summer salads and you got a good meal.  Nothing like getting together with a few folks and having a great time while the kids play!

So break out the sunscreen and fill up the water jugs it is happening.  Today alone it’s almost 100 degrees and the smile on my face can’t be wiped off.  So bring on the sweat, the fun, the sun, and all of the things to do. I will be hitting the streets and blogging it along the way.  Enjoy this season!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Solo Trip: Phoenix, Arizona

So I just had the BEST time ever for a few days in Arizona. Solo trips can be unnerving but they are definitely worth it.

The reason for a solo trip is simple, I can do what I want and for how much of it that I want. Who doesn’t like to get away?! I have been trying to make a trip around my bday become a yearly adventure but with mine and the kids’ schedules around my birthday a trip wouldn’t have been feasible soI had to pump it up a little. I refused to not take a trip just because it wasn’t during my birthday week.

My goal while on this trip was to relax, enjoy, and to step out of my comfort zone.

So with this thought in mind I decided to book. What I did was looked for flights first and then booked the trip around the best price instead of trying to find a flight around a particular date. I didn’t mess around when I found a flight that worked. I also set a tracker to see if the flight stayed grounded price wise. Once I found the price of the tickets to be within my budget I booked it. I then worked on hotel accommodations after the fact. There are a lot of deals out there so I focused on the amenities that meant the most to me. I felt like I had a lot of wiggle room since my family wasn’t attending this trip!

I picked Arizona because for quite some time I wanted to travel to this location. The other reason is the weather. I love heat. So I wanted somewhere that I felt I could get it and Arizona definitely didn’t disappoint. The weather was over 90 each day. And I was able to do a lot of activities, rest, and eat well.

So let’s break this trip down:

I arrived in Phoenix on Friday. My travel started very early. With that I was up at 230am and once I landed due to the time zone change, morning started all over again. I was extremely jet lagged. However once I checked into my hotel, a burst of energy and excitement came over me.

I stayed at the Grand Canyon University Hotel. It’s located in Phoenix and its through the college campus and ran by students. This hotel is super nice and super clean.

Now let me give you the pros and cons of this hotel.

The pros:

  1. Campus atmosphere
  2. Restaurant and bar was great
  3. Pool and cabanas
  4. Easy going staff
  5. Baristas are super bomb almost better than Starbucks
  6. Security is tight. They had an armed guard not a flashlight cop throughout the premises

Cons:

  1. No usb cord plug ins
  2. No microwave or fridge
  3. No safe in room to secure belongings

So as you can see the pros outweighed the cons. Not having a fridge wasn’t a huge issue. It stopped me from getting more food than I needed which in the long run was a good look anyway.

Few things if you are traveling alone:

  1. Do not be afraid to eat out. I enjoyed it and didn’t stay on my phone to take the edge off of me being alone
  2. Keep both hotel keys on you at all times
  3. Never reveal that you are alone while out and about
  4. Do a tour of the hotel so you know where everything is
  5. Be vigilant while out aka stay off your phones so your guard isn’t down
  6. Social media- do NOT check in while away. I used Snapchat and Instagram stories the whole time and made sure I didn’t reveal the city or state etc!

My first stop was the Phoenix zoo. I had a blast. Although yes I could go to the Philadelphia zoo, it was a great way to start the day. I was able to feed giraffes, touch sting rays, and ride camels. I felt like a kid. Anyone who knows me knows I’m the biggest kid. Waking around eating snacks, enjoying the heat and doing the activities was exactly what I needed.

As if I hadn’t been traveling and should have been tired from the hours at the zoo I spent, I headed over to IFly Phoenix. Now they do have one in Philly however I’ve been too scared to try it. IFly is the experience of flying suspended in the air and trust me it’s an experience of a lifetime. You go through a class that trains you on what to expect since while suspended you won’t be able to hear. They are with you and guide you through. This experience was definitely worth it. You can check out my video here IFly.

After the flying experience I was tired. The excitement was wearing off and the earliness of the day was creeping up and I slowly walked to Target to get a cord. That didn’t stop me from getting a drink or two before heading off to bed once back at the hotel.

So I got 9.5 hours of sleep. I still woke up as if I was home and after I realized I didn’t have to make my son’s 6am breakfast I quickly went back to sleep. I was off to the pool to do a few hours of lounging. I enjoyed the steady flow of cocktails and water. Word to the wise in Arizona, water is your friend. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Even at 8am it was already hot.

I love laying around at the pool but I love even more is just the heat. I did get in the water which I know my husband was under the impression that I wouldn’t. The way that heat was set up even under the cabana it was not playing games. Just think it’s just Spring in Phoenix and already well into the 90’s.

So to continue on with my day I decided to attend the Cajun Fest and meet up with my girlfriend who lives in the area. It was so much fun. They had all kinds of food from crawfish to alligator bites. I stuck to brisket, Mac and cheese and beignets. As with any festival the drinks was super weak so we decided to opt for beer. The local favorite is called the Purple Haze! I really enjoyed it!!

Oh by the way, there was a watermelon eating contest which was a blast and a half to watch. We also went with the intention of bar hopping. “What had happened” was we got stopped at the first bar and called it a night. I ain’t in my 20’s anymore. Plus it just allowed me to go back to the hotel to eat and drink some more.

On Sunday I had all kinds of intentions of getting out but the way my life was set up I opted instead to workout and lounge and the pool and have a lazy Sunday. It was the best. I got so much journaling done without interruptions. Listened to adult music vs. Johnny Johnny. That in itself was a blessing! 🙌🏾

Monday was a full day to tour Sedona. This was probably the highlight of my trip. I toured through Detour West. They were hands down amazing during the booking process to the pick up and drop off. I learned a lot, saw some of the most beautiful sights and the group I was with was small and a lot of fun!! Shout out to Robert for being the best tour guide!!

While in Sedona, we stopped in uptown Sedona for us to shop and eat on our own. One of the things I love to do is eat outside. So as soon as I saw the yellow umbrellas I knew, 89Agave was the spot for me. 89Agave is a Mexican restaurant which is another one of my favorites and the drinks and food was amazing.

I experienced heat exhaustion from all of the walking so I had to get some more water and take a nap before I went back to the pool after the sun went down. Now I had experienced the heat exhaustion with taking every precautions. I was told this could happen so I was well prepared and knew the signs of heat exhaustion.

Another tip is to keep sunblock on you so you can reapply often. I had 3 different kinds on me and definitely used them. Shout out to my girl Stephanie from sassy codesigns for designing me an awesome drinking cup for my travels. Between some adult juice and water I was drinking in style!

All in all I had a great time. I enjoyed my time away. Now let me just put a few things into perspective, during the tour I met a woman who had been away for the first time in her 17 years of marriage. Although that is a blessing for her to have been able to get away, women we have to get to a place where we take our lives and how we move seriously. No not everyone can book a flight and leave, but you can take a staycation even in your own city. Before you hit me with the I can’t afford talk, let me show you where you been wasting your money.

For the past year I bought a mini notebook and in that notebook I wrote down my bills and every purchase made. I was able to sit and see exactly where I had splurges. After I noticed the money that was wasted on things that didn’t matter I was able to cut those expenses. So less money on frivolous things to save up for a trip is doable. Taking your income tax money and paying down bills instead of getting electronics, bags, or shoes will help too.

The less money in bills you have to pay will put that money back into your pocket. So if you don’t have the money to take some time away even for a weekend it may be time to enlist better spending skills or time to invest into a financial planner. The money I save in couponing I could have stayed longer or taken another trip. Open your eyes to what you are doing in your finances. Even on tight budgets you can find ways to be more frugal.

The benefits to taking a trip alone:

  1. Being able to do what you want
  2. Downtime to get your mental in order
  3. Time to plan your next moves
  4. Fun on your own terms
  5. Ability to meet other people
  6. Way to keep yourself grounded on all levels

Extras:

It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have a few extra things that made my travel and planning go so well!

Let me shout out Shein clothing company. They are the ones responsible for my bathing suit. I found them on The Real talk snow Instagram and I wasn’t disappointed. They have all sizes and the clothes were of excellent quality. I got my traveling T-shirts from them as well.

Shout out to Old Navy as they provided the jacket and a few other shirts during my trip!!

Ear plugs, I elected to have the ones that aid in air travel. They were about 6.99-7.99 from my favorite spot, Target!!! You will have to order them as they aren’t sold in stores but this beats the cheaper ear plugs as it regulates air pressure during take off and landing.

It cut down on ear popping and not once did I have to hear the little girl who was screaming her head off a few seats ahead of me. Also I would suggest eye mask. It made me sleep super well on my 4-5 hour flight. Between the earplugs and eye mask I was in an oasis of comfort both coming and going.

Battery power

So I am always on my phone. However while being out and about in a city and state I’ve never been, having a full powered cell was important. Now you can continue to have to charge one of those cute battery packs that you can get from Five Below or you can step your game up with a Vinsic battery pack.

Portable charger, Vinsic 20000mAh External Battery Back Phone Charger for iPhone X iPad Samsung Galaxy Cell Phones Tablet https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ZH33Q6U/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_8703AbZRDXJQH

This battery charger did NOT need to be charged my entire trip! I charged my cell at night and while out I was able to draw full battery time every day that I needed it. You can charge two devices at once. I swear by this battery that once you get it you will never buy another battery pack in your life and it’s approved for flying!!

The one thing I would elect to do is to get a rental car. Arizona is do dense that Uber and Lyft really added up for me. Thankfully I was prepared for the cost, if you want to save a few dollars do rent a car. I just didn’t want the responsibility of having to drive and I enjoyed being able to be carefree with not having to drive.

I accomplished my goals of relaxing and having a great time. While away I was able to finalize my next moves and upon my return I have some new moves that I will blog when it’s time to. I am super grateful for the down time. I know my fam bam is excited to see me and I look forward to hugging them tight and to know all those meals I prepped has given me a few more days of not having to cook.

Shout out to my husband for not stifling me as I continue to grow in my personal development. When I booked he didn’t side eye me once. He encourages this growth so I can be the best woman I can be and in return has been making me the best wife and mother. This self journey has been going strong for over a year from the inside out. Also thanks for following my Uber and Lyft rides so you knew I was safe!

Shout out to my family and close friends who checked in with me and allowed me space to enjoy my time.

Shout out to my readers who enjoyed the blogs I left on my Facebook page while I was away. I definitely didn’t log into my pages while I was gone! Now it’s time to shift into my annual Toibration 10 day birthday countdown and activities and start all of the Mother Day blogs. Some will be reposts and others fresh blogs!!

Thanks for taking the time to read about my solo trip and if you’re ever needing some down time, Arizona is a spot you should put on your radar!!

What to do in Your Weekends to Prepare For Your Upcoming Week?

Weekends if you work a Monday-Friday type of job should be used to get your mind right, spend time with family and friends and have a break from the mundane.  If you are an entrepreneur you know there is no such thing as a day off, work is all the time.  If you are in the nursing field or are the type that has to be in public office such police, fire etc then time off is a blessing.  Regardless when its time to break, break! Overworking even if it’s for yourself is crazy.  None of that money you will take with you.  So learn to balance your life so you can make a little living and be here to enjoy the fruits of your labor!

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What you should be doing is simple:

  1. Relaxing-yes this is not a curse word.  Relaxing.  I used to try to jam pack so much into the weekend and slowly I am learning that less is best.  I don’t need each second filled with something to do.  I do need to find activities that everyone needs in my house but more specifically I selfishly need to make sure I am good to.
  2. Rest-I have 3 kids  and a pretty busy schedule and used to feel super guilty about taking a nap or going to bed early or resting.  This is human nature and a right. Take it.  Do not feel guilty.  Crawl in that bed, put your feed up, get your rest and get some sleep.  Successful people know how to turn it up and they know when to turn it down.
  3. Renew your mind-you see the pattern. It starts with choices and you must make a choice to renew. Some people go to church or other spiritual filling exercise.  Some do yoga.  Whatever you choose and there are plenty of choices do it and do it regularly.
  4. Plan and work their plan. Sometime I sit and look at the week before and find out how I could have done things differently.  It could be something as simple as making snacks bags the day before whatever it is find it, do it.  Any time saved is enough to shave off stress throughout the week.  This is why my crock pot is sacred.  Shout out to my husband who got me 2.  I ain’t hardly mad. I will turn them both on and that’s at least 2-4 days worth of food per crock pot meal.
  5. Have some fun.  I mean my goodness let your hair down a little. Grab you some adult juice or a mocktail.  Go find a party and dance or create a party right at home.  Do you know how many times a dance party for me and the kids has been a workout and fun?  Plenty.  Lighten up.
  6. Go on an outing. Please do not tell me about how broke you are.  Broke is a mindset.  Yes your account could have cobwebs but be inventive.  Do you know how strong my Google fingers are?  Hella strong.  The amount of free I have found could hurt someone’s feelings. Get out. Go to the park and get some fresh air.  The winter is tricky times but can find something to do.  Even doing some walking around at the malls on a rainy day is fun. FYI, the malls and movie theatres are the most busy during these times.
  7. Create.  I find that I use my Pintrest the most on the weekends or sometimes during the end of the week to find activities that are super fun, cheap, and did I say fun?  Yes there are somethings for everyone.  You could have a movie in night where you invite another family. Make it fun by creating cute little movie themed snacks, and it can be simple and rewarding.

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Whatever you plan to do this weekend-actually do.  I hate going into work and people talk about how boring their weekend was.  I am thinking to myself, they themselves may just be boring people.  Life is about living. Get out and find out what life has to offer. There are a thousand events to go to, things to do, places to be. Whatever it is get out there and find them!

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A Sister Roundup-Don’t Fall Off

Good morning all!

We should at this point have gotten our Valentine’s Day our of our systems and continue on showing love to the ones in our lives daily.  If you didn’t have the Valentine’s Day you wanted I get it, at this point, refocus from this one day and find ways to use self-care to get through.  You still have other days ahead that are going to need your attention.and dwelling on that one day past the 24 hours that followed means that you are allowing this to overtake you.

I wanted to do something different today to have a check in of sorts but instead of highlighting my highs and lows, let’s just talk about various aspects of our mental health.  One this has NOTHING to do with the allegations of mental abuse with the recent school shooting.  As much as I know mental disease played a part in it, I am one for calling a spade a spade and say that premeditated homicide is a different type of beast.  That is a blog for a different day.  However I send prayer and love to the community of Parkland and pray that with prayers, we have an action plan in place and sooner than later.  I am one for prayer but faith without works is dead, we need action.

Love Life

All of us regardless of where we are need to heal and have some closures in a few places.  Let me be clear that this has NOTHING to do with your tax status. A hurting heart will not heal from a wedding ring.  I know we have been conditioned to believe that marriage is the answer to love woes but it’s actually not. Marriage is like having a constant mirror walking around.  A lot of wounds that you haven’t dealt with will come up during marriage.  So if you are looking for marriage to complete you, this is misguided thinking.   It will not.  It will make you face yourself.  The issue with having someone to face yourself is that not all marriages are strong enough for the depth of junk that people bring into them. So I would suggest that you work on the things that you need before.

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Also there are some folks that would rather be single.  There is nothing wrong with that.  That’s not different then the folks that don’t want to be parents.  Your life, your choice.  Just be sure that wherever you want love not to go down the wrong path.  If you constantly see a pattern in whom you are choosing, don’t blame the people you dated, take accountability.  Remember self-care and self-love go hand in hand in your love journey it’s not something to attempt to do after you have entangled someone with you.  Also have a plan or list that you have in the back of your mind but make the non negotiable things that deal with character above physical in your mind especially if you are dating and looking.  I know women who have these laundry lists of their wants and needs and they are superficial to say the least.  Often times they don’t take character into play.  If you have a good-looking liar, you aren’t winning.  However you should be attracted to the person you are with.  So balance it!

Friendships/Sister Friends

I am in the process of weeding out a few bad apples. I find myself doing this often.  As I take accountability for my own actions one of the actions is my actions for friendships. It doesn’t matter how long I have been friends with them either.  Zero passes need to be given.  Since I have gotten older, my desires have changed.  With that some friendships were great for the phase of life I WAS in but not for where I am now nor for where I am headed.  With that in mind let’s cut away the leech friends.  The ones who have zero problems taking but do not ever give.  It’s not cool and as everyone is working on themselves the excuses has to stop.  You can have a million and one excuses but if you are out here being a bad friend, own it  and decide do you really want to change?  If yes then do so if not then be honest and let the friendship fizzle out.  Also friends shouldn’t get so comfortable that you take friendship for granted.  This means thank you, and please go a long way.  I think above all we have to remember that when we deal with others in general.  You’re not so much of my sis that you can forget that.

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We want to be connected but having bad connections is bad for your life in general.  Oh and be extremely leery of these friendship circles.  I was invited to one that I accepted because I know they are about building up.  But I declined one because it was really about selling stuff.  Listen, sis I love to shop but I am also on team savings too.  I want to help you build your brand but you can’t fill my inbox with let’s make money quick schemes and have me stay.  Not one time was it about praying, lifting another one up, or even about making sure everyone felt loved and secure.  I pass on these types all the time. This was one of the major pushes for cleaning up my social media.  I had way too many groups talking about helping that turned into everyone thinking they knew everything, let’s talk crap about another sister, or finding out the tea in someone’s life.  I got a healthy life, so I don’t have much time for the foolishness. I spend more time with solid relationships, my family, going to church, self-care and the gym that’s plenty for me.

Self-Care

What have you done this week for you?  Literally I found that I was super agitated more this week wondering if and why someone else hadn’t poured into me.  Totally selfish of me but it happened. One thing to note is never do anything for anyone and look for something in return.  The second thing that it showed me is that I lacked something that is within myself and I sought after that instead of wasting time being upset at someone else.  I have what I need inside of me. Do not tax others to do for you what you wont do for you.  It’s that simple.  Self care comes from various sources from free to lavish. You find where you can and what you can and you do it.  You really should be finding something you can do for you daily not just weekly.  If you have gotten to this Friday and can’t name one thing you did for yourself that made you better, than you have some catching up to do.  Ladies and gentlemen, self-care is not an option its a must.

Health

I can not stress enough getting ALL of your tests done.  Have you made an eye appt?  What about a gynecological exam?  No physical?  No follow-ups done either?  What in the real world are you waiting for?  You do realize that putting it off will not make anything go away?  Be vigilant about your health and what you want.  Be vigilant in making sure that you will be here in the future.  Go and be seen.  There is no reason to have something sneak up on you when we have the technology to do something about it.We need to make sure that our health is fully taken care of. How active are you?  How many hours a week are you putting into an active lifestyle?  Have you substituted the stairs for the elevators, maybe do a work out tape or a free YouTube exercise instead of constantly sitting in front of the television?  Maybe substituted a bad snack for a better healthier option?  Whatever you are not doing, let’s change that.  Let’s get up and move a bit.  Sitting is the new smoking so let’s end these bad habits and do it now.

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This has been an interesting week to say the least and remember it’s February so all the hoopla from the New Year’s wears off this month.  Don’t let the momentum stop you.  Renew your mindset and refocus on your goals.  Don’t let this super short month get you.  I know even with the flu it was hard to recommit but I did it and so can you.  Bad habits only last as long as you want them.  Good habits can do the same.  Make yourself a priority.

So I am hoping that with everything that is going on personally and professionally that you find a way to recommit to having the best life you can. No things aren’t perfect but you can have a better life if you make the right choices.  Sometimes those choices mean that you may need to say no, turn a few things off, say no to a few invitations and maybe even cut off a few along the way, but whatever it is that you need to do, do it and do it well!

 

Weekly Recap: January 19, 2018

Is anybody other than me still struggling with writing 2018?  I don’t know why I am but I am.  It seems so weird to say but we are all the way into the New Year. One of the things that I can’t wait to do is to continue to enjoy. I don’t want a lot of things I could have done, I want to look back and say I did.

Personal Goals:

I was able to finally book my solo trip. I had been debating if I was going to open this trip up to friends but I decided to do it on my own.  Everything in the world that I have read have all confirmed this trip.  Shout out to Demetria Lucas who I look up to so much who talked about tips on traveling alone recently.  This was after I had booked the trip.  Trips alone for me are something I want to add and luckily I can cross that off of my list for this year.  I will blog it once I am back but that wont be until April.  Just know where I will be going will be sun and heat.  I can’t stand this cold it’s getting on my nerves so in the mean time I will just envision myself there.

Shout out to my cousin Thalia who had the most amazing Sweet Sixteen.  It was great to be able to hang out with family to dance, drink, and eat.  Thalia is such a hard working young lady with the grades to prove it. I pray that as you continue in your walk that you get smarter, stronger, and make a beautiful mark in this world!

Go Eagles

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The Eagles won! That was a major game. Although we didn’t get to see the game, it was definitely great to hear that they had pulled the W! This weekend we will see if the Eagles has what it takes to make it to the Super Bowl!

As far as workouts I did the damn thing this week! I gave myself a rest day yesterday since I worked out everyday.  It feels good to know that I also have some fitness plans coming up in my weekend!

Shout out to my oldest daughter who got Peacemaker award at her school.

Blog Goals

Thank you to everyone who continues to read and support. It’s a blessing to do what you love.  If you have missed any blogs you may want to catch up ToiTimeBlog

This week we covered a lot of Ask Toi questions as well as talked on the life of Dr. King.  Today I even posted about a time where I was drowning in depression, self-pity, and etc and had to learn how to pull myself out of that.  So shout out to all of those who feel like there is only one string left and you are still holding on.  It doesn’t feel good in the fight but once you come out if you learn the lesson you can combat whatever comes your way applying some new-found skills!

What’s Coming Up for ToiTime?

One I’m continuing to crush these work outs and good eating.  What you eat is important as what you do with your body.  I am working on getting my runs aka 5K set for the year.  I also working on attending one blog conference this year as well.  So if you didn’t know we are traveling and doing more events this year.

In addition a new month is upon us, February.  The month of love. As always I plan to talk to my singles who seem to get missed in this month and give you some survival skills as this month takes a toll on those who desire to be with someone and are not.  It’s a real life feeling that when you have someone you tend to forget.

Also early this year I need to work on those ladies who want to shine a light on a part of their life that they overcame. I need women from all walks of life and backgrounds.  Don’t worry I do all of the work and all I need you to do is be open, willing and transparent.  I think so far I have written some honorable pieces. This will come out in March but I need to do all of my interviewing now.  If you are interested let me know by sending me an email to toitimeblog@gmail.com

 

Thanks, until next time-find something that you are passionate about or something that makes you happy and do it well!