Thank you to the wonderful women who answered the call to be interviewed. It takes a lot to open up about who you are. You are who you are and this process can be a little intimidating. Thank you to all of my volunteers. As women we all have unique situations that vary but collectively we go through much of the same things. Not just for this month or for the #METOO movement, let’s all bond as one.
Good morning all!
We should at this point have gotten our Valentine’s Day our of our systems and continue on showing love to the ones in our lives daily. If you didn’t have the Valentine’s Day you wanted I get it, at this point, refocus from this one day and find ways to use self-care to get through. You still have other days ahead that are going to need your attention.and dwelling on that one day past the 24 hours that followed means that you are allowing this to overtake you.
I wanted to do something different today to have a check in of sorts but instead of highlighting my highs and lows, let’s just talk about various aspects of our mental health. One this has NOTHING to do with the allegations of mental abuse with the recent school shooting. As much as I know mental disease played a part in it, I am one for calling a spade a spade and say that premeditated homicide is a different type of beast. That is a blog for a different day. However I send prayer and love to the community of Parkland and pray that with prayers, we have an action plan in place and sooner than later. I am one for prayer but faith without works is dead, we need action.
All of us regardless of where we are need to heal and have some closures in a few places. Let me be clear that this has NOTHING to do with your tax status. A hurting heart will not heal from a wedding ring. I know we have been conditioned to believe that marriage is the answer to love woes but it’s actually not. Marriage is like having a constant mirror walking around. A lot of wounds that you haven’t dealt with will come up during marriage. So if you are looking for marriage to complete you, this is misguided thinking. It will not. It will make you face yourself. The issue with having someone to face yourself is that not all marriages are strong enough for the depth of junk that people bring into them. So I would suggest that you work on the things that you need before.
Also there are some folks that would rather be single. There is nothing wrong with that. That’s not different then the folks that don’t want to be parents. Your life, your choice. Just be sure that wherever you want love not to go down the wrong path. If you constantly see a pattern in whom you are choosing, don’t blame the people you dated, take accountability. Remember self-care and self-love go hand in hand in your love journey it’s not something to attempt to do after you have entangled someone with you. Also have a plan or list that you have in the back of your mind but make the non negotiable things that deal with character above physical in your mind especially if you are dating and looking. I know women who have these laundry lists of their wants and needs and they are superficial to say the least. Often times they don’t take character into play. If you have a good-looking liar, you aren’t winning. However you should be attracted to the person you are with. So balance it!
I am in the process of weeding out a few bad apples. I find myself doing this often. As I take accountability for my own actions one of the actions is my actions for friendships. It doesn’t matter how long I have been friends with them either. Zero passes need to be given. Since I have gotten older, my desires have changed. With that some friendships were great for the phase of life I WAS in but not for where I am now nor for where I am headed. With that in mind let’s cut away the leech friends. The ones who have zero problems taking but do not ever give. It’s not cool and as everyone is working on themselves the excuses has to stop. You can have a million and one excuses but if you are out here being a bad friend, own it and decide do you really want to change? If yes then do so if not then be honest and let the friendship fizzle out. Also friends shouldn’t get so comfortable that you take friendship for granted. This means thank you, and please go a long way. I think above all we have to remember that when we deal with others in general. You’re not so much of my sis that you can forget that.
We want to be connected but having bad connections is bad for your life in general. Oh and be extremely leery of these friendship circles. I was invited to one that I accepted because I know they are about building up. But I declined one because it was really about selling stuff. Listen, sis I love to shop but I am also on team savings too. I want to help you build your brand but you can’t fill my inbox with let’s make money quick schemes and have me stay. Not one time was it about praying, lifting another one up, or even about making sure everyone felt loved and secure. I pass on these types all the time. This was one of the major pushes for cleaning up my social media. I had way too many groups talking about helping that turned into everyone thinking they knew everything, let’s talk crap about another sister, or finding out the tea in someone’s life. I got a healthy life, so I don’t have much time for the foolishness. I spend more time with solid relationships, my family, going to church, self-care and the gym that’s plenty for me.
What have you done this week for you? Literally I found that I was super agitated more this week wondering if and why someone else hadn’t poured into me. Totally selfish of me but it happened. One thing to note is never do anything for anyone and look for something in return. The second thing that it showed me is that I lacked something that is within myself and I sought after that instead of wasting time being upset at someone else. I have what I need inside of me. Do not tax others to do for you what you wont do for you. It’s that simple. Self care comes from various sources from free to lavish. You find where you can and what you can and you do it. You really should be finding something you can do for you daily not just weekly. If you have gotten to this Friday and can’t name one thing you did for yourself that made you better, than you have some catching up to do. Ladies and gentlemen, self-care is not an option its a must.
I can not stress enough getting ALL of your tests done. Have you made an eye appt? What about a gynecological exam? No physical? No follow-ups done either? What in the real world are you waiting for? You do realize that putting it off will not make anything go away? Be vigilant about your health and what you want. Be vigilant in making sure that you will be here in the future. Go and be seen. There is no reason to have something sneak up on you when we have the technology to do something about it.We need to make sure that our health is fully taken care of. How active are you? How many hours a week are you putting into an active lifestyle? Have you substituted the stairs for the elevators, maybe do a work out tape or a free YouTube exercise instead of constantly sitting in front of the television? Maybe substituted a bad snack for a better healthier option? Whatever you are not doing, let’s change that. Let’s get up and move a bit. Sitting is the new smoking so let’s end these bad habits and do it now.
This has been an interesting week to say the least and remember it’s February so all the hoopla from the New Year’s wears off this month. Don’t let the momentum stop you. Renew your mindset and refocus on your goals. Don’t let this super short month get you. I know even with the flu it was hard to recommit but I did it and so can you. Bad habits only last as long as you want them. Good habits can do the same. Make yourself a priority.
So I am hoping that with everything that is going on personally and professionally that you find a way to recommit to having the best life you can. No things aren’t perfect but you can have a better life if you make the right choices. Sometimes those choices mean that you may need to say no, turn a few things off, say no to a few invitations and maybe even cut off a few along the way, but whatever it is that you need to do, do it and do it well!
Is anybody other than me still struggling with writing 2018? I don’t know why I am but I am. It seems so weird to say but we are all the way into the New Year. One of the things that I can’t wait to do is to continue to enjoy. I don’t want a lot of things I could have done, I want to look back and say I did.
I was able to finally book my solo trip. I had been debating if I was going to open this trip up to friends but I decided to do it on my own. Everything in the world that I have read have all confirmed this trip. Shout out to Demetria Lucas who I look up to so much who talked about tips on traveling alone recently. This was after I had booked the trip. Trips alone for me are something I want to add and luckily I can cross that off of my list for this year. I will blog it once I am back but that wont be until April. Just know where I will be going will be sun and heat. I can’t stand this cold it’s getting on my nerves so in the mean time I will just envision myself there.
Shout out to my cousin Thalia who had the most amazing Sweet Sixteen. It was great to be able to hang out with family to dance, drink, and eat. Thalia is such a hard working young lady with the grades to prove it. I pray that as you continue in your walk that you get smarter, stronger, and make a beautiful mark in this world!
The Eagles won! That was a major game. Although we didn’t get to see the game, it was definitely great to hear that they had pulled the W! This weekend we will see if the Eagles has what it takes to make it to the Super Bowl!
As far as workouts I did the damn thing this week! I gave myself a rest day yesterday since I worked out everyday. It feels good to know that I also have some fitness plans coming up in my weekend!
Shout out to my oldest daughter who got Peacemaker award at her school.
Thank you to everyone who continues to read and support. It’s a blessing to do what you love. If you have missed any blogs you may want to catch up ToiTimeBlog
This week we covered a lot of Ask Toi questions as well as talked on the life of Dr. King. Today I even posted about a time where I was drowning in depression, self-pity, and etc and had to learn how to pull myself out of that. So shout out to all of those who feel like there is only one string left and you are still holding on. It doesn’t feel good in the fight but once you come out if you learn the lesson you can combat whatever comes your way applying some new-found skills!
What’s Coming Up for ToiTime?
One I’m continuing to crush these work outs and good eating. What you eat is important as what you do with your body. I am working on getting my runs aka 5K set for the year. I also working on attending one blog conference this year as well. So if you didn’t know we are traveling and doing more events this year.
In addition a new month is upon us, February. The month of love. As always I plan to talk to my singles who seem to get missed in this month and give you some survival skills as this month takes a toll on those who desire to be with someone and are not. It’s a real life feeling that when you have someone you tend to forget.
Also early this year I need to work on those ladies who want to shine a light on a part of their life that they overcame. I need women from all walks of life and backgrounds. Don’t worry I do all of the work and all I need you to do is be open, willing and transparent. I think so far I have written some honorable pieces. This will come out in March but I need to do all of my interviewing now. If you are interested let me know by sending me an email to email@example.com
Thanks, until next time-find something that you are passionate about or something that makes you happy and do it well!
I usually give a weekly recap but I was off from my daytime job on Friday and spent some time getting some things in order as well as attended some activities with my kids. So let’s recap:
So I am happy to report that after having my surgery I got a clean bill of health. I also found out that my blood has restored itself, is healthy and I am no longer anemic. Let me insert a praise break for that news right there.
I have STRUGGLED with anemia since I started getting a cycle. I have had so many complications and I never would have dreamed of this day. But it is here and I am over the moon excited. It’s a great feeling to have your health on point and it only took almost my whole life to get it there. I am grateful for that!
As many as you know I went to the Together Live 2017 conference and had a time. You can catch up on that blog as it’s already posted. We celebrated my mother in law and it was just somber. All of the emotions of the year before were so fresh. I personally remember the events and hold my kids close to me. We do NOT know our time and I would hate to not think I was giving them all I could everyday. I am super honored and humbled by my husband’s strength. I also had a great weekend with my husband. We were able to get out and enjoy some time together adulting. As promised I am sharing this year’s costume so you can see the difference in what a year looks like. We are still not finished yet. We are taking active roles in eating right, working out, and being intentional in our goals. So yes it takes work. I was over 250 in the second pic to my now of almost to my 150 goal. Thats a lot of weight to come off but I did it the right way, no short cuts.
This year’s costume:
Compared to last year’s costume:
Huge difference in weight for both of us and our overall health. We are out here trying to live our best lives.
So in case you missed you blogged about: Sunday’s message-don’t duplicate someone else’s shine, Monday push through, wait your turn, the cold weather depression, 30 years in the making, an Ask Toi about apologizing to a co-worker, Together Live 2017, Never Forgotten, and lastly Sunday Message-Complaints do nothing. A lot huh? Absolutely. We are out here blogging that’s for sure. There is always something for everyone. So to catch up, click the link; ToiTime Blogs
What’s Coming Up for ToiTime?
I will be attending this weekend the Starry Night which is an organization that helps in raising money for kids with brain cancers. I would hope that no child would ever have to go through cancer of any for let alone brain cancer. So if you would like to donate to the walk, you can; Starry Night 2017
I will be adding other conferences and events as we get closer.
The biggest thing that is coming up is my blogiversary. Yes 3 years this November. I will be posting contests so please stay tuned to my ToiTime Facebook page. All announcements on prizes and games will be on the Facebook page alone! Only announcements of winners may be on the blog.
I hope you have a great week! Happy Halloween to all who celebrate it. Please be safe! Google places to actually scan your kids candy. They exist. Please wear reflective gear when you travel and try to travel in groups. Check your kids’ candy!
The best way to jump-start is to start. Yes seems simple but can be super hard. The biggest reason it’s so hard to do is your mind guilt trips you. So you play the start tomorrow game. Tomorrow comes and you start the next day. A week has passed and then before you know it a month, and then a year….You are still at the same weight or worse you are at the same weight. So don’t start later, start now.
So if you are contemplating if you should start today, that answer is wrong its called start now. You can really do a number on your psyche by literally listing everything wrong you ate. Even if its 7pm you still have time to make better decisions. Own your guilt. Know you made a bad choice in what you consumed and literally make the very next decision better. So instead of harping on the Snickers you ate, the next thing you consume could be a piece of fruit and some water. It’s really that simple. Don’t go and eat that donut after the Snickers and then say oh well what’s done is done. You are in control of what you eat. Trust me you want to master this now, before the holidays come in and by New Years you will be defeated making another New Years Resolution that you can be attacking now before 2018 even hits.
Here are a few tips in getting started right away:
- Own your food-write it down. You can use a notebook or an app but write it down. The more you own it and can see what damages you are doing the better at fixing it.
- Change what you are consuming right away. Replace, replace, replace. If you really love something so bad you feel that you must have it, than replace it with a much healthier version. For some it may be taking a king size to a bite size and truly sticking to the smaller size. Or it could be finding healthier ingredients to achieve the same purpose. I have a sweet tooth so to combat that especially with things like ice-cream I choose Halo Top and add fresh fruit instead of chocolate candies and syrups, and only scoop out enough for a cup. The replacement is to calm the sweet tooth but not having to eat all of the small pint in one sitting. Also not eating out of the Halo Top container helps me control the portion.
- Switch up your workouts. I used to only rely on cardio, and cardio is good but adding weights and resistance is good too. Variety also is necessary to achieve any goal. Your body will get used to the same ole thing and if you switch it up, it tricks the body into performing at its best. This is why you see people talk about leg day vs arms. It’s all in the switch up.
- Get good music. Yes music is life. After while even with the shuffle feature you have to be able to make multiple changes to your workout music to get in done.
- Wear tighter clothes when you work out even if you can’t wear tighter clothes in real life. When I first started Weight Watchers they instructed or at least my coach told us to wear form-fitting or tighter clothes. The reason, you see every lump and bump. If that don’t motivate you, nothing will. Wearing bigger clothes only makes you look that much more bigger. You can’t hide under baggy clothes. So for the first few weeks I looked horrible but I was out of the plus size clothes that were drowning me anyway. After time of wearing the clothes got so big I almost lost my pants at work and had to make a make shift belt. That gave me a boost that was unbelievable and I kept on going.
- Get an accountability partner. Mine is my girl Kyla. She is a beast when it comes to working out. I hope to be like her when I grow up. In all seriousness, she literally pushes me because as she posts her videos and we video chat each other it reinforces the idea that for me to push past an excuse.
- Get Consistent-make the choice to love yourself enough to do it. It may seem small but do it. You are important for you not to fit in clothes, not just to look better, but because the world needs less of you in a better way. Every time I left my Weight Watchers meetings, my coach would say, see less of you next week. It wasn’t encouraging us to not come, it was encouraging us to bring less of ourselves the next week. The classes have ended but I still have another fitness coach that comes and weighs me weekly. This accountability is crucial for me to maintain.
- Know you can build in cheat days. This is good so you don’t diet. I am not for full dieting. I am for healthier lifestyle changes. At this point I know how many points I am eating for most of my items but I also know that every now and again I got to eat a little something I enjoy but just in smaller portions. I realized that some people will throw caution to the wind when they have cheat days. You can have in moderation what you want.
- Start now-I will keep saying this but the time to start is now. For me now it’s almost the end of my day, I have been eating the things I needed to but lets say I hadn’t. At dinner I can control what I ate, start with that since that would be my next meal. Not stop at McDonald’s on my way home, get fries and start tomorrow. Just make a change now!
- Change what you have around you. Eating healthy is expensive. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t. I could get me a 4 for $4 and be in hamburger heaven at Wendy’s but to go to Fresh Grocer and spend 20 on fresh veggies, fruit, etc. I am always having to buy more to get more out of what I eat. However the benefits out weights my debit card swipes. If I add up my Starbucks trips over the years I could have been in model shape by now.
- Cut the excuse. I can say its easier for me to work out during my lunch time because my gym is attached to my job. However when that wasn’t an option I could use YouTube or my kids as weights. Yes, you have to be creative but if you want to look different from its time to get moving and make it count. So if that means waiting for your family to go down to get down and get that work out in, do it. If that means getting up at the crack of dawn, get it done. Especially for those making excuses before the Winter comes. All this fresh Fall air and not one workout will be done and then Winter comes and it’s too cold. You will always have an excuse if that’s all you accept from yourself. It’s too cold, too hot, your too tired, you don’t have time, you need a partner, you can’t do some of the workouts, you are too big, can’t do big gyms, can’t do little gyms, how about accepting that the only word that is lost in translation is YOU. You can be your biggest cheerleader or your biggest hinderance. Choose wisely
SO today, right now, make a decision. It only takes one step towards bigger steps. It takes some moving things around but you can do it. The sad part is if you learned how to eat better even if you didn’t work out, you would lose the weight you wanted to. I mean not just changing a few things in your diet, but literally controlling how much or what you put in your mouth would change your life. I mean that in all ways….. Change RIGHT NOW!!
So yesterday I didn’t get a chance to blog. Okay, so I just didn’t. Mainly because I was having a bad day and secondly after having a bad day I just wanted to go to sleep. So let me tell you how this day had me about to grab my gym bag and no not to hit the gym but to swing.
Anyone who has ever been in a fight, when a girl grabs her bag that means she’s about to suit up to do some damage. That was how I felt because I was all in my feelings. All week I was super excited to see my doctor for my appointment. I was ready to see all the positive from a year ago. Now it was positive until we got on the topic of my belly and this past surgery. I guess because losing the weight isn’t an issue the issue is more the swelly belly. I love when I wake up and I am all the way on. Belly looking flat flat and my body looking good in my clothes. UNTIL, the day I wake up and look like I was carrying a secret love child and then I am not feeling it. Well during my appointment I was seen by a male student who I tried to explain how I felt and he gave me the most distant stare. I was looking like really, engage, care, offer tips, do something but NOPE! He just stared at me like I had 3 breasts.
Let’s back it up to earlier in the day I had to professionally tell someone off. I consider myself to be queen of the go off but in certain arenas you have to behave accordingly. Well I did that until the other person went left and I had to bring them back to reality. So I was still fuming from that interaction, the student doctor was blind and not getting it, and the night before I had gotten into an argument with my husband over trash. Yes over a trash can-lawd save all the trash cans lids in our community Jesus! So at this point I am at take my earrings off mood. So I did what any responsible adult would do, I just took a deep breath rolled my eyes at the student doctor, and waited for my doctor to come in. As soon as she saw me she said what’s wrong. I put my husband on hold, put the student doctor on hold, put the day on hold, and told her how I felt about all of this process since the surgery. I don’t think I had verbally talked about it until yesterday. Yes I blogged about it and mostly on the physical stuff but now its been 3 months and a little over 2 on these hormone replacement therapy patches and I needed to let it out. This was my chance. This was the time.
I told her the truth. I felt emotionally fine. I didn’t feel like I had gotten out of control these days. However there are some days when I will get a rash, or itch so bad that I want to peel my own skin off. The swelly belly and having to be super extra careful of what I consume is a lot. I feel like there is an inward pressure from myself to get my belly back down and hope it stays down. This is an ongoing battle that NO ONE told me about when I talked about the surgery. She smiled and gave me a hug. She explained about the belly swells is my body’s way of saying cut back. Not just on what I eat, but what I am doing. Cut back. She said that I have artificial hormones that is making me feel emotional even though I think I am fine. The belly is not permanent. The weight is not an issue. She let me know that I am still healing. In my head, I should be over this by now. However sadly I am not. She also let me know that the hormones is the culprit for the belly and that is normal to go up and down for about a year. A year I really was hoping that was a myth that I heard about before. But nope its like having a baby they say come back to work in 6-8 weeks but it can take up to a year to get your life back under control.
So the student said he didn’t see that it was troubling me. He based that on the fact that the scale showed the great weight loss from the year before. I talked to him about different cues he can take even from a difficult patient like I had been. I told him scale victories are awesome but I am also looking for off scale victories too. I met with my grumpy intruder that I had to set straight and they apologized to me. Reality is they were dumping their issues on me like I was attempting to do in the doctor’s office. The difference between me and the doctor is that the doctor’s office was a safe place and on me that could get you a two piece and a biscuit and I ain’t talking food.
I had to go home, not pick up the kids and get myself together. I went into full busy mode and finally I was able to relax. I was able to get it together. I’m still going to continue to do all the things I have been doing. But I guess I will have to be a little less strict on myself and let myself heal through the belly swell, and eventually all things will come into place. So if you see me in the streets and my belly is a little big just smile don’t worry the next time you see me it may or may have decided to do its thing. Who knows!