Recommitment 2017

So May is over. It’s been a great month for me but it’s time to get new goals for June. Another thing happening this June is we are officially at the half way mark to ending 2017. Time is flying. We are coming into a new season.

As we jump into this second half of the year what have you done with the first half? Looking for a new job? How many applications and interviews have you been on? Looking to end love but in the name of not being alone have you cut off the old draining love? Nope, he or she is still there? Looking for new love but haven’t stepped out to enjoy yours? Want to travel but haven’t even applied for a passport? Want to lose weight but won’t even work out at home on free YouTube channels? See the one main ingredient that is missing is action.

We all love to talk. We talk about dreams but won’t make the first step towards them. New Year’s Eve night and you will have a new set of things to do but haven’t put energy to at least begin the set you are supposed to be working on now. I know you have excuses we all do but the only person who hurts from uncompleted goals is you. It’s one thing to be working hard towards goals and not measure up but you can’t even begin to even complain if you have done nothing.

So what you gonna do? Simply dream? Simply talk? Just hope things just line up? Let me know how that works out for you. Anything you want takes work. It’s going to take effort. So let’s step it up. No more dreams without a plan. Be realistic in your plan. Start with one work out day. Change what you eat, pack your food for your day if you are serious about losing weight. Fill out 5 applications a day if you’re looking for a job or a better one. Call a recruiter and ask the questions and set up a tour if you want to go back to school? All of this requires energy and action.

We say year after year how this is our year but you really can’t believe it if you don’t work towards it. I blogged and stand by the premise that if you put half the energy you put into others around you-you would be a better person trust me on it. You can be a better person by working on your inside than out. So in this new month-take a step and leap.

Do you really want it that bad? Prove it to yourself.

  1. Write it out. What is your vision?
  2. Research what it will take. If it’s money needed how much. Do you have a gift or talent that can help you make the money to get there? Do it. Get you a jar, decorate it and save towards it.
  3. Clear your mind. You can’t make space with new things still holding onto the old stuff. 

  4. Get around like minded people who already doing it. Get a mentor.

    So you have things to do. You don’t have time to sit around watching the world be great. You don’t have time to babysit what everyone else is doing. Time to make it happen. Recommit to you!! Invest in you.


    Birthday Message: Toibration 36 Years Young!

    So finally today is the day.  It is my birthday.  Anytime you can wake up on the side of the living is a blessing.  Older people look forward to seeing a new birthday while younger people act as if it is a dread.  Perspective tells you to be grateful for any time you have as it is borrowed.  Today I am grateful for my 36 years.  I have had many times in my life where I have been close to death.  I am grateful for the time I can spend making my dreams come true and being with loved ones.

    I am truly blessed that this year has me pushing the limits a bit.  I set out on a journey of self-love this year and I am reaping the benefits.  If I can’t love myself than the love I have for others isn’t pure.  Loving on me more has allowed me to block out distraction.  I am no longer in competition with anyone else but me.  I wake up and speak positivity over myself daily.  I am not a love guru I just got tired of speaking negative thoughts of not being enough, being overweight, not cute enough, all of the things I tell my girls not to do to themselves.  I know that some people have the do as I say mentality but I am my children’s mirror.  What I show them by example is important.  I can’t be trying on clothes and talking bad about myself but tell my daughter to be strong and confident and I wasn’t.  I started addressing my issues.

    I first looked on the inside. I was unhappy.  I could fix my weight any day but if I can’t work on being happy what is the point.  I would seemingly just find something else to be an issue.  So I began to journal hard.  When I felt unhappy what was the reason?  I noticed the pattern wasn’t in any event but how I processed how I thought about the event.  How much I allowed my anxiety take over.  These are not easy tasks.  I set out to find a way to turn each thought around.  I am not saying I am totally fixed and I walk around with happiness juice pouring off of me in an annoying way, but I can get through the day and have a better outlook.

    When I look in the mirror I love what I see.  I just don’t tolerate myself.  I don’t speak negatively about myself.  I am not looking at my thighs and having issues.  Not just because I lost weight but because I realize that whatever shape I am in, can change and I am fine in my own skin. This year will definitely be better than last year in the sense that I am ready to continue in this love walk.  I encourage others to do the same.  Let me also warn you that once you begin your journey you may not lose friends or family but your relationships with them will change.  It’s then that you will see how people really view you.  Remember there are some who benefit to see you all sad, down, and miserable. Once you change that they won’t be receptive to the “new” you.  It will hurt.  You will be disappointed but grateful that it happened. Shine on anyway…No one can stop your shine but you!!

    As always let me end by shouting out my twin sister, Tierra.  I had the honor of coming into the world with my own womb partner, sister, and friend by choice!! Love you and happy birthday!!

    And as promised I am about 5 pounds to goal so the featured photo to this blog both at the top were taken at various points of my weight.  My highest weight in December was 190.  I am currently at 155.  So that is a good dip and I am very proud of it! I didn’t want to be the same size as I was after the birth of my youngest who by the way is 3.  You know how women say it’s baby weight but the kids is like 12, that is what I was doing. However with hard work, and dedication I have definitely improved the outside as much as I have improved the inside. I can definitely now give my kids a run for their money. My energy is definitely up.  I can handle going to the gym 3 days a week.  I am eating better.  I have made a lifestyle change instead of only a summer time fine change.  I want to be life time fine.  I have people who depend on me and most importantly I depend on myself.

    Huge shout out to all of my friends and family. I really am touched by the special and unique gifts that have all been super personal.  Thanks for the emails, texts, calls, time spent-all of it.  I am smiling hard today.  Thank you to my ToiTime followers as well!!

    So I will be on all of my social media spots today.  I will be enjoying this day to the fullest. If you can’t celebrate you no one will right?  Toibration continues….

     

     

     

    Weigh In: 04/26/2017

    So I told you all I would keep you updated with my blog.  So with those sentiments let’s dive right in.  I am doing Weight Watchers which uses a series of points assigned to food to help you manage your life.  So I have 30 points a day and 35 cheat points that I use a week.  So I did my weigh in and I am down another 3.2 pounds.  That’s great news as I am so super close to my ultimate goal I can taste it.

    This week and most weeks I noticed the more I eat normally meaning taking good care to be within my points but still enjoy eating the more I lose.  Now let me make a statement right now before I began what I do doesn’t mean I am sending out a message that you can do what you want and still lose weight.  You can’t.  You have to be able to be disciplined but still allow for yourself to be you.  I feel that is what I have been able to achieve and thus far I have lost 35.2 pound to date.  So do I deprive myself? Nope.  I work out and I work out hard.  I also stick to the plan.  I use my points wisely.  I go out to eat and I drink wine and clutch your pearls I’ve even had a Unicorn frappuccino.  See it’s not just what you eat its how much and how often.  I splurge my points for what I want.  I eat like I am supposed to and incorporate more fruits and veggies.  It works for me.

    So I don’t allow other people to dictate to me what I should do.  I paid to do a program to change my life and it has.  I do not let folks and their “knowledge” dictate to me what I should do.  What I eat won’t make you fat.  I am not interested in fads that don’t teach me how to change my lifestyle.  This is why I don’t like diets that have shakes and meals you must buy.  One they are super expensive.  Secondly as soon as you get tired of doing the shakes and meals you go right back to where you started.  I am doing what I am doing to be healthier first and to look better in my clothes. I want to wear the clothes I want to wear and not the ones I have no choice to wear.  So if you’re looking to change do what works for you.  Eat in moderation.  I love donuts I had one last week too.  However I adjusted my eating and didn’t slack on my workouts because I was too tired.  Anything worth having takes hard work to achieve it.

    I am getting close to my birthday and that is around the time I will hopefully have met my goal or be as close as I humanely can to the goal.  I can’t wait to share with you.  The goal of my sharing my journey is to help  someone else see that yes I eat real food.  Yes I enjoy food.  I just don’t let food consume me.  I no longer eat my emotions.  I no longer eat and make excuses that don’t serve me.  I am not a “gym rat.”  I do practical work outs at the gym 2-3 days a week while at my full-time job.  When I can’t and my schedule gets tights I work out at home and use my kids as weights.  They enjoy it and I need it.  If all else fails than I go to YouTube for free workouts but I get it in.  I’ll check back in soon but this is the journey I am on to a better me on the outside as I work my inside.

    Let’s Get Physical, Physical

    Got the song in your head now?  You should.  It’s time to move.  We discussed the reasons why physical movement can help to cut down the physical stress.  So let’s figure out some fun ways to make it happen.

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    Let’s keep it real I am a full-time mom, wife, I have a full time job and in between life and balance it isn’t easy.  My work outs do not ever look the same day-to-day or even week to week.  So what are the ways you can increase your physical activity?

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    1. Move-yes if you work you can go to the bathroom on different floors, take the stairs, do some chair exercises.  Whatever you choose to do, move.  Sitting is the new smoking so you can’t afford to just sit all day.  Even if you are one who isn’t all into the gym, you can’t deny how much better your mood and your joints feel after some movement.
    2. Take a lesson-this is the best time now that the weather is breaking to take a class.  If you don’t know how to swim take a lesson.  Want to take a class you were too scared to take before or used the cold of the winter as your excuse, dump the excuse and take a class.  Taking a class aids in your healthy well-being as well as it can be a great way to network.
    3. Get involved-there are a lot of ways you can get things done in your community.  If you feel the opportunity isn’t there what better way than to create it?  Get out and motivate others.  While doing this you can help your physical and mental being as well as get involved and meet some dynamic people.
    4. Form groups-it doesn’t even need to be something super elaborate.  It could be a walking club.  Get a few or more of you together that can share in a common goal and walk.  It’s that simple.  No money involved and super easy that will only require some time and some dedication.
    5. Love -did you know that the more and your new boo or your old boo work out together and get involved in an activity that it helps in your relationship and takes stress away to the max.  No one pushes buttons together like a couple.  So if you find something you can do together its an automatic win.  Don’t want to go out?  How about fixing things in your home together?  You get to move about, get things done, and the both of you can connect, argue, and love your way to the completion of your task.
    6. Dance-you can burn a lot of calories dancing the night away.  You don’t have to be the best dancer either.  If you live alone, turn the music up and get in the zone.  You can pretend to be any dancer or entertainer you want to be and have a great time doing it.

    It’s time to get out and enjoy your life.  A few things I do to get moving:

    1. Soul Cycle-you can read both of my blogs on my experience.  I am not a pro but I definitely can say I am so much better than before.
    2. Free-yes I use YouTube to my advantage when I can’t get out of my house.  I do not allow too much time to elapse where no physical activity is going down but nothing makes me smile more than a free YouTube video work out.
    3. Gym-I do still try to do at least bare minimal 2 days at the gym.  I typically get my 3 days in since I do my workouts during my lunch time at work, shower, and then continue with my day.
    4. Use my kids-do you know how solid my kids are?  Them little nuggets is like big mac babies when it comes to using them for weights.  I usually aim for my son but I have them doing all kinds of stuff with me.  They think its mommy and me time and I’m like come beat that donut off of me time.  I get a kick and they do too.  They line up waiting their turn and its always makes the time go fast and a good laugh is always a good thing in my book.
    5. All of the things above that I mention I incorporate into my life.  I am on the road to being well-rounded and as much as I feel like an island I am embracing the idea of including and allowing others in my life appropriately.  You know I ain’t letting just any old body around me.  However I am finding some great friendships along the way and embracing them.

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    This Has Got to Go

    So I have been asked questions about my weight loss journey and I want to answer them for you.  For those who don’t know I have been losing weight since January.  I have lost a total of 32 pounds to date.  This has not be an easy task.  My reasoning for doing it now and sticking to it was being super tired of having piles of clothes on my bed.  I was tired of wearing other people’s clothes as well.  What I mean is that the clothes I had come from others and wasn’t the sizes of clothes I should have been wearing.  Some of it was too big.  Some of it was sadly the right size but shouldn’t have been the size I was in. I got tired of every summer seeing some of the most trendiest clothes and trying to find the bigger size of it to be in .  I was tired.  I joined weight watchers on February 1st after losing 15 pounds on my own.  Before Weight Watchers I wrote everything I ate and I applied the same method with Weight Watchers.  I also work out at work on my lunch time.  This has helped take the sting of “not having enough time”  off the table.  I also increased my water intake and take vitamins on a regular basis.

    In the last few months I have cut my hair.  I wanted the change and I have had short hair before but I decided to end my relationship with my relaxer as well.  This was my decision and I don’t attempt to push my decision on anyone. I love my hair. I do understand that others don’t like it but hey when I look in that mirror everyday I feel great, I look great.  I love it and I love me.  To be honest to hell with the ones who don’t like it and that’s for the ones who do know me and those who don’t.  I am on a journey to pour more into myself and this journey is personal.  I also am finding out what makes me happy.  I think happiness comes from the inside.  I have been doing the work to make me an all around better person.  This hasn’t come without backlash.  I am not everyone’s cup of tea.  You aren’t either so if you face change and you find it’s not being embraced don’t sweat it.  People deflect what is wrong with them onto others.  Life doesn’t have to be the way you want it.

    So when I first started out I felt like I wouldn’t have enough food to eat.  I felt like I couldn’t give up the processed foods I had been accustomed to.  I felt like since I baked and made sure me and the kids ate enough vegetables and fruits I would be fine.  I was in a sense but even with the 15 pounds on my own I wanted to be more disciplined.  So I began Weight Watchers and I have done really well.  Today to date I have lost 32 pounds. I am very proud of my accomplishments but I have a little ways to go yet.  I have my stomach to tighten and some muscles to tone.  So here are the things that I have gone through since this process has started:

    1. In the beginning my cravings for food increased.  I learned that I can have what I want in the right size and I don’t have to eat it all or over eat to enjoy it
    2. I have had a lot of off scale victories such as having my clothes literally fall off of me and having to get a few pieces of new items.  I wore a medium one piece jumpsuit and I hadn’t seen a medium since before I had kids.  I bought a size 6 dress and it fit no stomach sucking in or anything  and it looked nice.  I am not a solid 6 I am in-between a 6 and a 8 but coming from a size 12 that is a great step.
    3. I have more energy to play with my kids, get things done and I fall asleep because I have gotten so much done not because I can’t walk up a flight of stairs
    4. Seeing pictures of me where my neck is smaller, face more defined and that tummy coming together has motivated me to want to take more pictures where I don’t use my kids to hide my belly anymore.
    5. Confidence has gone through the roof-I love how I feel and what I see.  Even though I can acknowledge I have a little ways to go its great to know that I love what I see coming from the inside to the outside

      My Formal Life

      When I was in college I was a size 0 and then went to a 4.  After my first child I was a solid 6 and everyone said the best compliments.  When I started up the scale I would get “girl you ain’t as small as you used to be.”  “We can’t call you lil’ Toi anymore” “You changed” “She doesn’t wear, look, etc anymore.”  The comparison from my former life to when I was at my heaviest are all forms of pressure.  I have 3 kids and I was happy and adjusting to the many hats I had to wear.  It’s interesting is that most of the comments came from others who are much bigger than I remembered them and they were always heavier than me.  Not one time had I judged them or asked them “what happened” or made rude comments.  People are a trip.  Even with the weight loss that won’t stop people from being extra.  I will still hear people say well I am glad you lost that weight I was starting to wonder…. Now if you know me I will speak up.  I don’t have to defend myself to people who in reality don’t matter.  I don’t have to defend myself to people who don’t even check up on me.  I have an answer for myself.  I owe myself the new life.  I can’t say that my family has had anything negative to say about my weight except that my kids know that I won’t a lot of junk unless I have prepared for it.  Other than that I can say that this change has been allowing me to tune the world out.  I actually ran into someone who was talking about me and didn’t see me standing there.  When they were done I said well next time just ask the source.  Their face turned bright red. It’s funny. I do not claim to be guru of weight loss I just know what is working for me and I am good with I see my body doing.  So when I hit my weight goal I will reveal a pic of me at my heaviest and the new picture with the new weight.  If there is something you want to do in your life weight loss or not tune the world out.  Tune out the negative influences in your head and out.  Tune and lock into your WHY. Know you can do it and it will be a challenge at the same time.  One of the things that irked me was when I felt like I hadn’t loss much weight and felt like I was just not doing enough.  Part of the journey is up and down or seeing not much change. Gradual weight loss is more important than dropping pounds off all at once.  So be encouraged!

     

     

    Weekly Wrap Up: March 24, 2017

    So I want to start doing a weekly wrap up with my readers.  I first want to say thank you for rocking out with me.  Some of you have been loyal since day one 2 years ago and some are brand new.  Even if you came to see what I am doing and have something to say about that, either way you are here.

    With this new weekly wrap up I will attempt to wrap a few news stories as well as personal highs and lows that went down this week.

    News

    1. Missing black girls in the DC area.  I have a 7-year-old and to know that these young girls are missing and not much coverage is being done to bring them or any lost child home is most disturbing.  I need our men to step up and assist our single mothers in DC and all over the world.  Men make such a vital part of our community especially in homes where no male is present.  So let’s say a prayer that these young ladies make it home safe and sound.
    2. Violence breaks out outside the UK Parliament-it is the sad day that we live in where these senseless acts of violence and terrorism takes place.  My prayers to those who were injured or lost their lives.
    3. The United States government as a whole.  It’s no secret that Trump is in office.  There are a lot of laws and a lot of back and forth taking place that affects and will affect of the everyday life.  My suggestion is that we need to all start pulling resources together.  We need to look out for one another.  I have been saying this since I started this blog, we need to take it back to the old land mark where we would watch over our elderly, feed the kids, and help the single moms and dads where we can.  A little can go a long way and not just around the holiday times either.  Step it up all year-long

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    Personal Highs

    1. Lost 2 more pounds this week.  Even managed to almost loss my clothes on the treadmill.  Contemplating if I should buy smaller size clothes as I have gone down one and a half but I am attempting to wait it out.
    2. Made some time for myself and I have a few things for myself this weekend. I am on a mission to attempt to balance my life as much as possible to not give more than I need to in any one area and pour back into my own life like I pour out into others.
    3. Daughter’s report came home and we are loving her new confidence.  We are working with her on not just hearing what we say but applying.  We want her to be strong and confident and speak up for herself respectively.
    4. Concurred the water demon aka drinking water more.  I do not like water however its one of the best components to losing weight is increasing water.  I can actually drink it whether its flavored or not and that’s major progress.
    5. Keeping up with my new natural hair style.  I thought it would be harder especially with the fact that I work out at least 3 days a week but so far so good.  See my blog on my natural hair, Natural is not a phase

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    Blogs for this week:

    If you missed anything and you I hope you haven’t but if you did this is what we were talking about this week:

    1. Marriage and medical deal breakers.  We helped a married couple navigate should they leave their marriage over a medical problem.  You have to read my answer.  It’s not always a flat-out no.  Yes we have vows but sometimes……
    2. Rapper Future is not on my top list of greatest rappers.  I do not like this just learned how to read, cookie cutter, make money off of stupidity rap.
    3. Open marriage in the communication lane and taking trips without your mate
    4. Whether or not you should leave a significant other who refuses to wash.  The short answer is going to a yes…..
    5. We highlighted KJM a blogger that keeps it straight no chaser.  Let me say she gets the nitty and gritty of where I leave off.  I blog light but my mouth is just as sharp.  Don’t know who KJM is, catch up
    6. Spring must do

    Personal Lows

    So this has been a trying week for me in that I am still dealing with the aftermath of my kid’s school.  I really am trying to find the appropriate way to start communicating and liking it my kids teachers.  I believe in keeping decorum but the struggle is in having to save face after I am clear that personalities no longer mash well.  Parenting is not an easy road.  I as always taught to handle my business but I find that I am on a hi and bye level and I am not sure if that will be enough to salvage the broken relationship.  I do not play when it comes to my kids.  Once I see someone lie, discriminate, or even not give them the basic education they deserve my first step is to get through the year and think ahead on new schooling.  I know that sounds like running but it’s not.  I believe every child needs to have a good education. I believe they should be safe, and be in a welcoming environment. My kids do not go to school for free.  So once I start shelling out rent payments and car notes I expect a high level of expectation to be met period.  So I am still figuring things out and weighing out all options.  The trick is putting my issues to the side for the better of my children but not taking no junk from anyone regardless of title or position.

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    This past weekend wasn’t a very good one for me.  I had a hard time coming out of a funk. No I am not super positive every moment.  I can go left real quick.  It is something that I am aware of and try to stay away from others and retreat if I need to.  My patience can become quick and the only ones I am not short with for the most part are the 3 that call me mom.  I am working on getting better on working through my triggers.  But hey I am human and I bounced back fine.

    My Weight Loss Journey

    So Happy Valentine’s Day. Today is February 14th.  I am super excited among all the candy and treats that will be thrown around today to talk about my weight loss journey. I didn’t signal this out on purpose.  I am currently down another size in my clothes and who wouldn’t be excited about that?

    After having my 3rd baby almost 3 years ago in the beginning from just birth and breast-feeding I lost over 60 pounds in about less than 6 weeks. No lie.  I went into my pre-pregnant clothes almost immediately.  A larger part of that was being in the hospital post birth for complications that occurred the day I was released to go home.  I will talk more about that this week as we get closer to my daughter’s birthday this Friday.  So if you ever spent any time in the hospital you know you are guaranteed to lose weight at least in my experience.  I got so many compliments about how drastic and fast my weight loss was but fast forward to about 6 months ago when I could no longer use breast feeding and a “new” baby to hide my weight.

    My daughter will be 3 this Friday and I literally can say I stopped breast-feeding her at age 2.  I did everything to wean her but it wouldn’t work.  One of the things about breast feeding is you drop weight but at some point I started eating more to make more milk especially when I was storing milk.  My daughter went to work with me everyday until she was 6 months so I began storing milk for when she would return to daycare.  It was a good plan and I had plenty of milk for her however, she didn’t and wouldn’t drink from a bottle. NO one prepared me for that.  Eventually I had to stop working among the fact that my medical condition from her birth wasn’t resolving.  The amount of calories began to add up and especially when you are consuming the wrongs one in the name of “feeding the baby.”  I began to look like I actually was having another one and I wasn’t.

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    In the beginning when I started this weight loss journey I had more people asking me if I was pregnant than when I was actually at my heaviest.  I am talking about co-workers who see me daily.  Those piercing words to a woman who is one losing and is not pregnant can be hurtful.  Shout out to my girls who picked me up on those crushing days.  It really means and meant the world to me. So now back to today.  It’s Valentine’s Day and all kinds of goodies are in this office.  However I have a set plan for which ones I will and will not indulge.  So I am good on that.  No distractions will take place.  My husband sent me an edible arrangement this morning because he knows what I am trying to do and he supports it.  His card had me dying because he literally said those words.  I can appreciate it that he’s not on team sabotage as I continue this journey.  Today I have on one of my favorite black pants.  I had to use my head scarf to make a belt because feel too lose.  Hey it was either that or look and feel uncomfortable and that wasn’t happening.  How my clothes fit is how I choose to monitor my progress. Yes I am being weighed by licensed professionals weekly but how I look and feel during this is what is important to me too. Yes weekly I am killing it at my weigh-in but the fact that things are getting looser and not more snug is key too.

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    I will share my weight as well as total weight lost when I get closer to my first mental check point which is before my birthday trip in May.  That is my first initial goal. That is when I will let you in on the numbers.  So for those who are in this journey to a better you and are still going strong, New Year’s Resolution or not, Valentine’s day or not, keep pushing.  My water intake has doubled, my exercise is still going strong, and everyday I am getting stronger.  Keep pushing!