Acting Real Focused

Why is it that people tell you to reach for your goals? Simple if you keep going even if you fall, one day it will pop! The second you do you’re acting funny, cute, or like you got it like that. No the part your missing is I’m acting real focused. I know where I am going and I’m striving to get there. I can’t stop to make you feel better that I stayed in your lane. Either get a new lane or come up! Simple and plain! Also you have no idea what a person goes through behind the scenes in order to make their dreams come true. Hard work and dedication comes at a price always!

Who is going to push for your dreams more than you? Not one soul. Not one person is in charge of your journey like you are. You have to keep trying and keep going. There is an idea inside of you so keep on pushing until someone who needs to hear it does.

Do you know even in blogging there are moments when you snag that national account and moments when you don’t. There are moments when thousands read your work and days when they don’t. Never give up! Persistency is how you win! So this is why I keep going. I started my blog 3 years ago to a crowd of a few and now that crowd has grown and continues to grow. I’m more determined to keep going until I get to work with the likes of Essence or Mother Oprah. Why? I know I can reach the goal and I know that goal it’s attainable.

So whatever goal you have, crush it! Don’t quit or let the folks see you sweat! Use your voice to get the folks together and press on!Your yes is on its way!

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Self-Care Your Week

So I told you about how last week was pretty rough. Between me not realizing that camp was delayed for a week to working from home, last week was tough. So I looked at what I did that worked and what didn’t work and came up with a few things we all can do to self care our week:

1. Drink plenty of water: today in Philly it will be almost 100 degrees no need in not taking care of your health so drink up!

2. Take a break: go outside that’s the one saving grace that made the difference last week. Being outside helps your mood

3. Go offline: I love social media but take a break even if it’s for an hour

4: Mind your business: this should be done often but the amount of negativity that we take on always stirring the pot of someone else’s lives can be better used in focusing on ways to improve ours.

5: Work out: you will lose some unwanted pounds as well as relieve stress

6: Get some sleep: watching television is great but sitting up every night while it watches you is not. Going to bed earlier a few nights a week does amazing things for your morning

7: Eat Right: overeating or even under eating is a problem. Make sure you also eat more fruits and vegetables your body will thank you

8: Read: take a magazine with you or a book and when you have down time while you’re taking that social media break, read!

9: Favorite Drink: sometimes having your favorite drink will make a great difference. Now that it’s hot Pintrest some Summer drinks and enjoy something cold and refreshing

10: Plan-setting brings into place will not make your week magical but it can cut down on a lot of stress of having to find things

Whatever you do make sure that you find little things that make your day and week that much better. You can do a thousand one things such as lighting candles, going to a favorite spot, etc

Choose to set the bar high on making sure you aren’t simply getting through the week but that you spend some time being good to yourself.

Have a great Monday and a great week!!

Recovery Day

Things have been going well. I am not complaining at all. But today, was a day! Usually I feel I am good at dealing but today tested that theory.  As much as I talk about the good days, I’ve also said that I would highlight the bad ones.

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It wasn’t one thing that made my day bad it was a combination.  Without getting too deep into it and boring you out of your mind, let me just say that I had to think quick on my feet on how to attack each issue and today was the day I allowed every negative thought, self-doubt, etc attack. Shout out on being able to call my husband on days like today where I felt I needed support.  I could have easily reached out to friends but I just didn’t have the energy to do so.  My husband was there to listen to each thing, and offer many suggestions that he knew I wouldn’t take initially.  You sir are the MVP.

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Walk it Out

I finally got some mental relief by taking a walk in the sun.  Something about being outside even for a few minutes that boosts the spirits.  I took a drink of water with me, made to apply some sunscreen and sat in the sun with my music on and looked around. I didn’t go on my social media to look at what others was doing, simply minded my own business and enjoyed a few minutes of sun and reflected on the pep talk my husband and I had.  Soon as I came back, things lined right back in place.  I realized that at this new job I have been running non stop for days and I haven’t had a break.  I will incorporate a break daily going forward.  This job is super demanding but I will do some work self-care to get me through.  I also noticed that break helped me work on my personal goals that I needed to attack and line up for the weekend.  Trying to manage time and get everything in with a full household full of folks that all have to be places is not always as easy I make it look and that’s with my husband’s hands on help.

So today, take a break! Simply get some air.  Clear your mind and do take a social media break even if it’s for a few moments. Do not let anything rob you of peace of mind and definitely don’t be the one who gets on your own last nerves.  You got this!

Sunday Message: A Different Light

Good Sunday morning to you all. I hope one you had or are having a great weekend and two you are finding ways to renew. One of the things we are talking about today is the phrase “I see them in a different light.” This is to suggest that whomever you were or are dealing with has changed and is no longer the way you remember them. It’s almost like the person has done a “switch.”

I would suggest that some people could possibly switch or that maybe you were unwilling to change the focus of your lens. You may not have been willing to see the special person in your life in a certain way and therefor excused their behavior. I have had this happened too many times to count. You simply don’t even consider the opinions of others and will only see them how you like them. So regardless of their negative qualities you simply bypass them and continue until…… they bite you, hurt you, show “their true colors,” etc.

Their true colors were on display the entire time your willingness to be blind is what handicapped you. If you have someone tell you about how a person is, take what they say into consideration of the potential of the person. This means be aware they may behave this way but do not simply say they aren’t capable. Doing this allows you to be honest about the person you are dealing with and make the decision to remain in their life. This also makes for when the “switch” happens for you to take the responsibility of not playing victim. You saw the negative potential and you still entreated or trusted them. Trust can be broken. It hurts. It’s devastating depending on the level of relationship, but sometimes we play victims to things we were willful participants and we need to be honest with at least ourselves.

The same light that drew you to a person was there to shine the light on them as a whole. You chose not to see all of their sides. You connected to the parts that benefited you. That is the honest assessment. So now that you have been bitten by their full personality you must make the decision to withdraw or continue. Do not let the ones who stand by saying I told you so push you and don’t let your pride of not wanting them to be right make you continue either. I’ve been wrong about friends. I’ve been guilty of continuing relationships with people I knew wasn’t right. These are choices. Honestly the longer you stay the worse the bite will be. True colors are always present you just have to take the sunglasses of selection off. The more you blind yourself into acceptance the worst the hurt will be.

Now the flip is you can just be friends or relationship with bad folks and you see them clearly and you just going to ride it out. This too is a choice. I am finding too if you make this choice and then person doesn’t belong in your life, events will continue to happen that will push your hand. You can’t improve yourself and not take accountable the circle you keep. Either you and your circle are going no where or one or more in that circle is in constant inner turmoil until they weed out the negativity. It’s like fighting yourself to be with a person or group of people and it WILL bother you until you do yourself a personal justice and end things.

You can let nature take its toll. Nature will always give you a way out. You can naturally end a relationship. You no longer like the same things so when the opportunity comes simply decline the invitation. The more declines let’s the person know you’re not feeling them. Also conversations will began to lack. One of the things that irk me but have been a blessing is “k.” You are in a relationship with someone and all they give is a k or one word answers and you’re trying to talk via text or even regular conversation is my ultimate pet peeve. There’s blessing in it. The more irritated I get by it the more I just communicate less. How can you be a friend and you’re excitedly attempting to talk to a person who is dry? That is a turn off and eventually I just share less. Nature will take its course!

So if you’re in constant inner struggle over a person who’s true sides have been showing you lack luster relationship or they have been “switching” take the time to be honest with yourself about what part you have played and how long you have allowed this to continue? Don’t stay just to prove someone else wrong. Don’t stay just because starting over would be an issue. Let nature take its course. Also you may have to end it too. You may have to do what you should have done week, months or years ago and that’s walk away!! It’s no longer serving you! You deserve to be in relationship with like minded folks. People who when you speak to them make you feel inspired. When you are around make you happy about life even when life is not only giving you lemons but feels like it’s giving you spoiled lemons.

Crazy Mondays: Keep Going

I started this morning in prayer. I try my best to make this a daily occurrence. So I’m up early and only snoozed once! I’m like yes day let’s start this! Then…….

I had to catch myself before I began to be upset. Did my makeup and I was looking like Casper’s cousin. I had to start all over again. Ran around getting stuff done, guess what? Still missed my first train! Then I’m getting my thoughts together and realized my wallet is on the couch. Ouch! I’m like let me refocus. I woke and prepared so much the night before! I did all that to prevent this mess and things was still going left. Welp!

As soon as I stepped back I remembered I have at least an Id on me in case of emergency, you good! I have an all day meeting that I helped plan which includes food and coffee! I had at least grabbed my dry cleaning! And although I missed my first train, my boss text he was running late and I still would be an hour early for the meeting so rest, relax, declare a good day, turn your music up and put your lipstick on and handle it!

Push forward! Make the best out of bad starts! Reset!

Sunday Message: Share and Open Yourself

So good Sunday evening. As I blog this my whole house is quiet and napping and that calls for a great glass of wine. But before I do that I had to share a little something with you. I love being apart of groups whether online or offline that are about something. With being in groups they add a sense of belonging. One of the things that happens is you share information and experience.

We all have something that another person needs. Whether you speak it, write it or share it, people are most likely going through what you have been through or will go through. Yes you can keep a few things for yourself. However consider speaking up about a few things that you have conquered. So many people are hungry, angry, or need support and just want to know they they aren’t alone.

You have a voice. Use it! Please stop thinking that you will have people all up in your business. And even if you did, let’s keep this real it ain’t nothing somebody ain’t been through. So many folks are so protective of their “stuff” and don’t realize how much healing and accountability can come out of sharing. I spoke to 5 women today who went through postpartum and all of them had the same theme, they didn’t know anyone had been through it. Some of them their own family members shrugged them all. They were not alone.

What about the things you are going through? Do you think that you’re the only one going through pain? Nope. You’re not! You’re only alone because you hold onto it and think that holding it will help you. Often times you just suffer in silence. That’s really the concept of any group you are in. It should be a place of support and love. Within that should be healing.

I encourage you to not hold your testimonies in your heart all the time. There are some folks that can benefit from you speaking your truth. Now that sounds like a win, right?! Indeed but there’s always a but…

Use discernment! Sometimes sharing with a few folks always comes with a backlash. When I started blogging I got the “what makes you an authority?” “You ain’t no wonder!” “You share/talk too much!” ” You got so much to say but you really need to….” The ones who said those things were not my intended audiences. It wasn’t for them. Remember I only post I don’t harass for support so… my thought is then and now, do not log on to read! It’s not shade it’s true!

I only share my life. I don’t have time to share from a 3rd party perspective. When I talk about failure it’s because I’ve had more moments of it than most and….. it’s helped others to be authentic. When I talk about giving up it’s because I’ve tried to do it and grace walked me back to success. When I talk about marriages being on edge it’s because my own has been dipped by foolishness and we are still liking one another. Sharing always comes with a little backlash but when someone sends me a response to one of my answers to their Ask Toi and says you listened when no one else did, I count that as worth it. When I look back at my own blogs and say thank you Lord for grace, that’s worth it.

I know that when I don’t have folks that will listen without judgement something will come up that speaks to me. It’s been a video, a song, a blog something positive that speaks to that negative battle I could be in and I’m super grateful that someone wasn’t ashamed to speak up! Speak to those around you. Know the audience to whom you are speaking to. When the ones around you give you issues, hear what you can use and then note the folks and learn to adjust your audience from them to where you need to be. Don’t get discouraged in what you have been through. We all can draw from one another. We all can help one another heal if we aren’t afraid to speak it!

The Importance of Preserving Yourself; Burnout Edition

Call it self-care or the ability to not lose your mind in this crazy and sometimes evil world! The way things are setting up you better figure out how to be your own best friend, confidant, and master cheerleader.

Trust me the opposite of mastering the above skill sets will have you drained. You will have given to everyone and everything and never really reach your own personal plateau. Life will be so mundane. You will look around and ask yourself why?! This my friend is called burn out. Burnout is failure. Burnout is devastating. It doesn’t mean you can’t turn it around but it’s a temporary “L.” You will feel it! It’s hard not to if you have allowed yourself to get to the point of a burnout! The range of emotions that are felt at that moment of burn out can go from sorrow to anger and even a combination of a gambit of stuff in between. What’s the solution?

Acceptance

This is the stage where you realize the snapping out, the anger, the moodiness is for a reason. Usually you would have to be willing to even entertain that maybe deep down maybe everyone ain’t telling the same lie. You have given a reason to everything that points away from you but then you realize maybe what people are saying is true. Maybe I am hard to deal with! Maybe I am being a nag! Maybe just maybe I should look into me and work my life so maybe instead of living a life of calamity I may be able to muster up a better situation.

Make a Plan

You have accepted that you have a little work to do now you need a plan to help you overcome. This means that you will need to be clear in what you need to be successful and turn around this burn out. Often times it may mean unplugging from social media. You could be spinning out of control due to you comparing yourself and your life to others. Also often times especially family who you know their lives off-line and knowing they don’t match their online persona actually can tail spin you. The frustration alone can make you burn out.

Another plan is to take a break. Did you know even the most on point person needs a break. Oh I know you can’t afford it. Money or the lack thereof is the number one reason to not plan a vacation. I know for a fact that if you sat down with your money and looked at your spending by writing things down you can find some areas to cut. If you’re going to be broke at least be broke saving money for a purpose. Also you can plan an amazing staycation. There are ways to be creative and get a break, take a nap, and refuel. I love a good to do list. However with learning balance I’ve learned is that you don’t have to solve all of problems in a day. Start your list but don’t be overcome by one. You will see the light if you keep pushing! However push and take a breather too!

Whatever you decide to do. Take a break and make a plan! People are over worked and underpaid fulfilling the desires and needs of those around them all while operating from an empty bank and I don’t just mean money. One of the things that my new boss has stressed is the importance of balance. He makes sure his team understands that. There is no need to make a sick day, just take day and refuel. This means that he supports self-care for his team and he believes it’s the one way to increase productivity. It’s true!! Apply the same principles to your life. Sometimes the dishes can wait. You can tell a family member no. You can pickup things and leave things too!