Shake Shack Virgin

So for quite some time I’ve been seeing Shake Shack and never went. I would say everytime how I was going to stop but didn’t. So on a random Friday as this past Friday was, I decided why not?

Soooo. I get there and the menu is big but yet small enough so my anxiety doesn’t kick in. Oh and I went by myself. I’m on this whole push to do the things I want even if I go by myself. Soooooooo I ventured out. I grabbed my keys and went. Now I’m glad I decided to go to the one near Drexel University especially since I work on a campus already the atmosphere was more laid back. It was extremely busy.  I enjoyed watching the students playing games, talking, and enjoying the 80 degree weather.

So happiness  sunk in and I was ready.  I ordered the vegetarian burger or the Shroom burger which is a fried portobello mushroom, melted muenster cheese, with lettuce, tomato and shake sauce. I added their to die for fries and a salted caramel milkshake with pretzel and I was in heaven.  Like eating it made me feel like I was in a whole other place! 

Now let me say what I liked about the experience:

1. Fast service-they give you one of those light up wait your turn line lights 


2. Friendly staff-funny story so the cashier was super nice and trying to hit on me. No offense taken but he couldn’t get my name right so I said Toi. When I went to pay he looked at my debit card and saw my name but more importantly he saw my husband and kids picture on it and have a look of damn. It was hilarious!!


3. College atmosphere-with working on a campus it gives me constant nostalgia. Makes me miss my Penny Packer crew! 

4. Fries-I almost went back and took that 20 minute drive. They are that good. 

5. That shake-they ain’t the Shake Shack for nothing; complete bliss!! 


For my parents this is not a spot I would regularly take my little ones. In the words of my Cousin Mark this is much too premium for children unless it’s a special event. My meal alone was 17 dollars which ain’t breaking the bank but this is an indulgence that is strictly a Mom thing only! Well at least for me it will be. 


I can’t wait to go back again. I really want another shake. It was worth the drive! Thanks to the staff at the Drexel University Shake Shack who were over the top pleasant and made my first experience one to remember. 

Camp is Over, Lessons were learned

Yay I do apologize for all of the parents who weren’t able to get your children into camp. This blog is not meant to stir up any ill feelings you had having to scramble for your little people.  I feel your pain in that would have led me into pure anxiety.  However I just want to do a dance that camp is over.  Trust and believe it’s not just that the start of school is literally around the corner, it has everything to do with what camp has meant for the Storr household.

My son was in another daycare and with that daycare they have a built-in camp.  He didn’t make it quite to his first full year.  The issue is simple, he was having issues adjusting. He was having issues with some of the kids and that’s all I will say to protect the innocent. However as a parent it was hard having to find alternatives for him.  I had to take him to counseling at some point which worked out since towards the end he was adjusting to life without his grandmother since her passing.  With all that was going on, I personally have to admit, I didn’t remove him in enough time.  Shocker I know. I battled taking him from the daycare because it was convenient for me to take him and his sibling to school and me to work.  The agony of having to start the process of locating another new school made my head hurt.  So I feel that my husband who took my lead and I just didn’t pull the trigger.  That is the one thing to date I regret.

Let me remind you that the very first daycare he was in since he was a baby discharged him and his siblings because they had contracted hand, foot and mouth virus which is a super common virus usually contracted in daycare go figure.  He never got over being in his mind thrown in the second daycare to be honest.  I don’t even ride past that old daycare anymore to avoid the why did she let us go questions.

In the turn of events, since not being enrolled in either daycare, my son has bounced back.  So in my mom heart, it has given me such a calm.  I went from getting calls daily because of my son’s responses to what was happening to none.  Not like a call but it wasn’t bad nope, to NONE.  Let me tell you how happy that has made me feel within itself.  He is back to enjoying going back to camp or as he calls it school since he starts kindergarten next week.  He smiles when you pick him up.  He is excited about all of the trips.  But it’s now coming to an end today.  It was great for him to have this positive experience before he starts school next week.

Let me say and make clear, I do not place blame at the previous daycare at all.  The first one I simply do not have anything positive to say on their behalf.  However the second one just wasn’t a good fit and if I be honest it wasn’t a good full fit for our family in the long run.  The reason is simple the second my son after a few months hadn’t adjusted I should have pulled him.  As a mom I should have set myself to the side on it and followed his cue.  It would have saved time and energy but we all live and learn.

Camp has done both he and his oldest sibling super well.  One its been a great peace not having to pay for field trips in addition to his tuition weekly.  Lawd, trying to keep straight who goes where and spending money for all is a lot in itself.  This camp provided all of that with the tuition and all the kids had the same things except if there was an allergy issue.  Do you know how much of a mom win that is?  A huge one.  So they won me over right from the start. Was it more money?  Absolutely.  But like my husband and I say you get what you pay for.  So we adjusted.  the kids had a blast.  Some of their trips I was kind of jelly over.  They really had a good time and not one provider did I have an issue with. That is a blessing.  Camps and daycare cost too much to deal with bad attitudes and bad vibes.  I tell people all the time, the ones who keep our children so we can work have hard jobs.  However this is something that you choose.  If you get to a point as a daycare worker or teacher and you heart isn’t in it, its time to renew your mind or find a new career.  This coming in and out snubbing parents, acting passive aggressive, or just altogether rude, will not cut in this field.  This goes for administrators too. You have to either love what you do, take a break, or keep it moving.  Nobody should have to come into your place of business and especially if they are paying for their kids to attend to deal with your nasty attitude either.

Here are a few things I want to highlight as we end camp and go into the school year:

  1. Know your money has power.  Although in daycare kids come and go, never forget that you are still paying for a service.  If you don’t like it, give notice and find somewhere else to go.  It’s simple.  You don’t have to argue.  Know your own money power and do what you have to do.
  2. Along with money power know the background and this is really for other camps and daycare.  A lot of camps have parents and families who run off of government assistance.  I am not knocking it, but never treat others better than or worst because of it.  Just because of a subsidy they have the same buying power.  Keep in mind that to the ones who pay cash can sometimes keep your daycare afloat if the government furloughs. Government has and will furlough again and if that happens it’s sometimes the cash paying clients are the ones that take the sting off behind the scenes.  How do I know this, my twin has been in the field since we were 18, we are now 36 I know a lot more than I let people believe.
  3. You can make a grievance with the daycare and if they don’t hear you, they are governed by laws that they have to uphold.  In Pa there is a star system and anything done that doesn’t align to that system that the daycare is on can be reported and you don’t have to simply take what they give you.  They can’t retaliate against you or withdraw your child.  Always check with the department of welfare or the state to see if the daycare has had any violations.  This is your duty as a parent and your right to do so.
  4. Find a daycare that has everything in writing especially for how they will handle instances of bullying or behavioral.  If you do not you will be battling air.  The reason is without these practices in writing daycare and camps can do as they please and you will only be able to complain or make static if they don’t abide by the laws.  Most daycares will abide by the law but not by a moral and human standard if they don’t feel as if things weren’t an issue.  Trust me.
  5. Never sign a non disclosure agreement if you leave.  Don’t sign it.  Get a copy if they ask you to and take it to an attorney.  I can’t even think why they would have one but trust and believe I keep an attorney on stand by and I will sign Donald Duck before I sign my name to some trash like that.  Daycares and camps run off a word of mouth for the most part.  Sorry not sorry.  We are talking about human lives. How the facility acts when things are less than stellar speaks about how they truly run.  I for one think others need to be cautious and asking those who was there if you have the ability to do so is key.
  6. If you are ever in a position where you don’t get along with administration even if its one or more of the persons in charge, made the decision if you are willing to stay with all things the same.  In other words, if the person (s) you do not get along can you deal with that for the sake of your child.  Sometimes you can and other times you can’t.  You should never feel like you are stuck.  IF you do, your child will pick up on that resentment.  If I am honest I know my kids have done so and looking at the situation I may or may not be sorry about that. I wrote about vibes and for me vibes matter.  I have had bad vibes with a person and how that person continues to act may suggest if I should correct the issue or let it go and move on.
  7. Do not allow your child to do something that you didn’t sign for.  For instance the Summer has been filled with drowning deaths.  One event comes to mine with the daycare from the South who was supposed to hike but then took the kids swimming and the child drowned and died.  This type of stuff infuriates me.  Do not send home a permission slip, get permission from the parent to do that activity and change without notifying and getting permission from the parent.  That was a free nugget for any daycare or camp.  This is a huge lawsuit waiting to happen. Even more there is a family that is experiencing life without the life of a child who could still be here had they followed the laws and rules.
  8. Do not be afraid to find another camp, daycare or school.  Listen as we go into the school year, my kids have the privilege to go to private school, with that we literally mean business when it comes to their education, and how much we spend and what we expect.  We do over and beyond on all fundraisers, attend all meetings, engage all year without a parent teacher conference, attend all parties, come to all functions, and pay our fees during the year as asked I literally will put up with ZERO foolishness from administration.  We mean zero.  No one has to chase us to be involved with our kids lives and with that in mind I demand that the school hold up their end of the bargain at all times.  There is no pat on the back for what we do and neither will it be for those who teach them.  So we all have to be held accountable.

I want to shout out the second and last daycare/camp for the time they have had with my children.  As we transition into the next phase of our children’s journey, there is no hard feelings whatsoever but its time to continue down the path of excellence.  The kids have been super happy and that makes us super happy as parents.  This blog was not a means to air out any grievances.  This blog is to empower parents to never forget your power when dealing with daycare, daycare providers, camps, or schools.  Just because for those who work, and having someone to keep our kids is a must, doesn’t mean you have to take junk just to get through.  You were in control the minute you signed the contract and you are in control until you discontinue the relationship.  I hope that this blog gets you engaged on what some providers will do, what you don’t have to tolerate, and why you need to be on the lookout for in the future.  If you are fortunate to have someone who you trust keep your kids, do not let your guard down just because they are family or friends either.  Be vigilant in what you need, what importantly your kids needs, and realize that business is business and the business of healthy, happy, and engaged kids is most important.  Lastly trust your gut, and listen to your child.  Do not do what I did and air on caution for yourself.  Trust yourself.  Goodbye to Summer Camp but come through 2017/2018 school year!!

Life Lessons from a Former Stay at Home Mom

Listen having a child is a Christmas miracle. It is not to be taken for granted. Every time I hear of a Mom who lost their life-giving birth it hurts my heart. Women and their bodies go through the most to bring forth children that you hope will be productive citizens.

As a former stay at home mom I got lost many days. Between food on my clothes and wipes in my hand I had no idea what days were what at times. I learned so much about myself that I thought I had mastered until I was home with tiny humans who needed me for everything and I STILL apply the lessons to this day.  Even if you don’t have kids these are all lessons we can gleam from:

1. Time outs are not just for kids

Yes it’s okay to take a mental time out. I found I got mine when the kids went down for a nap. Now that I am back to working full-time I find that I have to push to get a time out but they are super necessary. You need to sometimes unplug and catch your breath. Life throws curb balls and in order to be ready I need a clear mind. Take a break and catch your sanity.

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2. Keep yourself fabulous

This is hard in this age at times as body issues and time can sometimes not be on our side but the years I spent complaining about what I looked like I could have done better by getting my entire life together. Listen in my stay at home days I couldn’t afford nail and salon appointments so I had to get creative. There are alternatives but keeping yourself “up” isn’t about a spouse or the world. It’s about you. It’s also for the little people who are watching you and taking in what you say and more of what you do. Hard times don’t have to show up in our appearance. My mother and I lived in a shelter and everyday she spoke over us to not look like where we lived. Has anyone not known we didn’t even look displaced. That takes strength even with your strength is depleted. Thank you Mom for that lifetime jewel.

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3. Exercise your NO muscles

Do you know how many times you have to tell a child no? Too many to keep track. Why do you get as an adult and feel like you on a yes choir?! No is powerful and one of the first words we learn as a child but is sometimes the hardest to exercise.  Your no is valuable but you have to use it. NO you can’t get up and do for another able-bodied adult. NO you can’t be used today. NO you can’t be a punching bag physically or mentally. NO! Use it! It will save you time, stress, and heartache.

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4. Have a plan and work a back up plan

All moms know what I mean when you have a toddler with a soiled outfit but no extra outfit. In life you will need the same plan. Things fall but you don’t have to fall with it. Failure isn’t failure until you give up or in whichever you allow first. Get up and work!

5. Don’t sweat the small stuff

Life is life.  Its designed to change at a moment’s notice.  Do not waste your energy or time on things that you can’t change.  Unless you are a breastfeeding mom, don’t cry over spilled milk.  If you take the hurt and pain to channel that into positivity your day will be that much better.

There are times when life will be super rough. Like 3.36 in your account, Ramen noodle eating, marriage on the brink, need a vibrator, and deadlines at work type of tough.  It will seem to be closing in at any given moment. However it’s not what’s happening to you that is the issue it’s what you allow in your response that matters. Get up, get dressed, care about life, work your plan, back it up and if your back is against the world well stand and make something happen.

No Dads Allowed, If You Believe the BS!

So a few weeks ago I asked several followers who had kids under 10 to help me with today’s blog. I want to thank all of the women who responded. I needed women who were considered the main primary care giver to their children even with men, fathers, boyfriends, husbands, etc that are stand up men assisting.

So what I have found is that even with the most hands on men often times it is still being viewed as the “woman’s job.” Let’s que in today’s news story where a mom of 2 took her oldest child to his or her sporting event. While there she got a call from her boyfriend who was sitting with their 4 week old daughter. The boyfriend got frustrated with the baby and shook the baby. The baby was rushed to the hospital and after 2 days in the ICU, the baby passed away. Prayers go out to the family at this time!

In the comments sections was uploads of women who said the mom was responsible for allowing her 4 week old to be left with their dad. The mother was interviewed and didn’t have an idea that the child’s own father would cause harm. So my issue is two-fold. There are some men that shouldn’t be left with kids. However with my same thought process with it I feel a woman shouldn’t have a child with a man she doesn’t trust.  There are horrible people in general and becoming a parent won’t always change the evil in their heart if it’s there.A woman can be a primary care giver to her children. However in 2017 men are stepping up and out when it comes to being hands on with their kids.

No kids…What I wouldn’t do edition

So the part of child raising goes to mostly people who have no kids who make the comments of what they would allow or wouldn’t allow if and when they have kids. Their comments aren’t the issue as the delusion that they seem to have. I do believe that you can set up in your home where both mom and dad do for their kids. We have that in our home. It’s not on me to do it all. My husband willingly jumps into his role and does what is necessary. However the ones who have no children who say I wouldn’t allow my husband to not do…..

Listen, no one knows how things will pan out UNTIL you are in a situation. The things I even said I would or wouldn’t do or allow when I had kids has been tested.

He should just know….

The kids become the primary focus. If your husband is hands on but not as hands on enough will you allow your kids to go without to prove a point? I would hope not. Would you continue in an argumentative state and have the home filled with hate and yelling just because for example the man in the home won’t put a load of laundry in not because you asked but because he “should have just known” to do it but didn’t.  The “my husband or boyfriend would know better” is a lie. Explain to me how new parents who are new to the parent game can play mind games are supposed to also know what to do? Women who are supposed to have natural instincts to take care of kids need help and learn as they go. But not your knowing man he just knows. Raising kids take patience and is one of the biggest learning curves that a human will ever experience.

I can speak as a woman who is a mother and wife and say that often times even from most of the women who I interviewed is that women don’t speak up and say exactly what they need. No man is a mind reader. If you’re the main care giver does that mean that you can’t ask your mate or child’s father for specific help? No you can and you must.

The women who beat that mother up about the child’s father killing the baby are displaced. A man can be with their child. It is the actions of that horrible man who killed the child. Unless the women who were in the comment sections have PROOF that the mother had known he was a killer or had these tendencies to harm than it goes to show you how women are programmed to belief that men should only procreate leaving women alone to raise their kids. This is BS. Raising a family takes the same two people who laid down to make sure their needs are met. If one or both of them do something right or wrong it’s a team effort.

So how about we monitor who we first have kids with. Be the best parents we can be to our children. If you’re a mom who is drowning with children and you have their dad in their life, speak up. Ask specifically for what you need and ultimately about what your child needs.  Your child deserves to be raised by a mom who isn’t always super stressed. Sometimes by not asking puts you and your kids more at risk for more stressors. Ask the single mom with no help.  She is under pressure. A married mom or a mom with help that doesn’t ask, is acting under the same guise.

Being a mom is hard work. I personally can go to work all day and come home and think man work was a piece of work in comparison.  Then even as a stay at home mom which I did for 3 years, no job combined was more than being a mom.

Ladies with men helping allow these men to help. Ask for what you need and the bigger issue is do not nit pick how it was done. Our men won’t have the same instinct or know how like we may have but if you want to foster a give and take relationship than ask for what you need. You aren’t less than a mom to do so. It wasn’t meant to be your shoulders alone. Women can raise these babies by themselves but a good man won’t allow you to. However they also don’t want to be killed by your rolled eyes, deep sighs, and berating either.

Mommy wars…mind your uterus

Ladies single or not if you’re a mom stop these mommy wars. We are all trying to figure it out. When you hear a woman who makes claims that you have already tested and no won’t work just smile, you know when their time comes that life will hit the most organized, well put together woman and child-birth is the testing grounds should they WANT to do so. Also for my moms stop asking women with no kids when and if they are going to have a baby. Some women don’t want any. Guess what?! They don’t have to either.

Let’s mind our own uterus and get our men to help us more. Ask for help. Don’t do it all and still look for help where you won’t allow that man to help by simply asking and letting him do it.

Lastly to the men, it’s simply not enough to have your presence in the home. You work and your wife or girlfriend did too whether in the home or not. If you see toys that needs picked up. Do it. If you see your lady needs help you can ask or do a few things to assist her. You can send her for some time alone while you help with the kids you both made. The little things add up!

However raising kids should be a joint ever when it can be and if you are a man you have the same need to be hands on not just a financer for your children. Kids need to be supported and it’s not just a woman’s job it’s the parents job to raise them!!

My Last Week of Home Recovery

So it’s here my last week of being home. Yay!! Insert my sarcastic face because all good things have to come to an end. As I start this week I am a little sad already but anxious to get back into my regular life.


I feel like it’s the end of the Summer and it’s obviously is not. So that’s a good thing. This week I started my week by resting.  I had the best low key Saturday I’ve had in a long time. I followed up that Saturday with the best sleep, tv watching, do not disturb day on Sunday. I caught the 90 day fiancé series and spent time with my laptop and blog prepping. It was a good day. 


My goals as I go into this last week will be laundry because duh I have a family of 5 so there’s always laundry to do. Also meal prepping, crafting new decorations for my office, visiting my parents, going to the movies, nail salon and visiting a new coffee shop that isn’t Starbucks. All of these activities are super relaxing for me. 

Oh and the dreaded word I’ve been avoiding, work out. Ugh!! So I started this week with some cardio but nothing too crazy.  Just enough to get my body going and keep me on my toes but no hard core work out has or will take place for just a little while.  I’ll work up to that but I’m coming for it as soon as I can.


So now let’s swing it until Monday. I had to visit my cardiologist. Why we’ll I’ve noticed since the surgery that I am having pain when I take deep breaths as well as often sharp intermediate pain with exertion. None of this is normal for me. So my cardiology doctor informed me that I need to do another 2 tests to determine if the pain in my chest is due to my anemia which means not enough blood is getting to my heart or if it has to deal with another blood clot that I may have gotten with having surgery and having a blood clots. I will know more this week. 

Overall I’m feeling better and can’t wait to get back into my normal active lifestyle.

Back to School 2017 Edition 

Now let me say that I think education is a beautiful thing. Hello I have my undergrad degree. So I would have had to like school lol. None the less these back to school commercials I know for a fact are setting parents anxiety levels and even more our teachers. 

Now I know some parents couldn’t get their kids into Summer camp so the awaited back to school commercials are a welcome. What I’m going to need you to do is start early next year and get the babies somewhere to go. I heard parents in the grocery store talking about they just dumped their kids off to their moms all Summer. I’m like how nice if momma is fun and can handle them. If not momma or big momma don’t want your kids either. I know we all got to work but lawd don’t do momma and big momma like that. 

So now it’s time to focus the coins and get our minds set on back to school. There are a few things you can do to help your school year be better than last year.

1. One month before start sending them babies big and small to bed like they were going to school. Try like 2 or 3 days a week. Then when the time gets closer make it everyday. This will take the dreaded back to school complaints because they will be used to taking their behinds to bed.

2. Take electronics out of their room.  I’m telling you if they don’t pay bills in your house they don’t need to surf a web nor text a soul at bedtime. All you are doing is stimulating their minds and they aren’t getting quality sleep. We kept our kids on the same school year schedule with their electronics. So no crying and dying going on. Plus they are going to bed charging these things trying to cause potential fires. Who got money for all of this? You don’t so don’t start these bad habits. 

3. If they haven’t read a book all Summer please get them a book. Have them present what they read to you. Most schools have a Summer reading list. It’s meant to keep their minds sharp. You aren’t helping them by ignoring the list. Get them reading. If they can whip and nae nae they can read. Guess what that will take? Energy on both you and them.  

4. Start early. Parents this is going to sound ignorant but I promise you it’s not meant to be. You know when school starts every year. Yet these kids go to school and got a long list of the ain’t gots. They ain’t got a pencil, ain’t got a piece of paper. Are you the parent? If you don’t teach them to be prepared how will they? Little Johnie going to be an adult that got the same list of the aint gots too. Put them coins away and get them ready. I swear I be ready to go ape on my kids’ school when they send that please have the right this and that during the school year. My answer to it is send this to the parents whose child isn’t complying. I know some parents don’t have it. I get it. But let me say I know some parents who push past that. The ones who complain they don’t have be the first one grabbing all the free backpacks up from the needy kids but have 100 Jordan sneaker but no pencil the first month of school. Do better plain and simple. I don’t have to mence my words for grown folks.

Along the lines of start early is to buy more of the supplies they are liable to be used the most during the school year. Always get more pencils, markers etc. Get them on sale. Start at the Dollar Store than outsource the rest. But do not wait until the last minute unless you had it last minute or just like the thrill of going to 3 stores the night before.

Also I’ve said it before but pack lunches, snacks, and bags the night before for them and you. You will appreciate it when you hit  that snooze button too many times. Kids are forgetful.

5. Get a calendar. Yes a planner is beautiful but also get one of those wipe away calendars too. It keeps the whole house right especially if your kids are beyond 1st grade. Visualization is a beautiful and stimulating thing. They can read. Place important dates and assignments on there. Also spend some time with the back to school papers they send home in the first weeks. Write things down or set alerts in your phone. I’ve been doing this since I was in grade school. Please ask any of my teachers I’ve never missed a paper or deadline. I apply the same with my kids too. The system of being prepared works. 

6. Breakfast. I am super grateful that many school districts are giving all kids meals. There are some who do not. Please make your child’s breakfast important. As an adult I will tune you out or be super angry if I haven’t eaten. How much more for a kid? Feed these babies. There are many discount stores that make it easier for parents to not have to choose food over bills. Time is hard but we have to invest in our kids. What they eat is important. I ain’t even gonna front like my kids haven’t had a pop tart a time or two but make better choices. I see kids eating chips and soda in the am and regardless of parenting styles none of these options are nutritious.  Keep good options in the house and see that they take it serious by you taking it serious too. 

7. Clothes. I used to think that uniforms were a dumb idea but in general they are a good idea because you don’t have the drama of figuring out clothes even if you pick at night. FYI, just like with lunches and bags packed, having clothes ironed and ready to go either the night before or for the week is another time saver.  If your child didn’t earn descent grades last year please invest the same thoughts into their cloth choices and sneakers. As much as I personally wouldn’t buy my kids expensive shoes, if you have a good child and you want to use your coin for them than so be it. Let them earn it. Why are you buying Johnie a pair of Jordans and he repeating the same grade from last year? Trust me his recycled teacher has seen it. Kids feet grow too fast to be making that type of investment. Don’t invest in super fly clothes for these non deserving kids. 

8. Bullying. This to me is an at home issue way before it comes to the school. As I have always been on my kids asking questions, being involved and present please do the same. Kids are afraid. Take a stand to be sure you aren’t sending bullies from your home. I will say I’m not tolerating one excuse from any administrator about “sensitive” kids. I’m not tolerating making one set of kids go through hoops meanwhile the aggressive child sit untouched. I rather be the biggest pain in the ass to my kid’s school before I sit back and loose my kids to a bully. We are not living in my time when kids could nit pick and just move on. Maybe kids should be stronger. I teach mine to be strong. I teach them to speak up but words hurt. I will not hesitate to do pop ups on schools. You know your child and if you know your child is a problem handle them at home. This past school year in Philly a 10 year old took his own life. A child decided that somebody’s unruly child was talking to them, hitting them too much and he had no one to help him and ended his life. Potential gone. His gift to the world unimagined. I personally will blow the whistle on any school, daycare, or teaching facility who dusts under the rug a bully and I truly mean it. 

The school year is coming super fast. August is literally a few weeks away and that is when the dash to get our kids ready will take flight. Please get their minds right while you get their clothing and shoes right. School is important so if you make it a priority so will your kids. I wish all the children a successful and stress less and protected school year.  My hope is that no child is taken by gun violence and that each child will be super successful!! I can’t wait to see all of the back to school pictures. Until then get them reading and enjoying their Summer. 

Just because dad says so

Growing up in our house my parents had their individual voices. They never told us wait until the other got home to handle us. They would speak and they knew they would be heard. It was never this thing of respect our mom because our dad said so. It was respect your mom because respect is required. 

I as a parent don’t have all the right answers so this isn’t a blog to set off mommy and daddy wars. If you’re a parent you know right what that is. This isn’t the blog to measure your sense of parenting against. It is simply my opinion on how I was raised and what works best for our household. In our house we do the same as I was raised. I don’t let the kids stew until dad gets home. I handle them and then when their dad gets home he’s told and if he feels the need to speak up he will. There isn’t the sense of dad being this only disciplinary and they should listen to dad and be nice to me.

I was watching a vlog where the father was at work. He had instructed the child to listen to their mom and the child didn’t. The mom wanted to assert herself while the father was giving out the discipline but the father had the ideology that he told the child and the child didn’t listen. That isn’t an issue. We need dad’s to be apart of the parenting equation since we’re they not apart of the equation at conception?! I do think children should be taught respect. Boys and girls should be taught to honor each parent. Respect is taught. We all have seen what happens when respect isn’t being enforced.

All of the back and forth was going on while the child is waiting on its punishment. My thought was they should have had a clear understanding what the issues were before the child could divide them. Had the child knew from the gate that he didn’t listen to mom just because mom said abc he wouldn’t have needed to wait for dad to back mom. Mom would have backed herself and dad would have just been the high fiver of the situation. So the kid has taken off after while leaving two parents arguing over who is wrong. Then it was hey comment below on whose right. Even if it was for a cute vlog the issue began way before dad got home. Dad was supposed to be this enforcer of the law but the child continued to break the law (rules) with mom. 

The point is to respect both parents as a unified team. Not as a respect mom because it’s nice. Respect mom because she’s mom. In discipline it’s a team effort. Too many times it’s on one parent. That is an easy way to have your kids play the conquer and divide game. I was a stay at home mom for many years so it felt like at times I was the disciplinary in charge. However often times with mom especially stay at home moms it’s easy to run the home as a business. You get the CEO title without the pay. So you want to veto dad. Then dad not wanting to hear you say the kids never do this or that steps in and saves the day with the listen to your mom mantra cause I said so. 

You had kids as a family. As a family each member is valuable. Mom and dad can handle the kids in their own way without needing the kids to listen only on the premise of the requesting parent. Establish respect and agree in front of the kids as a unified unit. This will give each parent their rightful voice that is earned before the kids come into the world. If you start young it will be established. Both parents don’t need to fight over who’s in charge. Never let the kids know there is a crack in the line up.  Trust me it will save you headaches down the line. 

Oh and ladies you know men are different from us. If you fall back and let them handle the times when the kids are with them in their own way except for abuse, you won’t need to feel like you need to be a warden either. This will cross over into getting me time. Don’t pull that you didn’t do it this way or another with a man and then wonder why he won’t participate. He won’t because he is tired of hearing how wrong he does it. As long as the kids are alive and not starving sometimes count your lucky stars and then align the home back to normal at a later time. Everyone can be empowered when you remember it’s not one parents way over the other. 

When I went to Chicago recently for a few days the kids told me of all the stuff they did. A lot of it I wouldn’t have allowed but guess what, they were there in one piece when I got back. I was able to have a good time. I never said to them oh my God you know I don’t do it that way. They made memories with their dad and had fun while I was having fun. Case closed. Everything should be brought back into respect for each parent. You end up with respectful kids in the long run ask my parents….